Chantale Turgeon ~ Mommy Moments 2005

Where to begin?

My life has changed. I am in love. His name is Kyle. Kyle Ethan Aragona-Turgeon. He weighed 7lbs 14oz, measured 20 inches long, had a head circ of 15.5 inches, 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of hair, the cutest button nose, and to me he is absolutely the most perfect thing I've ever laid my eyes on. He's so innocent, smells delicious, I can (and have) kissed him all over, I love the way he cries, I love the way he sticks his tongue out, my heart just melts when he smiles, and when I feed him and he looks up at me with his blue eyes I can get lost in that forever. He looks like an angel when he sleeps and I love how he knows us already. I never thought that I would love someone as fiercly - love at first sight. So here I am - the luckiest woman on this earth - I am in love with 2 absolutely perfect men. I considered myself lucky with 1, and now I have another! I would do anything for either of them. The pain of child birth is negligible and I would go through it again for him. The after effects, the discomfort, isn't even worth mentionning since what I now have in my life is so worth every bit of it.

A quick recap of things I need to mention:

#1 THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who sent their thoughts, prayers and encouragement throughout. It meant the world to Mike and I knowing we are surrounded by people who care and love us.

#2 THANK YOU FOR ALL THE VISITS AND PHONE CALLS during the past few days. Again, we appreciate everything! A special thanks to Kyle's new friends who've come to check him out - Matt and Liam - what a trio these guys will turn out to be! Oh Matt, Kyle wants you to know that he still thinks you were pretty darn cute back last Oct 31st! And Liam, THANKS for that wonderful pillow that I just tried out before and fed just perfectly on. It was the easiest time we've had feeding since I've been born and mommy sure does appreciate it more than you can imagine!!

#3 Thanks to uncle Francisco and Matante Line for the best darn teddy and wonderful blankie, it's so soft and I can't wait for a chilly day to be wrapped up in it! Mommy thanks you for the yummy chocolate as well. :)

On top of all that, it's going well. Being home is wonderful, being together as a family is great. Mommy is feeling well (impressed even herself with her pain threshold and recovery) considering she stayed the minimum 36 hours at the hospital and it was merely policy that she stayed that long. Feeding is going well too, I do think I'm slowly getting the hang of it, there is something so gratifying when feeding your baby, it's just so special. Daddy is absolutely perfect in eery which way. From holding my hand for the IV, for staying right by my side when I went into convulsions, to holding me still and watching me get the epidural, to assisting in the birth, to cutting the cord and being literally in 2 places at once while watching the baby get examined and holding me while I was being put back together again. He's been there 200% for me emotionally, and does everything he can to help me recover. I love him.

Okay, bed time now..more details later on the baby and me and the past few days.

Thank you so much Adam for the delicious food! Karine wasn't exagerating one bit with your cooking skills! Mike and I appreciated seeing it in the fridge this afternoon after a day of cluster feedings and of maybe no more than 3 hours of sleep last night. Kyle is in a eat for an hour or more and sleep for an hour and half. That's down from the 2 1/2 to 4 hours we got the first few days of life. On top of that last night he pulled a double shift on me. Woke up, fed him for an hour (very active feed), then had very active diaper change. That woke him up enough to realize that he's still hungry, fed for another hour (still very active) then again back to the dirty diaper change. That lasted from 1:30 until about 4am. He was awake at 5:30 and at 7am to be fed again. This last time mommy stayed in bed, as I couldn't even find my feet anymore so we all fell asleep in bed, baby on the breast when I woke up at 9am baby still latched on.

Things we've done: Yesterday was baby's first walk.

The night before first time baby was outside (with his friend Liam).

Today was baby's first outing in a car ride (excluding trip home from hospital).

Today our pastor came over to visit and to bless Baby Kyle.

Yesterday night was baby's first bath followed quickly with first time baby peed on mommy :) Much better than the day before of pooping on daddy (giggle) :)

He's been smiling since the second day, he's already making attemps to lift his head. But the most bragging I want to do (aside from what I do on a regular basis) is about our CLSC visit today. Birth weight 7ls 14oz, leaving weight 7lbs 7oz. CLSC nurse visit on monday 7lbs 6 1/2oz (all normal since baby's loose weight until day 3-4) and that was only day 3. The important part is that they get their birth weight back by day 7-10. Day 5 for Kyle and he's at (drum roll please....) 7lbs 15oz!!!! Surpassed his birth weight! The nurse couldn't believe the gain, she kept saying how good my milk must be! (phew...yes it was a relief since no mother really knows for sure) Another thig was the ease that my milk came in, It was officially here by monday, when I squirted myself in the eye when investigating the matter :) So I guess it's normal to have my milk in on day 3. Today though with Kyle's constant demand of last night I had to pump one side when even 45 minutes of feed on that one side I pumped 2oz in a matter of minutes. Relief from heavy boob!! :)

But so far, and I count my blessings and my tolerance for pain, the pain and discomfort hasn't been so bad. My stich were hard to deal with yesterday, but that cleared out within a few hours (obviously after Kyle's friend Matt left). And today outside of 1 doze of Codine this morning I'm drug free and it's 10pm!

Oh and Kyle was finally introduced to Casey and both are adapting well. Puppy has sniffed baby all over, and sniffed the house up and down and up again with all the new baby smells! She's really a great dog, she gets as close as she can to his nose and they have staring contests. Before I had Kyle on the bed she lay beside him just looking over him. Darnit didn't have the camera handy! Need to download the vast amount of pictures we have already. I'm also dying to see any pictures that my family has taken, hell I haven't even seen the pictures!

