The New Floodgates of the Mind

No, I didn’t want to update. I just hit the wrong button.

…but… now that I’m here, what do you want to hear? Efficiency and progress are ours once more, now that we have the Neutron Bomb. It’s nice and quick and clean and gets things done. Away with excess enemies, with no less value to properties, unsightly slums gone up in flashing light….

🙂 Dead Kennedys. Just can’t touch them.

Today, if I had a wish, it would be that good things wouldn’t change. Really. Think about it. Let all Good Things remain. Let there be no change unless it were to turn a Good Thing into a Better Thing or a Great Thing. … sigh.

so let it rain… let it rain… down on me…

“The sad truth is that we die. That is not a happy ending, not a sad ending, simply a fact. The question is what we accomplish during the days and months and years preceding; do we leave the world a better place or a worse place?”
– J. Michael Straczynski

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

I’m a total fucken wreck this morning.

My stomache’s in knots and has been since I took my first waking breath this morning. My jaw’s aching a little since it’s been clenched for quite some time. I’m angry beyond belief and can barely imagine the violence necessary to appease my thirst. I can hardly concentrate on anything outside of what I have to do today and that’s affecting my performance…

I spoke with my Lawyers yesterday and am meeting her this morning. She gave me a little plan of action of what we can do and I’m focusing my energy on believing it’ll work. This afternoon, I’m going back to the Mediators for what I honestly feel will be a waste of time.

I’ll be fucken glad when this day is over. I so need to get away from it all that I can’t wait to be in the car tomorrow driving up to Lac St. Jean to spend Easter with Chantale’s Grandparents…

Good Energy Vibes accepted.

my mom’s been complaining for a while, but especially this past weekend, that I seem to be wasting away. I try to show her my belly but she only sees my face and states that it’s too drawn out which obviously means I’m not eating enough. Although I think I’m ok, looking at my eating habits contradicts me. Breakfast: yesterday – nothing, today – nothing. Lunch: yesterday – apple, today – cupasoup. Supper: yesterday – chocolate fondue; cheese. today – not sure although probably something healthy like a tuna salad. Snacks during day: usually a granola bar.

sigh. yeah, probably not the healthiest eating habits, but I’m just not hungry and when I am, it’s very quickly appeased. bleah.

i’d just like the world to disappear for a little while, ok? just a little while where i can bury myself in a cocoon and sleep…

Well, it happened. Something I honestly never believe could happen actually did. Friday morning, I started having some really bad vibes in regards to the kids. Something kept nagging at the back of my mind in that their mother was up to something no good. As I took the metro to pick up the car to get the kids, I kept going over scenarios of what I could do. Good thing, too, as I actually had to resort to it. This is what I’m talking about:

I got to the school earlier than usual and as I parked the car and approached the front doors, I saw their mother and her mother in a car coming up towards the school. I couldn’t believe my eyes and immediately knew she was there to prevent my picking up Melyssa. A part of me was thinking: “What the hell? She promised the mediator on Monday that there would be no attempts and disrupting anything currently in place while we were in mediation. And yet…” Yeah, and yet, there it was in front of my face. Two-faced bitch in heat anyone?

I caught up to the car and ran to the front door, shocking the shit out of her. She confirmed what she was there to do and I spent the next 10 minutes yelling at her that she has no right to deny my visitation with my kids. I was holding up my end of the bargain by not doing anything untowards the kids during mediation which meant that I was planning on spending the weekend at my parents house again just so I could spend time with my kids! She wouldn’t have it and we made our way into the school. She started yelling like the fucken idiot that she is, screaming that I could call all the cops I wanted (as I had threatened to) but that I was not taking her daughter (melodramatics anyone?).

I walked away quickly out the front door, dialling 9-1-1 and spent the next 5 minutes talking to the guy on the other end. He promised to send a car and I waited. I spoke with the school’s Behavioral Specialist and advised her that the police were coming and that I was sorry it had to come to that. She asked if there was anything she could do or say to get the bitch to calm down and I had to laugh and wish her good luck. The three of them snuck out the back way and I watched the car go by, my poor traumatized daughter’s face pressed to the window in the rear seat. When they were gone, the principal came to get me. It was obviously a new situation with her for me (after all, up until now she’s known me always as the kids’ father and the Council’s Secretary). We went to her office and discussed the situation. They thanked me for taking it all outside and I again had to laugh. I’m not in it for the “audience” and I definitely am not in it to distress any children. We talked about what happened and why and funny enough, the Specialist admitted to knowing about allergy-friendly dogs.

10 minutes later, the police arrived and I went outside to talk to them and fill them in on the details. Unfortunately, it was at this point in time that I finally lost some of my composure. Some. I teared up somewhat but still answered their questions. They tried to call the skank but her line was busy (I told them that was expected since I had warned her I was calling them). I told them about James and that I would go get him and lead them to the house. They explained that they could not physically get Melyssa out of the house but would obviously be available to act as witnesses to this stupid incident. I said that was fine and we made our way there.

