Last year I contacted an old e-friend of many years prior. We’d known/met each other in the very early 90’s and were on a decent friendly basis for a few years. Then, as life changed, he moved away/out of town and I went on with my own life. Anyhow, after all those years apart, I managed to track him down and see where he was at. Like me, his life had changed dramatically.
He was living in Toronto, married, had a baby girl. I was still living in Montreal, divorced, with two kids. It was really nice/special to get back in touch and we did the email back-and-forth update for about a solid week with the promise that if we were ever in each other’s city again, we’d get together.
After that, though, we’ve gone silent again. He’s still there, I still have his email and he has mine. But, the realization did hit that outside of the electronic life we had and the few times we got together for some RL discussions, there really wasn’t anything else keeping us together. So, I remember him fondly and have plenty of stories, as does he. We’ve caught up on our family and mutual friends doing the “whatever happened to…” game. But now, there’s nothing new. It doesn’t take away the good times we had together, but, it does demonstrate the honest truth about live moving on.
Whether it is friends from High School you stopped talking with in College, or friends in College you stopped talking to in University, or friends in University you stopped talking to on the Work Force, or even friends on the Work Force you stopped talking to when moving from one company to another. The reality is: if you really WANTED to keep in touch with them (or they with you), a way would have been found. And, regardless of how important they were to you at that time, because they’re not around now is just the fact that they’re (or you’re) not needed at this time. It might be sad, but it’s all right. And the realization is true.
If you haven’t wanted to keep in touch with me, there’s no reason I should break my head to keep in touch with you. And if I haven’t wanted to keep in touch with you when you haven’t made any effort to keep in touch with me, that’s just the way it is. I’m very happy to keep a friendship/ correspondance going. Distance, however, does bring in to play the very ideals that if there was something about you which bothered me back then, you’re easier to ignore now.
Life moves on and people change. Friendships, which normally should mean more than they do, have become commodities. Important in the present, but possible to be traded in the future.
Reality bites and truth hurts. But it’s very true for me now. If you’re not willing to keep the contact, I’m not gonna bust my ass to force the issue. See you at the next reunion. You’ll know where to find me.