Facing Reality

Posted on February 21, 2008 by Mike

How difficult is it to recognize patterns? When you’re living through them… extremely.

Case in point: It was recently pointed out to me that every year I have a hell of a time going through (or living through) November <-> March. This realization came at a time when I was actually “open” to the notion that such was possible and I followed it up by reviewing some blog entries of the last couple of years. The extremely private entries definitely shed light on the truth.

Heh. That’s almost a pun. “Shed light”. During the yearly months when we lose so much sunlight… S.A.D. ? Me? Yes. I’ve known it for a long time, but have honestly believed that I’ve been much better in the last handful of years. Guess I wasn’t.

So, I took a little look around the world today and found a couple of items that illuminated me. In a note on “What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)” comes the explanation that “We all suffer from the winter blues occasionally. SAD sufferers experience the “blues” much more acutely. They may be constantly fatigued, sleep too much, gain weight, be withdrawn, lose interest in sex, lack alertness and be irritable. They feel unable to function normally. Their life is on hold till spring. SAD is caused by lack of light, usually during fall and winter and is characterized by annual recurrent symptoms. Our modern lifestyle deprives us of sunlight. ”

Constantly fatigued? Check! Sleep too much? Uhm.. no. Gain Weight? Nov/Dec, sure ;). Be withdrawn? Not really. Lose interest in sex? Not at all! Lack alertness? Hmm.. sometimes. Be Irritable? Oh. Yeah.

I know a few times there have been other “irritants” which haven’t helped (sometimes stress from the day-job, other times like the early-year financial crunches) but there’s definitely *something* there. Okay, so what is there to do? Pieces taken from the Northern Light Technologies brochure:

Helpful Suggestions for coping with seasonal affective disorder!
1 • Begin light treatment early in autumn.
2 • Try making bright light therapy part of your daily winter routine, while having breakfast or reading the morning paper.
3 • Educate yourself, family and close friends regarding S.A.D. to gain their understanding and support.
4 • Reduce mild winter depressive symptoms by exercising daily – outdoors when possible to take advantage of natural light.
5 • Get as much light as possible and avoid dark environments during daylight hours in winter.
6 • Avoid staying up late, this disrupts your sleep schedule and biological clock.
7 • Stay on a regular sleep/wake schedule.
8 • Conserve energy by managing time wisely and avoiding or minimizing unnecessary stress.

So, what am I going to do? Keep #1 in mind for 2008. Purchase myself a Light Box and start #2. Start up a schedule for #4. Make sure I go for a walk each and every sunny day at lunch time for #5 including opening up all my window blinds when the afternoon sun doesn’t glare me. Try to incorporate something for #6 and #7 that is reasonable for my family. Build and maintain a priority list for #8 so there’s less to worry about. I already have one for day-job, it only makes sense to get one for home-life, too.

In summary… I’m sorry if I’ve been a total or even partial shit to everyone who’s crossed my path in the last 3 months…

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ouch.

Posted on February 21, 2008 by Mike

yesterday was crap. last night was horrible. charlize is teething and is miserable something fierce. i was so exhausted i barely kept my eyes open at supper time. i felt close to collapse all evening long. even went to bed at 9pm (so i only saw the beginning of the lunar eclipse). didn’t sleep really well, unfortunately.

woke up at 6am with a sore throat. and now, i’ve got a headache so bad that i could take a tomahawk to my left temple just to get some relief…

out of advil migraine gelcaps so i’m trying something new (apparently available OTC via asking the pharmacist) called Triatec 8 which contains acet., caffeine, and codeine if you can believe it.

this post is a purge-post to get this junk mood out of my system. feel free to ignore it.

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Birthdays Oh-my!

Posted on February 20, 2008 by Mike

8 days from now, is the start of Chantale’s birthday. 10 days from now is the end of Chantale’s birthday!! 🙂

As a Leap Year baby, to make up for the fact that Feb 29th only happens every 4 years, we basically celebrated her birthday from the 28th through to the 1st of March! Does this mean that because it’s a Leap Year, we should only celebrate on the 29th? Nope. It just means that we’re supposed to celebrate HARDER on the 29th, while still respecting the 28th and the 1st… 🙂

Of course it makes sense. Don’t argue with me! 🙂

So far, there will be… JC, LV, MAB + KM (+1?), KC + AD (+2?), JDR + M, CN, CT + GHT, ARV, and us at supper on the 29th. That makes 14 adults & 4 kids confirmed. 3 kids to be confirmed (as indicated above). And still waiting on confirmation from LC + RG +3?, and GT + AT +1/2/3?