At the house, she greeted them with her papers acting like the prima donna bitch she does so well it’s now entirely her. They went inside and I waited in the car with James and left a message with a lawyer. After a few more heated exchanges, she agreed to let Melyssa come with us if I would sign a document stating that I would not expose her to any dogs or cats in the house for this weekend. I had to laugh, I really did. She is such a total fuckhead and I still don’t understand why she keeps throwing out “cats” in our conversations since I would NEVER expose Melyssa to cats. Her cat allergies are way beyond control. That would be way too stupid. Of course, as I signed the note (the most stupid thing you can ever imagine. In fact, it’s so fucken stupid that I just HAVE to share it with the world. I’ll do that at the end of this post) her so-sauve boyfriend came home and walked up the stairs, calling me a “cretin” until the police told him to go inside.

As soon as Melyssa came outside and into my arms, the poor little creature started crying in fear. Once again, traumatized because of that bitch. We walked to the car and the police followed. I thanked them for their help and we left. We made our way to my parents house and I gave them a quick rundown, my adrenaline pumping the entire time. Obviously I didn’t have much of an appetite but what can you do? We hung out together and I got them ready for bed, reading them one of my favorite childhood books (Me and My Flying Machine) and we talked about doing good and having an imagination and never giving up.

I’m telling you, considering the day I had on Friday, to have it followed up by that kind of an afternoon, I was pretty dead come bedtime. The worst part of all this is all the lives and emotions that are affected by this kind of shit. But at least my parents now understand even more about my determination to no longer give in to her. I’m so fucken tired of constantly being controlled by that bitch. I divorced her so I wouldn’t have to see her fucken face every day and to hear her voice. And yet, four years later and she still finds ways to stick it in my life? Disgusting. And I refuse to let it go on any longer. It’ll be a tough 3 months fighting this shit out, but I want it resolved once and for all. I shouldn’t have to be accountable for my time or the kids’ time when they’re with ME on MY court-appointed visitation time.

That is my rant for tonight. I’ve let it out verbally with my parents and my wife, and even spoke with my kids about it all. But now, I needed to write it out to the world so it could take on a life of its own and make its way into the permanance of my journals and life. As I just now told the kids, “10 years from now, if you’re having trouble remembering what life was like in these years, you’ll have plenty of chances to read all about it”. My life might not mean anything to anyone 100 years from now, but at least for those it does mean something to (my kids and my grand-kids), they’ll have a place to find out about me, learn about my trials and tribulations as well as my joys and victories, and learn about me. Me, the person, the father, the lover, the dreamer, the son. … I wish it were possible to read about the life of my own father or grandparents…

Here’s the famous letter. Try to guess why it’s so flawed and actually useless: “April 2, 2004. I, Mike Aragona, that Melyssa Aragona will be in any contact with any animals (dogs & cats) in houses week-end of April 2.3.4 2004. Therefore I sign before witnesses; Agent Beaulieu; Agent Dufresne”

Tell me. What exactly did I agree to do? Expose or Not Expose my daughter? So much for that dim-bulb’s knowledge of the law… 🙂

I’m somewhat frustrated today. I missed the 8am train and then the 8:20am train was a little late. It’s freaking cold out there again which is never fun to walk in, but especially when you add in wind and rain. blah. On the positive side I uploaded my project document so that’s over with.

So, I figured I’d put up a Casey post to help take my mind off the rest of the shit.

Firstly, I have to say that this is one super-cute Pup 🙂 The way she looks up at us while trying to keep her bum from sliding on the hardwood floor is waaaay too cute. Especially when you add in the head-tilt routine 🙂 Secondly, I think this little Pup is one smart cookie. It took us 3 days to get her potty trained to go on a newspaper or her pee-pad when she’s in the house (not counting any emergencies and “oops” of course). Aaand… we’ve begun a routine which seems to really work. Every morning, I get up at 6am and take her outside. As soon as she touches the grass, she takes a few steps and pees. Then, she takes a quick run and poops. Once completed, she actually runs a bit and makes a beeline for the patio door to get back in the house. She knows it’s breakfast time 🙂

So, yeah, she’s a lot of fun. She loves our company and is pretty well behaved. We still have a good eye on her to ensure she doesn’t get into trouble (or chew the wrong things) but otherwise she’s usually by our side (except when she wants to sleep at which point she’ll plop down on the floor in front of us to do so). Even the overnight stuff has been good. We put her to sleep in her cage and cover it with the blankets we cuddle with on the couch (that way, she’s practically surrounded by our scent). We put the television sleep timer on for about 15 to 30 minutes and head to bed. By the time the tv shuts off, she’s deeply asleep and only wakes up at around 6am. It’s great that she’s gotten used to it, especially when she has to spend the day in it. When we leave or when we get home, she doesn’t freak out in her cage. She waits patiently as we say hello until we open her door at which point she jumps all over us 🙂 (Of course, we then head outside so she can do her business again before supper! 🙂 )

Tomorrow, we have a follow-up with the Vet to see how she’s doing worm-wise AND to get her first vaccination. We already see the big change in her (yes, she has grown already) as she’s a lot more playful and her tummy is nice and plump now 🙂 And that’s the end of my Casey post for today. My smile is back on my face and I’ve got less than 2 hours to go before I leave to go pick up the kids 🙂

Geez what a fucken day. Do you realize it’s Thursday? And outside of a small update in my review blog, I haven’t posted anything since Monday??

