The New Floodgates of the Mind

I got a postcard! Dated January 4th, but it only arrived today! Wheee!

Mount Ruapehu, Tongariro National Park, New Zealand, is the largest mountain in the North Island, and apart from being a focus for winter sports activities, has gained recent notoriety for its intermittent spectacular volcanic eruptions.

Chantale says of it: “When I flew into New Zealand it was the first thing I saw sticking out of the sky!”

There’s lots more she writes, but that part’s just for ME! 🙂

I just spoke with the kids’ mother who told me that they’re both doing fine. James calmed down shortly after I left and they began telling her stories of Camp. *sigh*

Ok, speaking of camping, I wanted to write up a couple of funny/cute/memorable incidents regarding this weekend. Forgive the free-flowing ideas 🙂

James: While coming back from our hike on Saturday, I was walking with him and teaching him a camping song I was making up on the spot. He enjoyed it and we taught it to another Beaver (Matthew) and we all sang it together. That night, during our Sock Puppet Theatre, James and I (using knapsack Digimons -Agumon and Gabumon) sang the song for everyone. What a laugh! 🙂

Melyssa: She was one of the best snow-shoers there! 🙂 Saturday night, she passed out during Campfire Stories and at 4am Sunday, I hear her cry out for me. I go over to her bunk and find that she’s dug her way deep INTO her sleeping bag. I pull her out and ask her what’s wrong. She tells me that she can’t sleep because one of the Leaders (Lightning) was snoring too loudly. That morning during breakfast, she told me she won’t come back to camp if Lightning was gonna be there snoring again 🙂

I’m really hoping the pictures come out nicely!! 🙂

…The Highs…
Beavers Camping Weekend at Lac Adair has come and gone! It was an excellent weekend filled with laughter, adventure, discovery, games, and did I mention laughter? 🙂 We had an absolute blast and the weather even co-operated by not being so extreme that we couldn’t go out. And out we did go! On hikes, on snow-shoeing marches, and to generally play. It was really a great time! And the fact that both James and Melyssa were with me made it so much more so because we get the chance to keep strengthening our bond. And they loved having me there and at their disposal ALL the time. We had sing-alongs, campfire stories, games, and even just general down-time where we simply hung around each other.

…The Lows… (read no further if you don’t want any exposure to raw emotions regarding my kids)

When we got home tonight, we got busy with getting ready to go back to their mother’s. Bath, shampoo, dressed, eat, etc. We didn’t have much time but we made the most of it and enjoyed it. During the entire time, though, I had noticed that James was somewhat emotional. He had asked to play on the computer and when I told him the new one wasn’t set up yet for games he almost started to cry. We worked out a deal and he enjoyed some pc time. Melyssa joined him later and an incident happened wherein she came to me tattling that he had said something. When I went to talk to him about him, he broke down in tears of frustration lamenting that “she’s just trying to get me in trouble like usual”.

I explained to him that I wasn’t going to punish him, I wanted him to tell me his side of the story. Afterwards, I was going to talk to Melyssa (again) about being a tattle-tale and try to teach her on how to resolve conflict. I pulled him with me into the kitchen and tried talking to him for a bit one-on-one. I knew right away that there was something wrong but he wouldn’t tell me. He believed my intentions regarding the discussion and we finished getting ready for supper.

After supper, we got into the car and made our way out. As we drove, we spoke about camp and about what fun we had. I had written a small camp song and we talked about it and also created some new verses – they loved that process! 🙂 Everything was fine until we got to their mother’s. Suddenly, all ready and everything, you could tell he was stretching it out. He said he didn’t want to go in that he wanted to stay and I told him how it was late, he had to go to bed, and tomorrow was a school day and I would talk to him soon and see him soon after that.

He slowly started making his way up the driveway when he just kept walking slower and slower. He turned back and he was bawling. I went to him asking what was wrong and he simply kept repeating how he wanted to stay with me and didn’t want to go inside. I did everything I could to console him but nothing worked. His mother opened the door and immediately freaked out with “omigodwhat’swrong!?”

I informed her nothing was wrong and he told her that he didn’t want me to go and he wanted to stay with me. Suddenly her attitude kicked in and with no pity in her voice or mannerisms barked out, “getinsidejamesitscold”. Her idiotic boyfriend even came to the door and tried his stupid jokes “why are you crying? oh it’s because the wind is blowing, eh?” Moron. She wanted to know what happened and I answered that nothing did. We had a wonderful time and he just stopped at this point with what he was saying.

She kept trying to grab his arm and drag him inside saying, “he’ll be fine when he’s inside”. I told her: “don’t dismiss his feelings”. “I’m not dismissing them! James come inside and give me hugs! I need my 3 days of hugs”. “Hey, he’s got feelings and you should stop putting them aside all the time.”

I kept trying to talk to him but he just wouldn’t hear me. She, on the other hand, stated to whomever was listening how, “if this is what camp does, then there aren’t gonna be very many of them!”. I shot her the dirtiest look I could. So dirty I wished the daggers in them were real enough to strike her.

I finally got him to the door and she pulled him inside (the entire time all she kept COMPLAINING about was that the door was opened and they were “heating the outside!” – God what an idiot). I kissed him again telling him I’d talk to him soon and he just yelled and yelled. The door closed and I stayed near the window to hear what would happen. He kept screaming “No!” and “Daddy!” and she kept telling him to calm down and that I had gone. “Let me give him a hug!” he screamed even louder than before. “He’s gone!” “No he’s not! Let me give him a hug before he leaves!” “It’s too late, he left already” “No he didn’t!!”