That’ll be nice 🙂 Anyone else reading this who wants to come? Aux Vieux Duluth on St. Jean’s (next to the Royal Bank)

Of course, 13 days from now, Melyssa turns 11! Hmmm… got one gift already… have to think about what else would be nice for her…

I have got to start budgeting these early-year expenditures a little better… 🙂

OH! I just remembered something else! Oops! Gotta go!

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Family Pain

Posted on February 18, 2008 by Mike

Every weekend that the kids are over brings with it an up and a down. Up because we’re obviously thrilled to have them over… and Down because there’s usually some kind of triage required on them. Seriously, I can go way back in my journals and find (at this point) probably hundreds of examples – and this without having written about all of them!

This weekend, we had a usual/ typical situation to take care of; a cold. In this case, it was James who was so sick he stayed home on Friday. We told him over the phone what he needed to do even as he was calling to ask if we could take him to a clinic. For a cold? Non-bacterial? More likely to catch something worse in the waiting room! And after a 6 hour wait! We promised to take care of everything and we did. Seriously. A little TLC plus lots of vitamins, fruits, and liquids and he was all better.

As for Melyssa… well, here was a different/ slightly new situation. A small confrontation began to brew after lunch on Sunday over gifts from my parents, phone calls, and lies of omission. Having accepted long ago that I can’t get her to open up as I can’t ask the right questions, I let Chantale take over. After something like 3 hours of them talking, we had learned quite a lot. It all stemmed from one point that we hadn’t seen coming at all. Melyssa had been told (and obviously believed) that I had abandoned her (and James). At almost 11 years old, she barely has any memories of the last couple of years (so how could she of her early years?) but has been carrying around that feeling for a long time. Seeing how I am with Kyle and Charlize, she wishes she had memories of “us” at that age and feels anger towards them because they have me and she didn’t. Of course, compounding this problem has been how she’s had that message reinforced over the years through stories like “he loves Chantale more than you,” “he got a house that far away from you,” “he loves his dog more than you,” “he loves his new baby more than you,” “he has no time for you…”

My wife, bless her, is such a wonderful step mother that she didn’t bat an eye. She’s always been great with James and Melyssa looking out for their health and well-being and education. But, since Kyle came along and she became a mother in her own right, she’s gained a deeper understanding, caring, and compassion because she looks at their needs in a different way. Melyssa has no memories of the fights I had with her mother over the years. Of the struggles, of the anguish. As a baby at the time, how could she?

Chantale sat her down and opened up my Parenting page. Melyssa’s been there many times but mainly to look at photos. This time, Chantale pointed out the Journals. A whole new world opened up to Melyssa as she read about everything we went through and everything we had to do to get to where we are today.

That was precisely why I started keeping a journal. Because I knew the day would come when my kids would need it.

She might not have the memories, but at least she’ll have the stories. Now, this has given me the incentive to continue the “family” archiving I had started a few years ago. Taking family related LJ posts and archiving them on my site is a lot of work, but it’s worth it.

Abandon my children? Never! I struck out from an extremely unhappy, unpleasant, and very toxic relationship because I knew there was a better life out there. I knew I deserved better and I wanted my kids to grow up in a loving environment surrounded by a loving family.

And that’s what I did.

9 years later I’m still finding pieces of rat poison under the floorboards of my children’s emotional structures, but with the help of the woman who made my life great, we’re slowly weeding them out.

As a great man once wrote, “All You Need is Love… Love is all you Need…” and such has always been the truth of life.

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For Dayton – Raising the Next Generation… (ooo…pun!)

Posted on February 12, 2008 by Mike

Okay, putting things in a little bit of context.

A few months ago, I purchased the Star Trek anthology: “The Sky’s The Limit” mainly because Dayton Ward had a story in it. It’s how I support my friends. Now, when the book came in, Chantale immediately took it away from me stating that I would get it back when she was finished with it. So, I see the book fairly regularly but can’t read it yet. Maybe twice a week or so when we actually make time to read, Chantale will continue with the book and I’ll go through some comics (I’m about 3 months behind right now).

For about 2 weeks now (since the time we put together our new bedroom furniture), every morning when Kyle comes running into our room, he’ll grab the book, jump on the bed, and start “reading” it. There is a “comic” story at the end of the book so that’s usually what he’ll look at. He’ll point to the pictures and exclaim (in shock): “Gasp! That man push! Not nice! Daddy, come see!” 🙂

Seriously. It’s mondo cute. How cute?
THAT cute. 🙂

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Overdue Update

Posted on February 12, 2008 by Mike

I’m looking forward to the day I’ll be able to blog telepathically. That’ll sure beat trying to find the time to write up anything! Just imagine the kind of virtualization that’ll bring! As I’m walking to work or riding the train, I could update my blog with my thoughts and feelings at the moment I’m going through them!! 🙂

I think it’ll also help keep things steady because, as usual, I don’t know what to say or speak of first! However, seeing as we are in the midst of Heart Week, and seeing as I spoke about the Heart of Life Benefit Show I had made plans to see last weekend, I’ll continue with that.