The kids just arrived home too, so now, for the first time the entire family is together. Last night was puppy and us, tonight all 3 kids and puppy and us.

So since I'm getting used to this baby routine (to a degree anyways) I found a way to go online and breast feed at the same time! So now my posts should be getting more regular and I'll be able to write more about my baby boy and our new life together!

I really can't believe the cloud 9 that I'm living on, I've never experienced anything like it before, it's so surreal and I feel so wonderful! It's apparently not like that for all new moms from what I saw today at the CLSC, so many moms complaining and looking so sad. Heck, yes exhaustion plays a huge role, but that's nothing compared to what I would do for this little guy!

Mmmmm, Mike's home, going to eat more yummy Adam food! :) Karine, you are a lucky lady with a husband that cooks so well and a son who's just so darn gorgeous and adorable!

Tomorrow Kyle is 1 week old - kind of, only at night though. Time flies, he changes every single day and I just try to soak in every single moment. I wish he could stay this way forever. He's just so darn yummy and adorable. He's perfect to me, even when he pees all over the place, or dirties 2 diapers in a row. I'm just in love...happy sigh...

I can't believe his growth since birth, it's truly amazing, he keeps impressing everyone, doctors and nurses and parents. The fact he's able to roll over on his side already ... and speaking of which, from the sounds (and smell) of things, he needs changing :) Maybe that's what's giving him the extra "push" onto his side... :) Gotta go.

Don't forget to take a glance at today's Sunday Montreal Gazette for Kyle's official birth announcement(thanks grandma!).

Things have been going well. Sure a little tired, sure trying to follow his schedule, he has one, just doesn't necessarily let us in the loop in advance on what it is. :)

Nights have so far been nice. A feeding at 8-9pm then is awake but quiet and alert until 11. Another feeding from 11-12, then he sleeps until 3:30. Feed him until 4:30 then he sleeps until 7:30 or 8am. Here is the point where it's important for me to go back to sleep since he'll snooze until 11:30 or noon. Then I'm good to go for an outing! Feedings are anywhere from 30-45 minutes with about 10-15 minutes of extras - diapers & burping mainly.

Speaking of diapers...I HATE them. No one showed me how to do it 'properly' and it seems that we can't seem to figure our little guy out in this regard. The amount of times I've been peed on and pooped on is embarrassing to even say. I take off the diaper, then within a minute he pees. Sometimes he does 3-4 times within a change, so while I try to clean up the mess, he off peeing again! Then f we're really slow he will happily add a poop. When I manage to get a handle on the situation, the diaper is on a crooked, his PJs are soaked, and within minutes he poops again and...it leaks out of those damn diapers that I really tried so hard to get on right. sigh. Yesterday for example, he peed on my dad, through the diaper. I realize only after, that in the midst of pee catching and cleaning and wrestling with a diaper on a wiggling newborn, I forgot to put his peeper down. Then the part that irritates me is Mike's ability to simply whip it off, clean, and put it back on, no leaks or mess involved and all within seconds! This week when he's back at work should be interesting. I know I'm no idiot, but I can't be the only one who struggles with this!

Yesterday was our first family car ride, one in the morning to find a diaper bag. Finally after a long drive out we found a nice one at ToysRUs, picked up breastmilk storage bags and a garbage for dirty diapers. The first week was bearable, but now, I have to say we are both tired of lingering dirty diaper smell in our bathroom.

We came home took a nap, and made our way for our first family supper at my parents where my uncle, aunt and cousins are staying. So that was our first FULL family ride, Mom, Dad, 3 kids and dog.

There seems to be so much to say and I am afraid of missing or forgetting things. I just realize that week 1 flew by and I hardly remember much, felt like I was bouncing from cloud to cloud.

I am glad to be having some quiet time alone this week, maybe then I'll be able to find a balance, but now with the kids and family and visits, I'm quite tired. I realize I'm still recovering from labour, even though I'm up and about, I still need rest to recover fully. Heck my stiches are still there.

Today the kids are going to the beach with my parents and cousins. That gives us a day of quiet - even though I expect to be having people over, at the very least Mike's parents at some point.

That's all for now, time for my morning nap!

Kyle lost his umbilical cord yesterday while Lu was over keeping me company.

Mom and my aunt came over yesterday morning and cleaned my house from top to bottom. I can't describe the relief of being in a clean house! Not that it was dirty, just I didn't see when we'd get to it all.

I was in bed last night by 8pm, don't remember much after that. Fed Kyle every few hours in a total daze. Everyone is awake now, but mommy is still looking forward to this afternoons nap.

Hence all the broken sentences.

We have bumblebees in our front yard, someone is coming to take care of it later.

Got to go entertain fussing baby now.

Kyle is napping, mommy should be too, however since I've been home, it seems that afternoon nap that he takes is one that I just can't join - I've had people over every day at this time. Thankfully I slept until 10 so I'm not lacking too much. I gather it'll be another early bed time. I also had him try out his swing, seemed to like it after awhile. I'm just going to have to start re-arranging things around. I realize that many baby things are upstairs in our room or his, and after a while I start feeling stuck to upstairs. So very soon I gather I'm going to move things down. I just wish I could get things done with him around, so I'll be going to Pointe Claire village to that baby store and see if I can pick up a 2nd hand carrier. It would make my life right now with 3 floors much easier.

