Diary of a Dad - 2000 Journal

Welcome to 2000! As always, the entries are in order from top to bottom.

Thursday March 16, 2000

It happened again. I couldn't get the energy or drive together to start my journal for this year. And so, I find myself here with the first entry being in mid-march! Sad, really, but it's too late to do anything about it now. I'm not going to back-date any entries.

Right now, as I'm typing this up, I'm talking with Melyssa on the phone. In the background, I hear James crying and screaming. He spoke with me for a bit and then went to take his bath so Melyssa got on the phone. I don't know what's going on there right now, but all I can hear is "Mommy, I'm freezing! I can't stay with the door open! Come here, please! I'm freezing!" Which easily means that he's done with his bath and instead of being dried off, she's left him alone in the bathroom. To punish him? To get him to dry himself off? Who knows. ... I can't fucken stand it. I can't stand hearing my son cry in anguish like that. I can't stand the way she 'raises' the kids. It's no wonder they love being with me so much. The love I heap on them could never be touched by her. Sometimes I think she treats them like pets.

Deep breath.

Okay. So. To get back to what I was originally updating this journal for. I spent some time surfing the net this week looking around for other web sites dealing with divorce and fatherhood. One particular article I read on ParentTime really made me think. It was along the lines of not trying to be a "DisneyLand Dad". In other words, don't try to cram so much living into a weekend, it'll only tire the kids out. The same article suggested things like keeping a daily journal so the kids would know that you think about them every day. I liked that idea. It inspired me to get my butt back in gear and keep a journal about life with the kids. And so, what I'll do, is keep a Visitation Journal. After every visit, I'll write up a few paragraphs summarizing the kind of weekend it was and what we all did together. When necessary, I'll write up feelings and whatnot about the emotional impact of life. I will keep this focused on that aspect of my personal life (my kids James and Melyssa, and my girlfriend Chantale) with perhaps moments on work.

I guess I'll mention as a pre-entry that I've got the kids this weekend. So, tomorrow, I'll go pick them up from school and go have supper at my parents'. I'll hopefully have an entry written and uploaded sunday night!

Sunday March 18, 2000

Had a really nice weekend! Friday, Chantale and I picked James up at school and Melyssa at daycare. When James saw me, he ran into me SO hard he would have easily knocked me over had I not turned and saw him at the last minute! He held onto me SO tightly as I laughed and carried him to his locker. Melyssa was just as happy and we quickly made our way to my Parents' for a lovely supper. Afterwards, we went to my apartment and relaxed as we usually do on a friday night: lounged around playing computer games or watching videos. We did get in a game of Pokemon Monopoly though which was a nice way to end off the night.

Saturday morning after a hearty breakfast, I brought them to their gymnastics class and headed out to do groceries. The morning whizzed by and after lunch Melyssa took a long nap while I took a short one. James never seems to nap :) Once we managed to wake Melyssa, we picked up my mom and headed out to the pet shop to get new filters for the aquarium. My mom bought us 2 Tetras to try and brighten up the tank. At home, we washed the aquarium and then enjoyed the clear water :) After supper, Chantale came over and after watching James kick butt in Duke Nukem (the very first version of this game :) ), the four of us ended up building a Lego house before the kids went to bed.

Sunday is typically a restful day. Everyone slept in (with James and Melyssa, 7am IS sleeping in!! :) ) and then we had breakfast and played for a bit. Melyssa went to my folks' and I brought James to the pool. I love watching him in the water. He's such a fish :) And he looks so cute in his red speedos! :) I should try to get a picture of him and put it up here :) After a great lunch, we headed out to Zeller's so I could get Melyssa a new pair of running shoes and a pair of sunglasses. At the same time, James bought himself a Digimon toy (Greymon, of course) with his allowance. As is usual, walking around the store got me to buy a few more items. Namely, a Basketball and a Soccer ball. Have to get ready for the summer! :) The rest of the afternoon (what little there was left) was spent relaxing with a Disney video. Supper time came soon and then it was time to take them to their other home.

Afterwards, I went over to Chantale's and spent the evening chatting with her and her folks (who just got back from Germany). It was fun hearing tales about their trip as well as seeing their home movies. Once done, Chantale and I relaxed by watching An Extremely Goofy Movie (plenty of yuks (g)) and then it was time to head home for some shut-eye. A new week awaits!

