Out with the old…

I’m ready to see the end of the year two thousand and sux…

This was the year James and Melyssa would be spending New Year’s week with us since we had them for Christmas week last year (those who know remember that I get them one alternating week each year during the holidays to keep things fair).

Well, we got home last night from having spent 3 days up at Lac St. Jean to visit with Chantale’s Grandparents only to have a voice message waiting from Melyssa. She was sick last week, but it seemed like she got worse in the last couple of days. So, since she was so sick coughing, etc, and contagious, it was thought best for her not to come over this week. Understandably, having Kyle catch whatever she has or Chantale being pregnant would not be a good thing. Harsh reality, but okay, fine. I speak with James who’s also somewhat sick but he wants to still come over. I ask him a barrage of questions ranging from what his symptoms were to WHY he wasn’t taking anything. The answers aren’t fully satisfactory but okay, at least there’s something to be done about it. I make plans to go pick him up this morning at 10am. I spend the evening somewhat mourning the fact that I hadn’t seen Melyssa since that short visit at the hospital and now would only see her near the tail end of January.

At 9am as I’m getting myself and Kyle ready to go pick up James (the plan was to then swing by my parents so they could get a little xmas celebration with them) I get a phone call. James is feeling worse and believes HE’S contagious because he picked up whatever Melssya had. So, he wasn’t coming over. I talked with Melyssa a bit who filled me in on some other info (like the fact that they were going out to town to stay with their grandparents until mid next week). wonderful.

This is the first year since they’ve been born that I will not have been able to celebrate the holidays with them. Most parents I know usually had that happen to them when their kids were in their late teens at the earliest. Here, my daughter is 9 and my son is 12. All “family” plans are suddenly shot to shit. I last saw them the weekend of December 9th. I’m next “scheduled” to see them the weekend of January 20th. I suddenly lost the energy and drive to do anything.

You know what really sucks? How hard Chantale and I try to keep a “regular” life with James and Melyssa whenever they’re over. How hard we try to instill a sense of normalcy around them and how impossibly hard that all is. And how incredibly easy that false sense of normalcy shatters whenever something comes up for them. Kyle might only be a year and a half, but he KNOWS who they are, he MISSES them when they’re not here, and he REALIZES they’re not around when he expects them to be. You have no idea how many mornings I’ve gotten him changed and as we’ve made our way towards the stairs to go have breakfast, he’ll be pointing towards James’ room saying “Do-do!” in that he wants to go wake them up… but they’re not there.

I’m so greatful to be able to rebuild a new and wonderful life with Chantale and the family we have and are making, but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t get hit with pangs of pain whenever my time with James and Melyssa is impacted.

*sigh*… okay. That’s my time of mourning. What’s done is done and can’t be undone. At least these words will continue to live on so that years from now my kids will be able to read them and understand how much their father cared for them and what he went through in trying to keep a relationship alive with them…

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