I walked up and knocked on the door saying, “Let me see him!” She opened the door and he just jumped into my arms. I held him tightly, rocking him, telling him I love him and that I would talk to him soon. “Ok, you got your hug, now let’s go” was her comment as the door closed. He had calmed down so I slowly started walking away, pausing long enough to wave good-bye to Melyssa through the window. She had been struck silent over the whole affair.

I got in the car and drove home, feeling helpless. James, as soon as he trusts you a little, will tell you that he wishes he could live and stay with me. One of the Beaver Leaders told me that he shared that piece of information with her almost 2 years ago! He has told many that he doesn’t like how he’s treated at his mother’s and that he feels he comes last in that house of girls (besides Melyssa, there’s his mother’s boyfriend’s 2 girls from his previous marriage). And based on how he gets treated by them all, you know, KNOW, he’s better treated by Chantale and I. Not that we dismiss Melyssa. Rather that we’re fair with everyone.

James knows that one day he’ll be old enough to make his own decisions. He also knows that right now he’s stuck in a shitty situation over which he has NO control. Pretty much like the rest of us.

Ving Rhames is slated to play Kojak. Ving. To me, he’ll always be Marsellus Wallace of Pulp Fiction 🙂 Even though he’ll be playing Kingpin in the new DareDevil movie (that’s gonna rock!!!)

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5th Harry Potter book has a release date. June 21st. Start lining up now!

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Gary Oldman is in negociations for playing Sirius Black in the 3rd Potter movie. Cool. Not who I would have expected, but he’s quite a versatile actor so I can see it happening.

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The posters weren’t created for the IT Quarterly. Oh well. At least the commercial is still in good rotation. Also, I won a $10 gift certificate for the SAQ because my team came in 1st for one of 3 team competitions at the kickoff. Cool.

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CSI was pretty damned good tonight. Heck, it usually is but it was a kicker this time. Got me with the ending! Left hook! Didn’t see it coming!

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Hey, , I’m thinking of possibly driving to ottawa the 25th. I’m in the mood for taking in a museum. Would you be available for a coffee or something if I come in? Maybe a visit to the Candy Store? 🙂 To be confirmed, of course.

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I didn’t get a chance to talk to Chantale tonight. She had to get on her bus and I wasn’t home yet. So, she’s off now. Her itinerary for the next couple of days is Queenstown to Fox Glacier. – You may wish to take the optional Fox Glacier tour. Professional guides will be on hand to show you the beauty of this natural wonder. Afterwards, it’s Fox Glacier back to Christchurch. -We’ll cross the Southern Alps via majestic Arthur’s Pass, stopping to take a look at the Jade greenstone carving at Hokitika. . So, basically, she’ll be out of touch for a few days, but I’ll be out of town as well. If I’m lucky I’ll talk to her again early next week. Otherwise, it’ll be mid-next week. Major bummer.

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I’m all packed for the camping trip. Feels like a heavy load! 3 Sleeping Bags and 3 sports bags full of clothes. I’m just hoping it’s not going to be SO cold that we won’t be able to go outdoors. Especially with Melyssa’s asthma. Regardless, though, it’ll be a blast. If it’s anything close to how the Summer Camp went, there’ll be PLENTY of coffee, BARELY any sleep, and plenty of leftovers 🙂

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Why is it that I feel like I need a vacation? I’m seriously gonna look at my schedule and see if I can give myself another half-day pampering at the Ovarium again.

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Ok, enough. I should get to sleep. Or something. Be well. Be good. Be excellent to each other. And… party on, dudes! 🙂

Ok, it’s enough with the super freezing cold already!

At least if it snowed it wouldn’t feel this bad! But DAMN the mornings are cold! No matter how many layers I throw on, I freeze!!! And then, you walk into the metro, and you can pass out within a step because of the heat. what a crazy situation…

While Chantale’s parents and I went to see Gangs of New York (brutal movie! Daniel Day Lewis is truly incredible, though!), she tried calling us 🙂 As we both were out, she sent out some emails and actually just called me again. We spoke for 20 minutes so I got the low-down on how things are going there. She’s having a blast but you could hear in her voice how exhuasted she is! I figured some of you might be interested in how she’s doing so here’s part of her latest email update:

Hey all!

Lots of love,
Chantale

I have the URL of the jet ski thing and once the pictures are on-line I’ll try to nab some 🙂

As for me, I just finished off the Grand Marnier which means no more B-52s. So, off to bed. It’s gonna be a busy day tomorrow.

You know what really bothers me?

Getting the urge to pick up the phone, call Chantale, and tell her I love her. I used to be able to do it ALL the time. Now, I can’t. Yes, yes, yes, it’s temporary. Doesn’t ease the frustration. Especially as it’s been 3 days since we last spoke…

Puts a little cave in the center of my chest…

Mornings suck.

-20c mornings suck even more.

-20c mornings when you leave your lunch on the table suck harder.

-20c mornings when you leave your lunch on the table, get to work, blow your nose and end up ripping the fever blister on your lip causing it to spurt blood for 5 minutes suck even harder than that.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not a happy camper this morning. Add coughing and a headache to the mix and I should have stayed in bed.

Bah.

I can’t stop this feeling
Deep inside of me
Girl you just don’t realize
What you do to me

Keep it up, girl
Yeah you turn me on
I, I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believing
That you’re in love with me

-Vonda Shepard

One sure-fire way to get you down and make you bleah? Read old log files.

Funniest thing? Password protection on 90% of them for which you no longer remember the password.

Bah.

China Beach is starting. I’ll go lose myself now.