Sure enough, Sunday morning Chantale’s parents came over to pick up Charlize and Kyle. Anxious with anticipation, I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough to head to the Leonardo da Vinci theatre. I needn’t have worried about the traffic because for some miracle, there wasn’t any! We got there with time to spare and took the opportunity to catch our breath, look around, and speak with other attendees.

The weirdest/wackiest/warmest moments came when the MCH Cardiology nurses came in, saw us, and we all played catch-up! From there, we started meeting other people and got to talking to a woman who seemed extremely familiar. When she was finally placed, we couldn’t believe the coincidences. Those of you who’ve read Chantale’s entry know this already, but the woman turned out to be the OBGYN who followed Chantale when she was first pregnant with Kyle! Remember? She followed her for 8 months but wasn’t actually around when Kyle was born as he decided to come out the weekend she was coming back from vacation! 🙂

Well, we found out two things that day: 1- the reason she seemed so “out of it” during our visits was that HER son was born with a CHD and she was trying to deal with that! 2nd – her husband is actually the President of the Heart of Life foundation! Bizarre, hm? She was far from “cold” on Sunday I’ll tell you that! 🙂

Now, for the show itself… oh my lord… wow. What a spectacular, sometimes heart-wrenching but always emotional show it was!! From the start with a woman singing “Fields of Gold” while a couple danced – giving us the story of their courtship and happiness at the upcoming birth of their child, to the next song and “story” where a couple have to deal with their rage and helplessness of their child being born with CHD, to the next song when the “child” is taken away for surgery right after birth leaving the mother pining for their baby to hug, dress, and love… I was in tears.

Again, as I mentioned in my previous CHD post about Amelia and her passing, I could not believe the emotions I was experiencing were as close to the surface as they were. It’s been a little over 5 months since Charlize’s surgery which means about 4 months since she’s been home. Even when our friends were going through the same ordeal 2 months ago I thought I was “over” the shock and pain of it all. But this show… if some families who’ve gone through this years ago were still hurting from it, could it really have been so shocking to me that I was affected? Logically, no. But it still came as a surprise.

The experience was amazing and life-affirming. Seeing Dr. Christo Tchervenkov who literally saved my daughter’s life (along with thousands of other children!) and Dr. Marie Beland who’s head of Cardiology at the Montreal Children’s Hospital again was great. Their reaction to what went on on-stage and the audience’s reaction to the event was something almost impossible to describe. Connie Rotella -who’s son Alessandro is also a survivor- put together a fantastic show. The CD single “Heart of Life” in both English and French is practically the theme song for the Foundation and deserves to be. We saw the video of it last week and knew the show was going to be emotional. I don’t think we knew it was going to be as emotional as it turned out to be!!

Anyhow, all this to say that this is such a fantastic show that we are more than likely going back on the 24th to catch it again. Sunday Feb 24th there will be 2 shows, one at 3pm, one at 7pm. We’ll be at the 3pm one and both Kyle and Charlize will be sitting with us. Chantale and I both want to continue helping the Heart of Life and my amazing wife was also so inspired by the show that within two days she’s set up a Facebook support group for CHD Awareness for Montreal families (I’ve mentioned before how we couldn’t believe nothing existed locally for families that have gone through this) as well as tried to get the song and concert Radio air time. Plus, the Cardiology nurse went to visit/ read “Charlize’s Story” that we posted on Chantale’s portal last year and she loved how it was done. In fact, she brought it up at their staff meeting today and has stated that she will definitely be directing other parents to it to both give them an idea of what to possibly expect and to have someone to speak to if they wanted.

I will say that it’s a lot of extra activity being added to an already quite busy household, but the emotional rewards are well worth it!

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Going to a Show!

Posted on February 6, 2008 by Mike

I’m all set for this weekend! Chantale’s mother is coming over Sunday at noon to watch the kids and then Chantale and I are heading to the Leonardo da Vinci theatre to watch a production of “The Heart of Life” to benefit the The Heart of Life Foundation.

What is this show about? Taken from their website, here is the story:

“The heart of Life show consist of 5 singers, 5 dancers, 4 musicians and children on stage telling a story through voice and movement. The artists on stage give a heartfelt performance showing the different states of mind and how they struggle to get back to living a normal life again. It’s a story of children and families undergoing difficult situations and finding inner peace.

Giving life is a happy moment, until we get the news that something is wrong with our child. We are faced with mixed emotions of fear, confusion, anger and despair until we find the strength to pull through. The show ends with a positive outlook, for families and children that had to overcome these challenging stages of life. “Accepting the circumstances and believing in life”.

