The New Floodgates of the Mind

I’m exhausted, I admit it.

We went to our first regular pre-natal class last night and talked about what to expect leading up to and including the delivery. We discussed ways to prepare ourselves and what we should and should not forget in regards to when the time comes. We even watched a 20-minute movie on a delivery which was actually the very first time I saw a full/ complete birth up close like that. Cool. 🙂

During the discussion, one topic came up (again) which once more reinforced how it is the woman that is pregnant and is always fully aware of that fact. Yes, the man has it easier in that every morning that he gets up, he doesn’t have to worry about what will fit versus what doesn’t – he doesn’t have to worry about finding a comfortable position to sleep in, or having to spend so much time in the bathroom.

Yes, it’s true that we’re not the ones who are pregnant and thus don’t have that feeling/ thought/ reminder of a baby growing and moving in our bodies. But I will tell you what we DO have: worries, anxieties, fears, concerns. All this about the woman who’s carrying the baby – the woman we love and hate to see in pain, hurting, or suffering. And you know what else? That’s on my mind every single moment of every day. Yes, I don’t directly think about the baby all the time, but I can guarantee that I think about my wife all the time.

So, no. We’re not pregnant. But we sure as hell don’t forget the fact that it is the woman we love who is.

We were supposed to head over to the Jewish General Hospital today so Chantale could have some blood sucked out of her for a large barrage of tests. Since we weren’t exactly sure how long it was going to take, we had initially decided to go later in the afternoon (since most folks who have to fast go in the mornings and we were warned that it was quite busy). However, she wasn’t feeling too well this morning and so we decided to go sooner instead of later. And then, a few stops after Dorval, she wasn’t feeling too well. And then, the train ended up stopping mid-track before Vendome due to a train ahead of it.

She rushed to the stairs again and attempted to sit down. Unfortunately, she fainted before she was properly seated. I managed to catch her before she tumbled down the stairs, but not before she hit her head on the handle. Holding both our bags plus her jacket and a large umbrella, I was able to hold her up and stretch out her legs. This time, luckily, she managed to come to much quicker than last week. At least when she got sick and threw up, she was conscious and was able to do it in the bag.

We finally made it into the metro but couldn’t go beyond Snowdon. Heatwave hit her and I decided to get out of there and get outside where I managed to find a bank and then hailed a cab to the hospital. It made the trip easier but she wasn’t out of the woods. Sure enough, the lineup was long but she took a seat and I went to stand in line to register. When there were only 3 people left before me, I see her wander past me in the hallway and I jump out of line to catch up to her, just in time for her to sit down outside a door marked “Danger: Bio-Hazard!” Since it was a high-traffic area, we were able to get some nurses to help us out – they put her in a wheelchair and brought her in the back to lie on a stretcher. I managed to get her registered and then another nurse came in to give her a big bottle of some sugary stuff to drink. After that, we had to wait an hour before they could take her blood.

I was hoping she would sleep the entire time but only managed to fall asleep near the end for about 15 minutes. I went to get the nurse who came in and managed to bruise her up a little as she sucked out 4 vials of blood – a little surprised herself at the amount of tests they needed to run. Finally, we were given some more time for Chantale to recover before we headed home.

Considering how difficult it was for her to sleep last night – massive heatwaves followed by chills – and the way she felt this morning, I’m wondering how she’ll be able to get through the days without a little help. I hope they get back to us with the results very very soon…

Considering the fact that I went to bed past midnight and didn’t sleep very well to get up at 7:30, I feel rather rested. I wonder if it’s due to the fact that I was able to watch 4 episodes of The Pretender last night 🙂 Unfortunately, Chantale didn’t like it as much as I hoped she would, but I figure that when the intrigue kicks in a bit more she’ll enjoy it more 🙂

Plans for today: Baby “stuff” shopping this morning, birthday lunch at my parents, followed by more baby shopping this afternoon before having to bring the kids back before supper tonight. Normally, I’d have them until Sunday, but James has a Handball tournament tomorrow and he’s got to be there for 7:30am. Considering “there” is 40 minutes away from where we currently live, we’re bringing them back early.

It’s a bit of a pain, but in the long run it’s ok. I see them again for the next three weekends and, besides, I’m getting them for at least 5 weeks this summer (something many of you know I’ve been fighting for for many years now).

Okay, on with the day!

I got to thinking recently how I never posted any of the songs I used to do “back in the day” with my various bands. I had mentioned to t! the last time we spoke how sometimes it all seems to surreal. Back in the early days of the Montreal Hardcore Punk scene things were created and celebrated that I just don’t see or hear any more. But at the same time, there was a lot I created that I feel a little awkward about would I to be singing it now – with a wife and a child on the way.

Still, it was a time when although there was a lot of tension in the air between the cops and the punkers, things didn’t always degenerate into fistfights/ guns/ or knives (as in WAY too many examples recently). I look at the “world” today and really do feel that a lot of the public violence on the streets came from the world of Rap where it was suddenly cool to be a “gangster”. It was as though Punkers were about Anarchy and not wanting to take shit any more whereas Rap seems to be an “I’ll do what I want and shoot anyone who tries to stop me”

Sure, maybe I’m overgeneralizing, but when I look at the papers and such and see night after night of beatings, shootings, stabbings, jackings, etc etc etc and KNOW that back in my time that kind of shit was frowned upon, I have to wonder. It’s like reading “The Outsiders” and then when the movie version is made, it looks like all the violent parts of Pulp Fiction, Scarface, From Dusk till Dawn, and Resevoir Dogs all put together.