Tomorrow is CLSC weight day for my chubby little guy - who's already sporting a double chin and getting extra folds in his legs. So I'm not worried, just curious to see his progress. He also holds his head up for atleast 30 seconds on his own now when he's on my chest. This makes feeding him tricky since he can now pull off if he's not comfy! :)

I feel great! Much improved from the past few sleep deprived days, but I figured out that the key is sleeping that 1 extra nap time, be it afternoon or early evening. No more 11pm without a nap. So last night at 9:30pm back in bed and Mike held the HOT fussy baby. Poor thing was drenched in this heat. But it gave me 3 hours of sleep until next feeding. It's official (for now atleast) that 3 hours is his schedule, which come to think of it is pretty darn decent for a 12 day old. And he is like clock work too, at 12:30 1 'Wah', at 3:30, 1 'Wah', and again at 6:30.

Here's the incredible news though, after my 1st CLSC visit with Kyle with a nurse to check him out, he's grown 1/2 inch, his head has grown 1 1/2 cm, AND...he gained 1lbs and a bit IN 1 WEEK!!!! He's 8lbs, 14 some oz!!! They were freaking out over this, Mommy even did a double take and asked grandma and the nurse to read the number out since I really couldn't believe my eyes! They were REALLY duly impressed at his rapid weight gain. So really no problems feeding, the diaper thing has been fixed, really the only thing that has us kind of stumped is entertainment when he's awake. He loves looking around and really has a need to follow us. In the same manner that I need to move and he needs to follow me. And honestly, who built those car seats to carry around! Must have been a man who obviously doesn't slug the thing himself!

Today I had my first baby and me outing, granted my mom came to give us a lift, I prepared everything to go, it almost took me an hour to get ready to leave! So after the CLSC, we went to Sears to exchange some stuff, then bought nice smelling soap at Fruit & Passion also at Fairview, it was Kyle's first mall experience and we both appreciated the A/C. Then we went to Walmart, for more random things, by the time we left he was NEEDING a meal, so I sat in mom's car in 40C heat feeding him. Even with the air on high, there was no difference. I don't know how they do it in the hot countries! We stopped at Tim's for an ice cap (told baby that I had to cool down my milk *giggle*) and a muffin, then made our way to my parents to escape the heat! Honestly it's HOT! But nice in a way, not being pregnant I realize it's much more bearable and I quite enjoy feeling cooked. :)

So now, we're here, Mike and Casey will join us for supper, then we shall make our way back to our oven :)

What a really nice day I had, and it's past 4pm and I still feel good. I'm starting to get the swing of thigns and understanding Kyle. He'll only really cry when he's hungry, otherwise he lets out these cute 1 second 'wah' sounds just to say, 'hey I'm not happy guys!'

...gone to sleep earlier yesterday. oy.

Instead spent some quality time snuggling with Mike. This is my first post that I'm typing while feeding Kyle. Not as fast as I hoped but my left fingers are doing their best as I'm holding him with my right arm.

Yesterday was nice going out, but I have to admit takes some getting used to having a baby's schedule to keep in mind at all times. I now see the greatness to Movies for Mommies where you can feed and still watch a movie! I guess that's another thing I have to get used to, feeding in public.

I can't wait to have Mike home tomorrow night for another whole week! I can't wait for him to spend more cuddling time with his son, it's honestly my favorite part of my day. Yesterday Kyle stared up at his Dad for almost 30 minutes keeping focus the entire time. Mike would glance down and baby was looking up with his bright crystal blue eyes. I love these precious moments.

Different topic - I'm irritated that my work hasn't had the decency to return any of my phone calls! Just plain rude, I don't even want a congrats from them, I really have business to finalize with them! ARGH!

So monday is Kyle's 2 week appointment. I'm glad Mike is home next week with all the errands we have to run!

Today again I have my parents over - they are here getting their last baby fix before they leave town for a week. That's fine by me, she's insisting on cleaning my place before going again, and I'm not stopping her! I really appreciate it in fact since it'll also give Mike a break. Granted he has a list 3 miles long of things he wants to accomplish, but this will atleast help him out.

Tomorrow Mike's parents and Godmother are coming to visit, and sunday I think Kyle is getting his first official visit with his Godfather Francisco! Just the Godmother to ask now, trying to get the baptism outfit figured out. You my sister and I got baptised in the same dress that my Dad got baptised in 50 years ago, and I know my grandmother still has it, so I was thinking of asking if Kyle can use the same thing. I don't know the condition, but grandma keeps things in fantastic condition, and even if it's not pearly white it would be very special.

Not much else new, going to take a nap, and maybe a walk later on. It's good to get me out of the house for some fresh air sometimes.

Awake still.

No nap.

Very snappy. Sorry Sweetie.

Did finally work on Kyle's web page. Thanks Sweetie for your help.

Baby sleeping. He's really good.

Thanks Sweetie for giving me the best gift in the world, a 4 hour sleep stretch this morning.

Crazy week we're going to have! Appointments here, there, and everywhere! On top of that we have the kids so it's a full house and kind of nuts to pack everyone up and go. It's enough to go with Kyle, still getting used to not leaving anything at home, today we forgot the stroller...sigh. We'll get used to it, as long as we don't forget Kyle! :)

This weekend was tough, being 2 weeks old already, I'll admit that I got too confident and stopped 'taking care of myself' and very quickly felt the ramifications. I didn't realize how much 'recovery' was involved and it's not all physical.