Overall, it was a really nice weekend. The kids were in a good mood (outside of Melyssa pulling a tantrum every single time something doesn't go her way) and we all had fun together, especially when Chantale came over. (James keeps saying she's his girlfriend and I keep reminding him that she's mine! :) ). Next visit in two weekends!

Sunday April 2, 2000

This weekend was definitely a little more hectic than the last one. I picked up James at school (with him zooming into me again as soon as he saw me (smile)) and went to my parents. Melyssa had spent the day with my mom since she had gone to the specialist to check on her ears (happily, she won't need to have tubes put into them!). It was my mom's birthday and we had a nice supper together. Afterwards, the kids and I went upstairs to my apartment and went into our Friday night routine. They stayed up later than usual (past 9pm) as we wanted to watch the Pokemon movie. However, as soon as they hit the sack, they were fast asleep.

Saturday morning was routine as well with them dragging me out of bed to make them breakfast. Everyone was in a pretty good mood even though I, naturally, didn't get enough sleep (grin). As I drove them to gymnastics, Melyssa told me how she was a big girl and wouldn't cry any more (up until that day, every time I left her at the gym, she would burst into tears when I had to leave). Sure enough, she was a brave little girl and happily skipped off to join her group when it was time. James, on the other hand, wouldn't let go of me and kept running back into my arms to give me kisses and hugs (giggle). When I went back to pick them up, I sat in the far corner of the gymnasium and waited. Melyssa came out of the other gym on the opposite side and as soon as she spotted me, she screamed in delight and sped all the way across the gym into my arms! It was so adorable! I especially liked how all the other parents lined up against the wall smiled and giggled as this little whirlwind zoomed by them (big grin). After lunch, we went to the park to enjoy the weather as it was really nice. We played on the swings, the slides, the see-saws, and everything else available. The only thing I really didn't like was the fact that the parks haven't started being maintained by the city and thus there was a LOT of broken glass scattered about. I spent some time picking up the bigger pieces I could see wherever they played. Anyhow, it was still a lot of fun and before we knew it, supper time had arrived. Melyssa basically fell asleep during supper. I knew she was tired because she hadn't taken a nap so I let her. After an hour, though, she wouldn't wake up so I put her into bed. James and I played on the computer installing old games (anyone remember Duke Nukem 1, Commander Keen, Secret Agent Man, etc?). At 8pm, we watched an episode of Pokemon and he went happily to bed. Melyssa woke up at that point and went to join him in my bed. I settled in and watched a movie.

Sunday was rough. Melyssa had started coughing late the previous night and kept me up because of it. I was worried that her asthma was kicking in but she wasn't showing any signs of it. I didn't sleep at all until about 6:30am when she finally settled in (after her Ventolin/ Flovent kicked in). By that time, however, James was awake and so within an hour or so we were all up. The morning was a haze but I managed to get them ready and Melyssa went to my parents while I brought James to the pool. We had lunch with my folks and then I tried, desperately tried to take a nap. James wasn't tired so he played. Melyssa was tired but she just lay on the futon and didn't sleep. I crawled into bed but was too exhausted. Luckily, Chantale came over to help me as I was a total wreck. She stayed with Melyssa and played games with her which allowed me to get a little less than an hour's sleep. She had to go and so I got up and stayed with them. I made supper and prepared to bring them home. It was only at this point that Melyssa started breathing in a rasping tone. uh-oh. I took her home and sure enough her mom said I had to take her to the hospital. I was sure it wasn't asthma but her cold. Still, I drove her to the hospital. Because she suffers from asthma, we were seen right away. The triage nurse took us into a room and gave Melyssa an oxygen mask. 90 minutes later, we spoke to a doctor who stated that it was her congestion and not her lungs/asthma and gave me directions for a Ventolin/ Flovent treatment. Melyssa kept stating how she wanted to go to my apartment and sure enough, we were able to leave. 3 hours from the time we left for the hospital, I was home, in bed, trying to get some sleep, Melyssa asleep next to me. I'm glad we didn't have to wait 4 hours at the hospital just to SEE a doctor.