The purpose of this show is to support the heart of life foundation and helping families heal.

Connie Rotella, Director and Creator of Heart of life production show, is also a mother that gave birth to her son Alessandro in November 2005. Her son was blue at birth followed by shocking news; your son has a malformation of the heart called Transposition of the great arteries and needs an open heart surgery to stay alive. At only 3 days old, Alessandro underwent 8 hours of surgery. Today, he is stable and doing well and he is on stage to share this story with many of you. We are grateful to have such a wonderful surgeon, Dr. Tchervenkov, at the Children’s Hospital where he made many miracles happen. With Dr. Béland and the team of Doctors and nurses being our family through our journey there, it’s our turn to say Thank you for all there care.

Being a professional Dancer, choreographer for the past 15 years, and touring the world, gave me a chance to put smiles on the faces of children who were in desperate need at that time. Never did I think this would happen to me and my family. Watching the Telethon on Television in the intensive care unit (9D) green room at the Children’s, and being on the other side of the stage that I danced for many years, that was a turning point for me. I knew then that I had to do something positive with the talent that was given me. Since then I opened a successful Dance studio in LaSalle, Danse 123, to help people grow in doing something that everybody enjoys, acting, dancing and singing. And now, creating the Heart of Life show, a cause that is very close to my heart and very healing to my soul.

Come join us on February 10th and 24th, 2008

This show is created especially for all the families, friends and children that’s been touched by this cause. All funds go to the heart of life foundation at the children’s hospital. This spectacular show was created especially for this event, and for heart month.

Location:
Da Vinci Theatre in St-Leonard
8370 Boul. Lacordaire
514-955-8532″

Chantale and I watched the video of the song (that was performed at the Telethon of Stars, I believe) and it was simply beautiful. As I mentioned earlier, Valentine’s Day really does hold a new meaning for us now as a day of the “Heart” 🙂

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Flash Fiction: Online Spell

Posted on February 5, 2008 by Mike
[Flash Fiction: Online Spell – July 7, 2006]

“I’m sorry, sir,” came the high-pitched voice over the tiny speakers, “but you agreed to all our regulations.”

“Come on!” yelled Juan Sangier slamming his fist down on his desk. “How many people actually read the Agreement Forms they’re presented with? It came up, I clicked ‘Accept’ and went through with the installation,” he finished, pointing to the avatar on his computer screen.

“Sir, I understand your frustration,” replied the Customer Support Representative calmly, “however the A.K. Corporation cannot be held responsible for those who surf without supervision.”

“What?! Are you insinuating that I need someone watching over what I do?!”

“No, sir, I am simply stating that we cannot be held liable for actions taken by persons who ignore or refuse the Agreement Forms and Online Rule of Conduct. Our logs show that you accepted, approved, ordered, and then used our services. We did not force you or coerce you into doing it. Your payment cleared and your license to our site was granted.”

“I demand my money back for false advertising!” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry sir, but all purchases are non-refundable,” she replied, her avatar showing no emotion. “You were presented with that information prior to your final order.”

“Can I return or exchange it?” he asked, desperate to find any solution that he could live with.

“Sorry sir, but that is not possible. Once granted, the features cannot be taken back.”

Juan broke down and sobbed into his hands, unable to stand the pressure any more. It was completely unlike him and that only frightened him more.

“Is there anything I can do to reverse this?” he sniffed.

“One moment please,” she answered and then blinked out. After an indeterminate length of time during which Juan continued to sob, she popped back on-screen. “Sir? According to my research, there is a reversal possible, but it can only be executed one month after initial install. I can give you a small discount for being a repeat customer, but that is the extent of it.”

“One month?! I have to live like this for one month?”

“I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you, sir, but there are many who live that way permanently and don’t complain about it.”

“…a month,” he whimpered. “I just wanted you to find me a woman, not bind me into one…”

“As explained, we are not responsible for any typos committed by our clients. In the future, please ensure you read the fine print before proceeding. Thank you for contacting the Abra Kadabra Corporation. We look forward to casting for you again!”

[Story (c) Mike Aragona]
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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For the Locals…

Posted on February 5, 2008 by Mike

Just a quick note that Friday February 29th is Chantale’s 28th Birthday. It’s the closest to a Champagne Birthday that she’s going to get! So, we’re all heading out to Au Vieux Duluth on St. Jean’s for supper!

If you’d like to come, just let me know so we can reserve for enough people! Good food, good prices, and family-friendly, too! 🙂

And if you’re not local and will be in town that night… come on down! 🙂

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Family Pic Updates

Posted on January 31, 2008 by Mike

Been a while since I’ve uploaded any new pictures of the family 🙂 So, here’s a slew from January 2008!!

click on the images below to see a bunch of new ones! (Dayton, there’s even one for you in there!)


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