Feeling much better today though, minus the fact I woke up and when I looked in the mirror I swear I had a sign on my face saying "WELCOME TO ALLERGY SEASON, RAGWEED IS YOUR FRIEND".

Today was Kyle's 2 week doctor visit - all is very good, the little piggy put on ... yes... it's true, another pound since last wednesday. He's just over 10lbs now and OFFICIALLY doesn't fit newborn diapers anymore - just as I had gotten the hang of them! :) He's also outgrown a number of outfits as he also grew a few more centimetres. So I already have a 'too small pile'! Incredible!

We left feeling great about his development and his health, everything is where is should be, and my family doctor turned out to be fantastic with him and with us! It's so nice to go and have her check me out, then Kyle out all at once - 2 birds, 1 stone!

We then made our way to Fairview for some shopping, Mike got new shoes, and I got a a new shirt. Nothing I have fits. All my tops are good in the shoulders and waist and length, it's my boobs that are huge! I can't believe the difference of what I used to be and what I am! None of my blouses fit and all my girly t-shirts are way too tight there! So I have to slowly build up a new wardrobe for a couple of months since they'll stay this way for as long as I breastfeed. I swear I'm going to have clothes of all sizes in my closet.

Mike then treated me (and indirectly Kyle) to breakfast at Cora's. So we sat by the water in Dorion having our first restaurant outing. Kyle obviously decided that the best time to feed was the second our meal arrived - didn't want to be left out I guess. So I ate one handed while feeding him and the whole family had brunch!

I must say how much I truly enjoy going out at this age, people oohing over him, saying how gorgeous he is (you should see me beam with pride at showing my baby off!) and all asking how many months old he is...*giggle* they freak that he's not even 3 weeks yet!

And here's a funny twist of fate. Last week in my quest of finding a pediatrician, there was 1 that my mother knew professionally, and after a well placed phone call we thought maybe we had a chance of 'getting in'. Finally no calls returned so hence we went to my doctor and were truly satisfied with her! A couple of minutes ago we got a call saying she's booked Kyle for this thursday and accepting him as a patient! Now I can't refuse since they are rare, so Kyle will be going to another appointment, just to "get in". Poor kid will be poked and prodded again.

We survived.

Barely.

Mike says he can laugh about it...I can't yet.

Kyle has decided that at 2 weeks and 3 days old was the perfect time for his 3 week old growth spurt. He's been attached to my boob for hours on end. He'll eat between 20-40 min on one side, then within minutes, screech as if he's starving to death and never seen my boob before. This has been going on since yesterday, I realized that his feedings went from 3-4 hours to 2-3 to 1-2, and for a few brief and hot hours to 10 minutes. If I didn't know any better I would think I had dried up completely and/or he wasn't latching properly. BUT his growth indicates otherwise with baby being 10lbs.

OH...that's not the worst of it.

So we get the kids yesterday, and finally Melyssa walks in the door and proudly states 'I have no more lice'. 'It's about time' I think to myself, considering she's had them since May. So finally a weekend of normality. Or so I thought. Within 20 minutes of that proud statement, James is upstairs throwing up all over the place. We shrug it off to heat stroke, as he had just come back from a baseball game. Mike cleans up the carpet, the floor and anything else he hit on his way to the toilet. This was the beginning of a night of hell. If it wasn't Kyle screeching to be fed, it was James bawling and running to the bathroom. ALL NIGHT LONG. We slept maybe a total of an hour in pieces of 5-10minutes. Then at 4am, when the 2 boys seemed settled, Mike and I lie back in bed, and within 10 seconds, Melyssa yells at the top of her lungs.

She had a nightmare and it took 45 minutes to settle her down. At which point James was back on his knees and Kyle back on my boob.

The entire family is in a haze. Finally things cleared up for James who finally got over the last of his gastro by this afternoon, and even managed to keep food down. Kyle (who keeping food down wasn't the issue) finally got settled down for a 3 hour nap. The only way to do so was to strip him down to his diaper, put him on the couch with the fan on us. I hear it now "you put a fan on your naked baby!!!" Yes I did and he slept!

So he slept really well yesterday afternoon and evening. That translates into ... he slept horribly last night. Couldn't settle in, couldn't latch on properly, but was apparently hungry. Again we were on 1 hour intervals. sigh. The problem we've figured out, just the solution is not obvious. He's got major diaper rash, so the poor kid everytime he does anything down there, it stings to high heaven. We've changed diaper brands, we've changed ointments 3 times, changed wipes 3 times. NOTHING is clearing up his poor sensitive bum.

The part that ticks me off is that all the books say that breast fed babies don't get diaper rash. ARGH! Mine does! So I sent off Mike this morning for Ilse Paste...

...

Diaper update - as I was changing him, Mike walks in holding that container. Let's hope it clears up some for everyone's sake. At any rate, tomorrow is his pediatrician appointment, and she can hopefully salvage his bum.

I can't believe that diaper rash can affect everyone's mood. He's besides himself and cranky, doesn't like diaper changes and I can't blame him, my heart sinks when I have to wipe him. At the same time, he can't get enough rest and thus is exhausted.

...