Just really busy with way too much on my mind. But, yesterday, it seemed a good point was reached. I had my last meeting for a special project I’ve been involved in and thus only have to update some docs (we’re talking about 10 minutes of work at this point) and I’m done (not counting a 2-hour meeting to review it all next week). Plus, news of the motherhouse was finally released yesterday in the UK and we all finally know where we stand. And Canada stands strong (as expected).

All this was obviously weighing heavily on my shoulders (along with some other legal matters) and what I ended up doing last night was get rid of a burst of energy by going home, cleaning out the kitchen of all dishes/etc., and doing the last load of laundry. An old friend came over for coffee and to meet Casey and when she left, Chantale and I just relaxed on the couch watching recorded tv shows. Very relaxing.

How do I know about the weight? Easy. We went to bed at pretty much a regular hour and once asleep, I did NOT wake up until Casey whimpered at 5am and woke me. Chantale took care of her and I fell back asleep until 6am when my alarm went off. I turned it off and the second alarm went off at 6:30am. I haven’t slept this much in a long time. Wow.

Today has been a crazy-ass day. Lots to do and Stats-Day as well which means the collection process screws up one way or another. Joy. The Team also went out for lunch to celebrate a birthday. Grumpy Muad’ib decided on Sushi so we headed to Katsura’s and dined on raw fish. I’ve had some before, but not to the extent of today. I admit… I did not finish my plate and gave away about half of it. I think I’ll stick with the Maki instead of all the fish pieces… *groan*

Right now, I’m still debugging and still trying to get my head around some NEW work that was dropped in my lap. I’ve been asked to be the point-man for a new pilot initiative that will necessitate my knowing pretty much EVERYTHING that’s going on in our Group Life & Health systems.

See Mike.
See Mike Get Praises.
See Mike Get More Work.
See Mike Scramble To Get Data.
See Mike’s Head Explode.
Boom Mike, Boom.

The weekend went by rather quickly, I must say. No sleep (not really possible with a puppy that’s starving and wants to eat at 6:00am 🙂 ) but enjoyable. Friday night, after a week of hell, I almost forcibly took Chantale out for supper 🙂 She needed a little bit of convincing but realizing how we hadn’t spent any real quality time together all week, she knew we needed to go out to keep our sanity. So, we headed to Moe’s on the West Island and had an incredible supper. Wow. It’s actually a rare treat to go there, and we’re always very satisfied, and very full 🙂

Our visit to the Vet on Saturday was a little startling as she found that Casey has a hernia! Why was the first vet unable to see that, I have to ask? Plus, the poor little thing is suffering from worms. Eep. Well, she’s now medicated and on a much better food diet, and so she’s a total bundle of energy. Has taken to climbing stairs like second nature and came upstairs today to play peek-a-boo. Next step: baby barrier for the stairs! ack. 🙂

We did spend a lovely lunch and quality afternoon time with our closest friends Saturday afternoon, and then had supper at Chantale’s parents, followed up with a relaxing evening watching Dogma 🙂 (This lead to getting Chantale to watch Chasing Amy with me on Sunday night as well 🙂 ). Again, I say, ya gotta love Kevin Smith! 🙂

Yesterday was a nice day spent mostly outdoors. We even put out the patio furniture so we could enjoy some sun on the deck. Ah. 🙂 The only freaky thing about yesterday was going for a grocery run (which hasn’t been done in ages!) and seeing the total bill. Yowtch. I do believe that is the MOST I ever spent on groceries on any one time. Kudos to anyone who could guess the total. Chantale’s parents came over for supper this time which made for a relaxing evening as well.

Well, after that long private rant, I feel much better. If I offended any smokers with it, sorry. My point was simply to point out how my asthmatic daughter should be nowhere near a smoker and why all the pressure falls on me. As I wrote to Melyssa’s pediatrician:

” I would like to know why it is that in no reports on the health of Melyssa Aragona is it indicated that she is living in a house with a smoker? Every time the issue of her health comes up, all I’m told about is her allergies. Nowhere do I find the kind of note I’m including in this fax from the Montreal Children’s Hospital. I would appreciate if you can let me know if you are even aware of the fact that Melyssa’s mother’s boyfriend is a smoker, and there are carpets in her house. Her telling me that he doesn’t smoke around the kids and only outside does not cancel out what the e.r. doctor wrote in her note back in 2002 which is still valid today. I’m trying to understand why her “excuses” are valid, but my precautions are not. You can contact me at work or at home. I do look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.”

I do feel better after getting all that off my chest, btw. Another reason I’m glad to have LJ here. AND the ability to make posts Private when necessary 🙂