Do you ever feel you’re right on the cusp of something big? Like any minute now, that small ray of light just slightly visible between the blinds and the window sill, will explode with the full brilliance of the sun, knocking you flat on your ass.
It’s an unbelievable and slightly confusing feeling. Almost like being a bi-polar manic-depressive and switching between despair and glee within a matter of minutes.
And yet… and yet, I don’t understand it. I’m overwhelmed and bombarded with negative feelings and fears of negative situations on a constant basis -but only when I’m not busy doing something! I’ve been trying to simply not think that way and concentrate on the good but it hasn’t always helped. Try as I might, it grates me to no end to accept that which is and refuse to allow myself to believe that it must be. I’m too much of the school of belief that there are things that could be instead.
And then this morning, something Stiv Bator once sang came to me (and yes I realize it’s a remake originally recorded by Grass Roots but Stiv’s the one I learned it from):
And how they’re in a hurry to complicate their mind
By chasing after money and dreams that can’t come true
I’m glad that we are different, we’ve better things to do
May others plan their future, I’m busy lovin’ you (1-2-3-4)
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
And don’t worry ’bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey”
And an eerie calmness descended upon me. And I could once again think of things (briefly) without the urgent desire to stick a knife in them. And I recognized, once again, that you can’t let go of anger without accepting things in life, however horrible.
Peace in the Valley? Not quite. But maybe one day very soon the moments could last longer than minutes…