The first few weeks home were easy and honestly fantastic, now he's awake more, needs to be held more, and hardest of all fed way more often. I didn't mind feeding 45 minutes to know that 2-3 hours were guaranteed after that. When he latches for all of 5 minutes and is unwilling to wake up, I know that I have between 10-30 minutes left before he fusses. Sleeping a few hours here and there is a piece of cake compared to sleeping 20 minute stretches. It's taking a toll on me an my emotions. Mike seems to think it's not that hard, but I think the part that people don't realize is that sure if you wake up after 20 minutes and roll over it's one thing, but being the ONLY one able to feed him I am awake after that feeding and calming him. Mike's been great with coming to change his diaper mid-feeding and burping him but he luckily goes back to bed. When Kyle's done the other side and I put him down, he wakes up and is fussing so really there's not much dodo time for me.

Today I'm getting my hair done. It's a treat that I would think twice about since Kyle is going to be there and chances are that at 1 point I'll have to feed. But since before my hospital stay I've been dying to go, so I'm way overdue! Hopefully it'll make me feel better about myself. I know I've been hard on myself and there's been lots of pressure put on me to loose my weight, and I did loose 20lbs, but my bone structure hasn't moved yet, so pants don't fit, I'm still stuck in maternity pants (which really irks me) and I'm still 15lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. This number hasn't budged on the scale. When will my bones move back into place? Until then I feel fat and am fed up with my wardrobe.

What a difference a hair style can make! No more roots! I got some volume, Diane even styled it for me to make me feel good! I love her! She's Kyle's official aunt. Heck, she gave me my first haircut 25 years ago, and is the only person to have ever touched my hair. She deserves the title! :) She also got him the cutest little fall outfit to take walks in. It's just adorable!

ahem...Kyle slept 4 hours straight this afternoon! I'm so proud! He didn't wake up once during my entire appointment! Mike changed him in the car, I fed him a good hearty 10 minutes, and he's been sleeping since! That's another hour so far! I think we'll be just fine for a while! This is the baby I thought I had! :) I also realize that a/c played a huge role in making him comfy enough to sleep all that time!

Now I'm happy! I feel pretty, I'm wearing a new t-shirt that makes me look good, and my baby is good too. Ah...

Enjoy it while it lasts! :)

Thanks for all the replies to the diaper rash thing. I'm taking ALL the advice, so Sandman-he's getting corn starched, Karine-Ihle's Paste it is and Arin- baby will be bare bum tonight! :)

Spent the afternoon shopping yesterday with my sister and a good friend. I assume everything I do now is going to be an experience with Kyle. First time I go out alone with him, first time at Fairview. Having a baby around makes you think of things completely different. I quickly realize that after all the years of going to Fairview, yesterday I had to locate the bathrooms for the first time, not for myself, but for my son. And quickly on the fly I had to learn to change a diaper in a stinky and hot crowded bathroom with everyone looking at my crying son. I don't do well with a lot of people on good days, so I really had to focus on wht I was doing to keep calm. Finally after a not so messy but yet not so clean diaper change, we get back out. And I'm realizing that he's hungry. sigh. Where to go to feed in a full mall, with no seats in a quiet corner anywhere. My sister suggests the bathroom stall. sigh. We both lasted 5 minutes in a really hot and stinky stall, it was just enough to make him dazed and not cry. I'm thankful he's at a cute stage that even if he cries I have people giving me nice smiles and cooing over him. This I imagine won't last long. :)

Finally after hitting a few more stores, getting 2 tops, a pair of pants, and our Kyle's firts pair of jeans, he just refused to stay in his seat and seemed only content in someone's arms. So here I was, thankful that Sylvie was there to push the stroller, while I held Kyle. I really need a darn carrier, I have to get off my butt and do something about this next week! I also remembered that Sears had a breastfeeding room so I made my way there to check it out since I'm just not that comfortable yet with a newborn to be sitting in a full mall across from someone and feeding, and that bathroom stall incident was not how I like feeding! All I have to say is YAY! to how wonderful that place is! The room isn't large, but when you shut that door the mall buzz goes completely away! There is a rocking chair, and a sofa, with a few more chairs around and a changing table thing. It's just so good! So after a proper feeding there and chatting with another new mom, Kyle made his happy little budda face and was quiet enough to leave.

What I did realize is that from before his doctors appointment at noon, until 8pm after I had supper at my sisters - he didn't sleep for more than 5 minutes. So by the time I came home, I had a cranky and tired and hot baby in my arms. So naked he was, and I rocked him outside until way past the sunset. It wasn't until he was knocked out cold that I realize that I would probably have a great night! He slept 4 hour stretches ALL night long! He would do super effective feedings and changings and after 30 minutes we were done and back to bed! At 6am, I fed him in bed and he slept beside me until 9am when we woke him up for a diaper change. We want to avoid waking a sleeping baby (trust me) but with his diaper changes going so much better and him bum making incredible improvements over the past 12 hours, we want this to clear up before letting him stay too long in a wet diaper.

Who knew that Canesten would clear up diaper rash?!

Here I am, all alone with baby and puppy. :) I gather this will be my new life for the next while. Mike's back at work - Mom is back at work too, and the visitors have now slowed to only a few here and there. :)

I'm doing well, my hormones are somewhat more steady and getting lots of sleep really helps. Kyle is sleeping nicely through the night. He will go to sleep anywhere from 9 to 10pm sleep 4 hours, eat, sleep 3 hours, eat, sleep 4 hours, and sometimes another 2-3 hours which brings me to 10-11am :) Not so bad! He'll then be awake (like now) and will happily sit in his chair and look around and allow me to eat breakfast and be online for awhile.