Melyssa didn't cough much during the night so I got some sleep in. By 6am, she was awake and coughing. I didn't like the sound of it and rushed to her only to rush her into the bathroom where she proceeded to throw up some of her congestion. Once that was out of her system, she lay on the couch and my mom came up to take care of her. By the time I was ready to leave for work, she was in a great mood and feeling much better. I called my mom several times during the day and she told me that Melyssa was fine (she kept rushing to the phone to talk to me and kept asking after me all day (smile)). The treatment kept her from coughing. After picking up my work papers from Cinar (I start working for them as a Network Administrator --woohoo!), Chantale and I headed home and had supper with my folks and Melyssa. We took her home and the adventure ended. James again crushed me in his arms when he saw me. I really, really, really like when they do that (big happy grin)

Sunday April 16, 2000

Friday the 14th was my last day working at Standard Life. It was a really weird feeling as there was hardly any acknowledgement of that fact. I simply passed the day away, left early, and went to pick up the kids. James was ecstatic about me getting him so early (3:30pm instead of 4:30pm) and I got a hearty laugh out of seeing him with his new buzzcut and his missing lower tooth. We had planned to watch Star Wars Phantom Menace that night, but the copy I had bought was defective and thus we spent the time doing something else. Saturday morning, we headed out to the Fairview mall to exchange the movie. James had a little outbreak of chicken pox on his butt and Melyssa was all congested so I decided not to go to their gymnastic class and went shopping together. At the same time, we walked through the Easter Farm and James got to pet a sleeping chicken and feed a goat (smile). The only item on the agenda for Palm Sunday was a birthday party at McDonald's for a friend of the family (James' Godmother's daughter, Alexia, to be precise). The kids all worked themselves out in the playground and then, tired, cranky, and hungry, they were led to the party room to eat. The party was a first for me. Basically, spending a few hours with 'old' friends of my pre-divorced life. They are my ex-wife's friends and I really wasn't sure how the day would be. I wasn't nervous or embarrased or anything like that. Why should I be? Do I have to feel embarrased about my current situation? Nope. I've accepted the fact that my life is intimately better for having divorced. So, I don't feel guilt of any kind over that fact. Anyhow, I didn't feel alienated by anyone and enjoyed watching the kids have fun. The party ended and with the kids still cranky and tired but now zonked on sugar, we went home. Thus ended another weekend with the kids (grin).

Monday April 24, 2000

I was originally supposed to pick up James and Melyssa on Maundy Thursday but couldn't due to illness. See, last Monday, I ended up getting a fever and felt like hell. It broke early enough for me to make it to my first day at my new job on Tuesday but by night time, I was very ill once again. I finally went to the clinic on Wednesday morning to find out that I was suffering from Strep Throat. Too late to prevent Chantale from catching it worse, though. So, since I had to work half a day on Friday, the kids stayed with my folks until after lunch. We started our routine a little early as we settled in to watch Stuart Little and then play with the toys in the living room. Afterwards, Melyssa wanted to play the Hercules Animated Storybook on the computer but when I reached to get it, I found it shattered in half. I confronted James about it, asking why he hadn't told me that it was broken and when it had happened. As usual, he claimed he knew nothing about it. Very hard to believe since he's the only one who uses the computer on his own. When Melyssa wants to play, she asks me. So, his punishment was simple. Loss of access to the computer for this weekend. That put a damper on the Friday that's for sure.

Saturday was basically spent lounging around and Sunday was spent mainly playing with a lot of my old toys. James and Melyssa get a big kick out of playing with my action figures :) Easter Monday I had off so the kids stayed with me and we had some fun grocery shopping and whatnot. We picked up Chantale for supper and she and I put together a scrumptious feast and had a great meal! It was probably the best Easter Monday I ever had!

Friday April 29, 2000

I'm sitting here with a big goofy grin on my face. I've been home for the last 90 minutes now and have been using that time to clean out my office of a slew of old paper. Out of nowhere, James calls me up. The conversation went like this:
Me: Hello?
James: I have something to tell you.
Me: Yes? What's up little buddy?
James: You're the BEST Dad in the world!
Me (shocked): Oh, God! Thank you, sweetie! That's so nice of you to tell me!

