The New Floodgates of the Mind

Sometimes I wonder at how jaded I am in regards to my relationship with my family. Nothing they say or do surprises me any more. Latest case in point, the last time my brother was over for a visit. He sees my novel and flips through it.

Now, what’s weirder: Him asking if I’d used him as a character, him pointing out character names indicating that I could have named them after him, or me not being the least bit surprised at him not asking for either a copy OR if he could read it?

It’s definitely a strange relationship I have with my family…

Have any of you ever worked with folks who’ve come back from vacation with a “raring-to-go” attitude? You know the type. They come in Monday morning after being away for a couple of weeks and literally clap their hands together with an, “I’m all rested and both anxious and excited to get back to work”. The… bizarre part being that they really mean it?

I don’t understand those people.

Because, seriously, when I’m on vacation away from work, the first thing that goes through my mind on that back-to-work Monday morning is NOT “let’s get cracking”. It’s more a longing for bed and the joy of not being rushed for everything.

This morning, I realized that yes, I’ve been working/ growing my day-job career for about 20 years now. I’ve worked a little longer than that, though. I’m talking “day-job career” of going from a Programmer to Manager. The even sadder realization was that I’ve got another 25 years of this to go. The saddest realization was when I mistakenly thought that I only had 15 years left and got very excited about it.

I’ve always known that I can’t wait to retire from the daily grind. I just never realized how deep that desire runs to get out of this rat race. I just really want to concentrate on my writing and Publishing and it’s a little difficult right now. Not unexpected after all, what with raising 4 kids. But at least I know that eventually (in a few years) there will be a period when I will be able to have more time available at home to concentrate on those things until a possible full switchover.

So, I guess, the truth is that I’ve still got dreams. And that’s good.

THIS is unbelievably funny and too cute at the same time!! LOL!!

http://www.ffk-wilkinson.com/

Work safe and everything! And SO well done! LOL!!

Fight For Kisses… indeed!

i can’t concentrate.

i can’t focus.

i can’t keep my mind still.

i’m so easily distracted.

i need to reboot my brain and get it back on track.

as it is right now, i don’t feel the least bit grounded.

you have no idea how difficult it is to get through a day…

The Power of the Internet!

My Passport expired in April and since I have a conference to go to in December, I figured I’d better get it renewed. Went online to set up my account and fill out the information and what a difference it made!

I got to the Passport office this morning at 9:10am. I was in the waiting room at 9:15am. I was seen at 9:20am. I paid and left the building at 9:25am. My passport will be ready October 15th!!

Wooo! 🙂

For the record, I’ll be at the First Agile Development Practices Conference from December 3-6, 2007 in Orlando, FL at the Shingle Creek Resort. URL is: http://www.sqe.com/agiledevpractices/

Howdy.

Just a quick note to let you know that my lovely and talented wife has updated her website and added a slew of Charlize pages.

So, if you want to read and see some more details about the operation (along with other photos), head on over to Chantale’s Family Tree at http://www.chantaleturgeon.com and click on “Charlize”

G’night.

Almost a week and a half since my last entry. Feels a little bizarre trying to post again. As though the world has passed me by and I have nothing to say, nothing to share, nothing to put forth. Almost like my “voice” has been taken from me. Plus, the fact that I’m trying not to wallow in mire keeps me from speaking out.

Yet, we get a lot of requests in regards to how we’re doing, how we’re coping, how we’re holding up. The truth is… we’re coping, we’re holding up, but we’re not sure how. It has been a rough couple of days. You wouldn’t think that re-integrating yourself into your own life would prove to be so difficult and yet…

Besides the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes from lack of sleep, and the mental drainage that comes from being released from the hospital, everything becomes… bland. unimportant. unnecessary. I look at the “priorities” in my daily life and can’t for the life of me fathom why some of this stuff is considered important for people. I look at what folks are complaining and arguing about and I don’t understand the logic of expending valuable time and energy towards things that are nothing but trivial.

It’s like I stepped out of my life and everything I’m living through doesn’t make sense any more. I understand it, and recognize what it is, but I can’t figure out the value of it nor why there is so much pressure put towards inanities, insecurities. Everything outside of family and whatever impacts family seems so… pointless.