He's changed so much over the past 3 weeks that he hardly looks like the baby I brought home! I also can't believe how heavy he's getting, after a full day of holding him my shoulders and back ache and I can barely pick up his chair.

It's also amazing how quickly the develop and do the cutest little things! Even if he's still in the 'uncontrolled' smile phase, he giggles and smiles which just absolutely melts anyone! He's making more noises now and definately wiggling more, this means an occasional flying foot in a diaper during a change. Speaking of which, thanks again for all the advice, Kyle has a cute healthy baby bum.

Now I'm going to spend some time outside to get some fresh air!

Why is it that it's at the 1am or 3 am feeding, when the computer is 2 floors away, that I think of all sorts of things to post about, and once morning comes, !poof! they disappear!

I know! - keep a notepad close by.

It's crazy all the firsts that Kyle has and trying to keep track is just hopeless. Heck I wanted to keep a journal since his birth and yet the only place I manage to write anything these days is here!

I know! - better late than never.

We went to bed last night quite early 9pm. Baby was asleep, Casey was passed out, and we couldn't think straight anymore. Must have needed it since Mike said that he finally felt rested this morning for the first time in weeks!

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It's so hard to type with baby in arms. I actually had a dream about baby bjorn last night and how wonderful it was that I could carry baby around, even take a walk with him without a bulky stroller.

11:45 - Finally he's settled down abit - yay for the swing! I find he loves to be awake during the day. In a good mood, but just very awake and needs to be with me. This is good I guess since at night he sleeps well enough - the only feeding I find hard is the 3am one, whether he eats at 11pm or 1am, at 3 he's awake and hungry. His schedule really is stable, just has a few changes that happens. Hopefully having more stable days will lead to more stable nights, as the reason yesterday he slept all day was that I went out with my sister and friends and he sleeps through car rides, thus leading him to be fussy awake last night. Also the fact that he was so hot that he had heat rash on his face and shoulder, didn't help his comfort level any, hence a late night bath did him wonders! :)

must say here that when I say he's fussy, he's not crying or bawling or colicky (thankfully) just whiny and wiggly! :) I also have to say that he's quite easy to read, Mike and I seem to know what's wrong and decipher his "wahs" already. It's not rocket science taking care of a baby, there's only a few things that could be wrong! :)

Today again will be my last day alone for the week (I'm loving my friends!) Tomorrow Charlotte is coming over with Sushi, and Friday Kyle has his first play date with Liam (oh and mommy gets to enjoy good company too!) ;)

I've been getting wonderful care packages and gifts for Kyle all week, in fact since the he was born! It's nice getting gifts and cards, my sister and boyfriend got him hilarious books, my fav is 'Urban Babies Wear Black' Got some cool smart toys from the owner of Babar books (a friend of ours), a beautiful package from my aunt and uncle, no... I specify - from my 2 year old cousing Ethan to Kyle Ethan :) A bunch of clothes that Kyle can wear. The great thing about this is that my cousin was born 11lbs, thus the everything in the box fits Kyle perfectly and will continue to do so for atleast a couple of months! :) Yay to big baby family! :)

The sad part though is that I've gone through his clothes twice since he's been born and I have some gorgeous onesies and outfits that have been worn once. I'm putting aside tons of stuff, the stuff borrowed will go back to the owners, but my stuff will be boxed until next baby!

I can't believe I've said next baby already. :)

Another crazy thing is that I'm still getting gifts that already are too small for him - yay to exchange programs! :) And the stuff that's non-exchangable...well it's just sitting in a box. :(

Ever have one of THOSE days.

Kyle only did 2 hour shifts last night, meaning I only got about 1 hour of sleep per cycle, and thus by 6am this morning I had only 3 hours of sleep when he decided to wake up for good. So awake in fact I was unable to do anything but try to console him by feeding him since it was the ONLY time he wasn't crying. Was he hungry, not really... just honestly just using me as a pacifier. Every attempt after that to remove him from me would result in more crying. After 6 hours of fussing, and only 3 hours of interrupted sleep, I was beginning to find the day very long. I do remember calling Mike and saying 2 things #1 Tonight despite all my past reluctance, we were getting a soother for him in emergency situations like today. #2 Tonight after all my talk talk talking, I was going to get a darn baby carrier.

My friend thankfully came over with Sushi at noon and had that special touch that put the little guy to sleep after my best efforts. Apparently all that needed to be done was to rub his head. Duh. He thankfully slept through the afternoon but it was apparent he wasn't having a good day...neither was mom. By the time Mike got home we dashed to the store for those few things.

I honestly HATE the fact we got a soother. I choose the breastfeeding friendly versions of everything in hopes that he won't get screwed up, and deep down I still feel that a pacifier is an easy way out and that in some regards I failed in comforting him. I know 2 things - the first being that all I need to do is devote my day to having stuck on me and isn't that what a good mom would do? On the other hand when you simply can't feel your breasts anymore, your nipples are so used that you believe they may just fall right off, isn't it time for a break? Or does being a mom mean there are some sacrifices and that I now come 2nd to my childs comfort and well being? This is why I'm torn. Since he's been born (and even through pregnancy) I gave myself 100% to him, and by introducing a soother, and even a bottle in the near future I feel like I'm being selfish.

One good thing that I'm feeling is that with the carrier I get the comfortable closeness of my baby as I had in pregnancy. What a wonderful feeling and worth every single penny. Right now he's on me sleeping finally, while I type (with two hands) and I get the impression that we are feeling very close to each other. Granted with Jann Arden playing it only helps in create a relaxing environment for both of us.