He had to go as he was still in the middle of supper, but that just floored me so much I *had* to jump online and post this journal!! :)

By the way, it turns out that James didn't re-catch Chicken Pox. He caught Inpetigo somehow. And, based on what I read, that's probably the way I caught Strep throat which I then passed on to Chantale. It's funny how much medical knowledge you get while raising children (grin)

Monday June 26, 2000

Had an absolutely amazing weekend! Friday June 23rd I picked the kids up at 2pm and we got to enjoy some time in the sun before heading over to a DPM barbeque. As they're on the eve of moving their operations center, a BBQ was being held for both current and former employees. As I wanted to see some of my old friends, I decided to head over with the kids. They got to enjoy some hot dogs and chips for a bit and then we headed over to Chantale's place so they could go swimming a bit. We then picked Chantale up at the metro as she was working a late shift and headed back to the BBQ. James had a complete ball watching and participating in the dunking of an old friend (Chris) who gracefully accepted being in the dunk booth. A lot of the spectators got a huge kick out of watching James enjoy himself so much (smile). After a bit, we headed back to Chantale's for more pool fun. Melyssa was a little scared getting in, but Chantale gently coaxed her and soon she was having a blast. Getting them to bed that night was no trouble at all as they fell asleep on the car ride home (grin). I must admit, however, that it was a little difficult bringing them into the house. I parked the car in the garage, opened the apartment door and then carried them to their beds one at a time.

Saturday morning, we enjoyed a nice breakfast and then headed back to Chantale's to drop off our kiddie pool and pick up Chantale. From there, we headed over to my sister's as her husband and her were hosting a BBQ to celebrate their 10 year wedding anniversary! It was a nice family gathering with amazing food (my brother-in-law Kausar is an excellent chef). It ended a little early as Kausar had to get to work. It fit our plans just fine because I then loaded up the kids and we headed back to Chantale's as her mom was hosting a pool party/ birthday party for a close friend of the family. James fell asleep on the ride and passed out for over an hour on Chantale's bed while Chantale, Melyssa, and I enjoyed the pool. He joined us soon enough and within a few hours there were about 18 children and 22 adults having a great time under a beautiful sky! James is simply amazing in the pool and it is great seeing how all his swimming lessons paid off. Melyssa made me so proud as she used a life preserver to swim back and forth from the stairs to the rope of the pool in the shallow end. Every time she made it back to the stairs, she would stand up, lift her arms in the air and very happily exclaim: "Je l'ai eu! Je l'ai eu!" ("I got it! I got it!"). Considering how scared she was the night before, it was heartwarming seeing her bravely float/ swim with joyful abandon. Everyone had so much fun it was near- impossible to get them out of the pool! But, after many hours of fun, it was indeed time to pack up. Melyssa fell asleep on the drive home but once inside James and I were quick to join her in dreamland. The end of a beautiful day in which the kids were amazingly well-behaved considering it was their first time involved in such an outing.

Sunday morning began another day of fun. We relaxed in the morning and then after a quick lunch, we headed over to pick up Chantale and then made our way to Ottawa to visit the Museum of Science and Technology. It was a 2 hour ride through an intense storm, but it went by quickly enough. James slept the whole way while Melyssa rested. Once there, I gave them the ground rules and when I got their agreement, we went in. It had been a while since I was last there and it was fun going through it again with James and Melyssa being older and with Chantale being there. We enjoyed playing with all the various materials there (from the walkie-talkies to the simulations) and ended it off with a dizzying walk through The Krazy Kitchen. 2 hours later, we were done and ready to head home. The drive back to town was much faster as the rain had finally ended. We snacked, chatted, sang, and after an hour stopped for some food. We got back to town by 6pm, ending a glorious weekend of fun and activity! Next time: The Planetarium!

Overall, this was one of the most active and fun-filled weekends I have ever spent with the kids. From the moment I picked them up to the moment I dropped them off it was a never-ending stream of fun and frolic. They were both well-behaved and not only did THEY have a blast, so did *I*. It was reassuring having Chantale there to help me out and it was also nice/ cute how at times Melyssa would go off with her while I stayed with James or vice-versa. It sure put me in a great mood and makes me look forward to the summer even more than before! Of course, the hardest part about having had such an amazing weekend... I feel their absence much more strongly when they're not there the next morning...