It’s been a rough week. We ended up going back to the Hospital last Monday because some of the signs Charlize had been giving were concerning. She was fine but to be on the safe side we gave her another weaning period of morphine (which ends tonight). Outside of that, she’s doing very well but it came at the expense of little sleep and a lot of fatigue until we started another plan of fortifying Chantale’s breastmilk to make it hypercaloric in order to satisfy Charlize’s hunger and get some meat on her little bones. She’s got herself the startings of another great schedule and currently goes down by 9pm and only wakes up at around 3am to feed. It’s the part after 3am that gets a little rough. Sometimes she’ll fall back to sleep by 4am and stay until 630am, other times…

On top of all this, Kyle seems to be fighting something, too. He’s had a fever for about 5 days now. We’ve seen the doctor 3 times (counting today) and if he still has a fever in the morning, we’re to head over to the Hospital for bloodwork and xrays. The only good thing about needing to go to the hospital tomorrow is that Charlize’s follow-up visit is tomorrow. So, at least it’ll all be on the same day.

So, how are we doing? It seriously depends on the day/ moment. For the most part, we’re doing okay. But, when the extreme fatigue kicks in with the issues of adjustment and the stresses and pressures of “getting on with our lives” it becomes difficult and stressful. Being “away” for a Month means we’ve got a month’s worth of catching up to do at home. Heck, one of the highlights of this weekend was the fact that I finally managed to mow the lawn! And vacuum! *sigh*

All right, enough of that. I wanted to post an update before I completely disappeared. I’ll try to get back into the swing of things. Eventually.

The news, as some of you already know, is that we are home 🙂 Just to continue the full accounting, here are the round-ups for the last couple of days.

Post-Op Day 12 Round-Up: The holter was removed, another chest x-ray was done (always an upsetting experience as they have to tie the baby’s arms down over her head), and medications were dropped (some to twice a day, others to once a day). The pacer wires were removed from her chest as were the stitches in her right wrist. Not pleasant. Neither was spending the night there.

Post-Op Day 13 Round-Up: The moment of truth arrived in the morning as we headed down for an echo to confirm that no fluid (blood) had built up around her heart after the removal of the pacer wires. Incredible relief to hear that she was fine! Then began a whirlwind of waiting. Baby ate, slept, we cleaned up, tried to calm down expecting a long wait. After lunch, our nurse removed the final IV from her right hand as well as the bandages covering the suture line on her chest and the baby was free! Sticky, icky, but free! 🙂 We immediately took that opportunity to give her a quick bath! The scar was not as scary as it looked with the bloody bandages. Charlize was just SO happy to be sitting in the bath tub and we all sighed a great joy at her.

It took a while but we were finally released after having been seen by the Doctor. We were given a prescription for Dioxin for 4 months to help her heart heal and for a few doses of Morphine in the event we needed it. The removal of drugs from her system was a little aggressive to match our planned release date and she handled it *very* well. But, just as a precaution, it was best to have some handy in case she needed it. It took us a little while to fill it (3 pharmacies later) but we finally got home and got her to bed by 11pm. For the first time in a little more than 2 weeks, the three of us were sleeping in our own beds -together! You can imagine the joy and relief of that! 🙂

She’s doing well at home although we’re still trying to re-teach her how to breastfeed. Since the withdrawal of drugs, she’s been having difficulty with it (having lost the necessary reflex) but we know she can regain it. (Heck, she did it well 3 mornings ago and actually did it for a bit this morning, too!). So now we’re trying to continue with our lives, pick up the pieces littered around the house. Tonight, we get Kyle and our puppy back so our home will be complete!

Looking back on all we’ve written (both here and in the notebook we had at the hospital) it’s mind-blowing to see what we went through. And not just us, but our little champion, too! She got through a very complicated surgery and not only did her heart recover from it, but without any blockage or need of a pacemaker! Every day she has done something outstanding and every day we have been blessed with so much support. This may have all lasted a total of almost 4 weeks or so in all, but it feels like we’ve lived a lifetime… (and, considering that the time is almost half of how long Charlize has been alive…)