August 19th, 2005 ~ I daresay

In the middle of last night someone switched my baby for his complete opposite. After falling asleep on my chest while posting last night he slept from 9:30 until 2:30! Then fed for 10 minutes, then slept until 6:30, then again until 10:30! Then again until almost 3 this afternoon! uhm...that's crazy for him! It's almost 4-5 hours every time! And when he's awake he's in such a GOOD mood smiling and cooing! He slept outside this morning waiting for his play date (where he was rather anti-social with all the sleeping - sorry Liam!) And the one time that he was crying a bit was waiting in the car, so I took his new soother (that he hasn't taken to) and put it to his lips, he licked it, wanted nothing to do with BUT fell asleep. That works with me! :)

So after getting some much needed rest last night, I had a wonderful morning by being able to clean up, then went to lunch/brunch with Arin. It was awesome to be able to talk with someone going through and feeling the same things as me. I do hope to do it again sooner than later! The funny thing is that in the same fashion that I was 2 weeks more pregnant than her and gave her some advice about that, it's now being brought forward that she's giving me advice!

So all in all, I have a different baby that yesterday, he's AWESOME today! He simply wakes up and just sits there smiling and looking around. No crying! :) What a relief!

Fed Kyle his typical cluster feedings between 6 and 9pm. From his last drop and Mike rocking him to sleep it was a bit after 9. We spent a nice relaxing Friday night just kicking back, talking and watching some Season 4 of Sex in the City. Went to bed at almost midnight figuring he'd but awake within minutes. At 3:30 I wake up panicked and engorged beyond belief. He's still sleeping! What to do? Mike and I both look at each other kind of lost, it's been almost 6 hours and he's still sleeping! Uhm. He's not a month yet, everywhere I've read, all the professionals we've spoken to ALL say don't let a newborn go more than 4 hours between feeds and here we are my son is passed out cold. I then start getting worried that maybe he's sick, maybe he's listless, maybe he's too tired to eat etc... So after 30 minutes of deliberating with Mike on what to do, we wake him up by changing his diaper. He doesn't really cry, just looks around wide eyed. Then I feed him and he ate 20 steady minutes on one side and stopped. I figured this wasn't enough as he must be starving, so we decide to 'blow' his nose with that suction thing that he hates. This makes him bawl (so obviously he's not sick or listless as he's got enough energy to yell and cry like that) and this makes me oddly happy.

He feeds another 10 minutes and then is absolutely done. Just lying ther looking around. hm. It's almost 5 at this point, I've searched all the books I own looking to see if this is normal, until Mike finally says 'stop trying to find something wrong with him, look he's fine and happy!'

Yes, obviously he's right, Kyle is sitting there in his typical good mood all smiles and coy looks. What to do now? Mike and I go back to our room with him, and pop in another episode of Sex in the City for all of us to watch at 5am! :) It was such a nice moment at such an unexpected time! Kyle didn't peep once, no cries just looking around being cuddled by Mike, and at one point and his face he scrunched up on his Dad and his sleeping deeply again. Sheesh, what a comfy chest he seems to have!

So at 5:30 we go back to sleep despite being quite awake and alert. It was almost 10am when Mike woke him up again as, another 5 hours! I just wonder what happens if we didn't wake him up! He's been in this pattern for over 2 days now.

So I call my parents and ask them to be super specific about my sleeping patterns since I had and have a reputation to those who knew me as a baby to be a SUPER sleeper. Sure enough they laugh and fill me in that since day 1 from the hospital I did my nights, 5-6 hours at night and 4 hours in the day.

So I seem to have a happy, healthy (chubby cheeked) and good baby. Why the panick then? Because apparently there are exceptions to ALL the books and professional opinions!

Where did the days go? Mike is back at work already tomorrow and I start the week with 3 kids and a dog. Please send good vibes this way, I could use it.

Kyle's still on 4 hour schedule. Sometimes 5. This makes Mike and I very happy, and rested. I will be going to the CLSC to check him out this week to ensure he's eating enough. I really don't doubt it really with those big chubby cheeks!

Today was his first time at church. He's getting baptised next Sunday in a very small and intimate ceremony at the same church we got married at exactly two years ago. I can't believe it's our wedding anniversary already as I feel we've lived a lifetime with each other! Anyways this year our anniversary will be marked with Kyle's Baptism. I also like the fact that it's going to be small. I mean Mike and I, his godparents, the kids, my parents, and maybe Mike's parents if they are able to make it. We probably could have made it bigger and more detailed, but time ran out, he is only going to be 5 weeks old after all. So we stuck to the basics! Come to think of it, we haven't even spoken to the pastor yet as he's only going to be back in town Saturday night, so any planning, any details will all be arranged Sunday before mass - talk about last minute!

So anyways back to his first time at church, he behaved very well. All tied up in the carrier, pressed against me, listening to the piano play and people sing, he slept right through everything, even being passed around from woman to woman to get oogled and snuggled. That's typical Kyle behaviour!

Now before we have more company, I will steal a 20 minute nap!

Happy 1 month Kyle!

You found your fingers yesterday and when they happen to be near your face you gladly suck them. Tonight Daddy also gave you your first bottle. I am still very unsure on how I feel about it, but the good news is you took the 1 ouce test very well. Now let's see if this has any effect on my breastfeeding you since you have recently been finicky during feedings.