Anyhow, the point of this entry wasn’t to go on a rant, it was instead to post part of the lyrics to one of those old songs. This one was written while I was still with “Dirty Feet” and slapped together, I believe, after a Genetic Control concert. I’ve only included the beginning, though, and put behind a cut due to the amount of swearing 🙂 I Smell Bacon

As a treat to myself for passing my exam, I’ve placed an order for 24: Season One. (Thanks love for agreeing to it, especially after I picked up The Pretender last week! 🙂 ). Best part of it? $29.99. 67% off the “going” price. Tres cool.

Second best part of it? I’m picking up a best of P-Fers as well. (I got a best-of Spoons with The Pretender last time). And may I say, that I’m absolutely thrilled that all those New Wave bands I loved and listened to religiously back in the 80’s are still kick-ass. Seriously. A Flock of Seagulls, The Spoons, The Psychedelic Furs, early Platinum Blonde, Strange Advance… so many others. I’m so glad that when I’ve had enough of the crap that’s played on the airwaves these days, I can still go back to those electric times and enjoy some grooves…

🙂

[I never cease to laugh at the fact that I feel like an enigma. A grown man, married, with children and children to come, a writer, a punk, a comics fan/pro, working in Management, computers, interested in Law, Insurance, Theology, Spirituality, into new wave, classical, etc etc etc etc and the list goes on. Really, I’m not a chameleon, I’m an enigma. Not easily labelled. Just the way I like it 🙂 ]

Holey Mackaral! I can’t believe it! I was SO fucken stressed over my exam today, especially after 10 hours of solid cramming yesterday afternoon/ evening/ night! Going to bed at midnight, eyes bleary from staring at a computer screen for so long, I finally felt confident enough that I would pass. But, I was expecting nothing more than passing by the skin of my teeth which was what happened last time. This morning, though, I was nervous. I got the exam room and was literally feeling nauseous. But, I got myself settled in, and jumped right in. By about the 40th question, I was finally starting to breathe a little easier. The best thing? I was not doubting myself.

One hour into the three hour exam, I click on “end examination” and wait while the exam is uploaded, checked, graded, and poof: a message appears stating “congratulations, you’ve passed!”. I can click for my mark or click to log off. duh. after all that you think I don’t want to know my mark?? Click. Poof. BAM. 91%

Ninety-One-Fucking-Percent! Holy shit did I yell! I felt like I was in one of those “Kia” commercials. 🙂

Loma 311 – Business Law for Financial Services Professionals? Yeah, I fucked em! Oh! 🙂

ouch. I have a muscle under my right rib cage which is killing me. I don’t know if I pulled something because I’ve been coughing a bit too much lately or if it was for other reasons.

As good as a day I had yesterday (if somewhat boring at times) in the dark and gloom, today feels dark and gloom even though it’s sunny outside. I guess sometimes the inner demons are just too overpowering. It’s days like this where I wish I only had to work for half a day every day…

Had a scary experience this morning on the train when Chantale started feeling dizzy and faint as our train was pulling into Vendome station. I tell you, there’s something wrong about that station because it’s not the first time that she gets woozy from there. And it’s not the first time she fainted shortly thereafter. But it was the longest time she’d been “out”. The scariest part was her being sick while unconscious. Definitely more than time for her to get another test done…

At any rate, I’m glad I’ve always been around to ensure nothing really bad happened and that she’s always had me around to lean on. That, more than anything, is the most important thing to me and is exactly the reason why I decided against taking those promotions that were offered to me. I would not and do not want any promotion that would take me away from the one who means the world to me, especially at a time in her life when she really needs me.

*woooof*

Just filed my 2004 taxes electronically. Second time for Chantale (first being back in 2002) and first time for me. A little nervous I must say. Difficult to change from always sending in my big bundle of papers and Savage Enterprises receipts, bills, and income forms… to doing it the new click-clicky way.

ooooooo…. I’m all a-flutter now…

time for beer.

Soup is good food.

My Loma 311 studying is not. Not going well, either. Must study much more.

– Weekend was fantabulous. Lots of resting, reading, and eating. Especially enjoyed the leisure drive back to town yesterday. Clear roads, Jann Arden, Blue Rodeo, my beautiful wife, and chocolate. 🙂

– Never hated a “character” as much as I do/did Gwenhwyfar in the “Mists of Avalon”. To the point that I could punch the book to the floor and then stomp on it. Hated her part of the book with a passion that only kept me reading because of how much I enjoyed Morgaine. sigh. Arthur could have stood to have been slapped around more, too. Those who truly know me know how much I cringe and lash out at the boundaries imposed on humanity due to organized religion. Especially those religions that would have humanity constantly burning in hell for every single act of living.

– Faith Circle confirmed for April 14th. Very much looking forward to it.

– It’s Easter Monday and I’m working. sigh. I should be at home.