…The Highs…
Beavers Camping Weekend at Lac Adair has come and gone! It was an excellent weekend filled with laughter, adventure, discovery, games, and did I mention laughter? 🙂 We had an absolute blast and the weather even co-operated by not being so extreme that we couldn’t go out. And out we did go! On hikes, on snow-shoeing marches, and to generally play. It was really a great time! And the fact that both James and Melyssa were with me made it so much more so because we get the chance to keep strengthening our bond. And they loved having me there and at their disposal ALL the time. We had sing-alongs, campfire stories, games, and even just general down-time where we simply hung around each other.
…The Lows… (read no further if you don’t want any exposure to raw emotions regarding my kids)
When we got home tonight, we got busy with getting ready to go back to their mother’s. Bath, shampoo, dressed, eat, etc. We didn’t have much time but we made the most of it and enjoyed it. During the entire time, though, I had noticed that James was somewhat emotional. He had asked to play on the computer and when I told him the new one wasn’t set up yet for games he almost started to cry. We worked out a deal and he enjoyed some pc time. Melyssa joined him later and an incident happened wherein she came to me tattling that he had said something. When I went to talk to him about him, he broke down in tears of frustration lamenting that “she’s just trying to get me in trouble like usual”.
I explained to him that I wasn’t going to punish him, I wanted him to tell me his side of the story. Afterwards, I was going to talk to Melyssa (again) about being a tattle-tale and try to teach her on how to resolve conflict. I pulled him with me into the kitchen and tried talking to him for a bit one-on-one. I knew right away that there was something wrong but he wouldn’t tell me. He believed my intentions regarding the discussion and we finished getting ready for supper.
After supper, we got into the car and made our way out. As we drove, we spoke about camp and about what fun we had. I had written a small camp song and we talked about it and also created some new verses – they loved that process! 🙂 Everything was fine until we got to their mother’s. Suddenly, all ready and everything, you could tell he was stretching it out. He said he didn’t want to go in that he wanted to stay and I told him how it was late, he had to go to bed, and tomorrow was a school day and I would talk to him soon and see him soon after that.
He slowly started making his way up the driveway when he just kept walking slower and slower. He turned back and he was bawling. I went to him asking what was wrong and he simply kept repeating how he wanted to stay with me and didn’t want to go inside. I did everything I could to console him but nothing worked. His mother opened the door and immediately freaked out with “omigodwhat’swrong!?”
I informed her nothing was wrong and he told her that he didn’t want me to go and he wanted to stay with me. Suddenly her attitude kicked in and with no pity in her voice or mannerisms barked out, “getinsidejamesitscold”. Her idiotic boyfriend even came to the door and tried his stupid jokes “why are you crying? oh it’s because the wind is blowing, eh?” Moron. She wanted to know what happened and I answered that nothing did. We had a wonderful time and he just stopped at this point with what he was saying.
She kept trying to grab his arm and drag him inside saying, “he’ll be fine when he’s inside”. I told her: “don’t dismiss his feelings”. “I’m not dismissing them! James come inside and give me hugs! I need my 3 days of hugs”. “Hey, he’s got feelings and you should stop putting them aside all the time.”
I kept trying to talk to him but he just wouldn’t hear me. She, on the other hand, stated to whomever was listening how, “if this is what camp does, then there aren’t gonna be very many of them!”. I shot her the dirtiest look I could. So dirty I wished the daggers in them were real enough to strike her.
I finally got him to the door and she pulled him inside (the entire time all she kept COMPLAINING about was that the door was opened and they were “heating the outside!” – God what an idiot). I kissed him again telling him I’d talk to him soon and he just yelled and yelled. The door closed and I stayed near the window to hear what would happen. He kept screaming “No!” and “Daddy!” and she kept telling him to calm down and that I had gone. “Let me give him a hug!” he screamed even louder than before. “He’s gone!” “No he’s not! Let me give him a hug before he leaves!” “It’s too late, he left already” “No he didn’t!!”
I walked up and knocked on the door saying, “Let me see him!” She opened the door and he just jumped into my arms. I held him tightly, rocking him, telling him I love him and that I would talk to him soon. “Ok, you got your hug, now let’s go” was her comment as the door closed. He had calmed down so I slowly started walking away, pausing long enough to wave good-bye to Melyssa through the window. She had been struck silent over the whole affair.
I got in the car and drove home, feeling helpless. James, as soon as he trusts you a little, will tell you that he wishes he could live and stay with me. One of the Beaver Leaders told me that he shared that piece of information with her almost 2 years ago! He has told many that he doesn’t like how he’s treated at his mother’s and that he feels he comes last in that house of girls (besides Melyssa, there’s his mother’s boyfriend’s 2 girls from his previous marriage). And based on how he gets treated by them all, you know, KNOW, he’s better treated by Chantale and I. Not that we dismiss Melyssa. Rather that we’re fair with everyone.
James knows that one day he’ll be old enough to make his own decisions. He also knows that right now he’s stuck in a shitty situation over which he has NO control. Pretty much like the rest of us.