Had a real nice time at the CLSC this morning during the breastfeeding get-together. Met a bunch of more moms, and got to chatting about babies. James and Melyssa were also along and were so good in giving me time to socialize with 'grown ups'. Granted they were bored and truly don't think being a mom and breastfeeding tiring and demanding. They also didn't understand why moms needed the healthy food table that was there and that it wasn't for them to eat. However they are being super good since last night and I found the trick! Have them do baby stuff! Melyssa put on Kyle's socks and outfit and is still bragging about it! She's also telling everyone she sees that he peed on her hand. :) James on the other hand is more 'big brother' and is proud that he 'babysat' 10 minutes while I brought Mike to the train this morning. Now before I have tons of people dropping jaws, let me assure you that Kyle was fed and clean and fast asleep in his crib. I also knew it would be 10 minutes and that James had the pacifier in hand in case of emergency! And as expected I walked in and James was sitting the the rocker reading his comic books keeping an eye on Kyle. So basically having them partake in Kyle's life leads of a bunch of unexpected rewards for us #1 Melyssa cleaned the kitchen and even wiped the counters for us, #2 the kids made Mike coffee last night as in their eyes, he was working so hard with the vaccuming! :) -------

6 hours after I first started to post - I took a nap this afternoon. A nice change since with the kids here I've been on the go. Usually up at 7 or 8 and awake until 11pm. Can't do this anymore.

really enjoyed my time at the CLSC today. It was nice talking with other moms. As for a Kyle Monster update, he's 11 lbs 7oz. Gains about a 1lbs a week the little monster! :) I had a nurse ask if I had cream and not milk :)

I had to change creams for his bottom again. Finishing the Ilse Paste and a whole tube of canesten without any improvement. So I'm using Desitin, cotton balls, kleenex and a hair dryer. Changing every 2 hours and this part he hates, since it wakes him up. Hopefully this will clear it up, since the next step may be cloth diapers. I so don't want to go there.

I've been wanting to go shopping to buy a few more tops, a few nice ones, and some more casual ones. Can't find the time, nor the finances to do so.

I'm liking this new schedule, sleeping anywhere between 8 or 10pm all the way until 2:30 or 3:30am, a feeding, then sleeping until 7:30 to 9am. :) I'll enjoy it while it lasts apparently babies have a way of changing! :)

Days are decent, I've finally realized (duh) the help they can give with the baby. James isn't too much into it, he'll read while baby is in the crib - a more laid back approach, while Melyssa will sit there for 2 or 3 hours rocking him without moving a wink. This gives me time to ... blog! or to shower! and clean up! or do all 3! :) In fact, now I'm going to make lunch for them and we are off to run errands.

Melyssa is so excited that her brother not only peed on her fingers, but while she held him he did 3 little burps! More stories for her to share with anyone she sees! :) It's cute actually.

Isn't it always the case that it takes close to a week to fall into a decent flow with all 3 kids then everything gets disrupted since they leave. sigh...crazy eh?

Time to go attend to the children, soon I'm going to feel like the Van Trapp family! :)

My favorite things this morning - watching Kyle sleep for 3 hours beside me & watching him discover and play with his new 'friends'.

He received a beautiful Winnie the Pooh mobile, it's not the classic Pooh but the new ones and the song is really cute and bearable and he LOVES it! He took a liking to Piglet, but now all 4 characters entertain him - it's just adorable to see. In fact I'll take a picture of it next time as he wiggles and smiles at it. I spent over an hour just watching him look up and smile, it's the first time something grabs his attention this way.

We had a wonderful weekend! Check out my website for updated Baptism pictures!

Happy Anniversary Sweetie! Can't believe it's been 2 years already!

Today I'm determined to finish those darn thank you letters for Kyle. I NEVER imagined there would be so many! I'm looking forward to the weekend - It'll be Kyle Ethan's first road trip! A big one too as it's almost 6 hours away. I'll be going alone unfortunately my hubby is stuck working, which really sucks as it's a big party. Thankfully I recruited Sylvie and Scott to drive up with me, which will do a couple of things - keep me company, be there in case I get tired, and keep an eye on Kyle in case he needs something. I'd be able to do it alone, but it reassures everyone in the family, and Mike that I won't be alone.

Been out and about all day! Yes in the blasted weather, I was soaked to my undies protecting my baby from the elements. Good news, he was completely dry and warm, bad news like I said, I don't have a third hand to hold an umbrella on top of a diaper bag, purse and baby. And now - I have a sore throat. Vitamin C anyone?

Most important bit of news - Kyle weighes 12lbs 7oz. Another pound, and this time he didn't try hard either. He's hardly been eating, in fact nibbling (literally) seems to be his new thing. But even at that, he managed somehow to find another pound. The nurse says he looks like a 4 month old. It's weird, I have a baby who looks like a 4 month old, but acts like a 5 week old. He's grown too, but they didn't measure him today, that will be for next time. I know he's bigger since he pokes his head out of his carrier and looks around, also that his pjs and certain onesies no longer fit as he's bursting out of them. It's sad that he's outgrown some of my favorite onesies, in the box they go!

My ordinarily house-trained dog pulled a stunt today, she did her business in Kyle's room. Not once, but twice. The first time I was nice and took the blame as I hadn't let her outside, the 2nd time was right after she came inside, and thus lead to a swift kick in the rear. ARGH. Is it jealousy, or seeking attention? The fact that it's Kyle's room leads me to believe that there was a message.

Lastly we visited grandmother's work today to show off her little boy to all her collegues. Got a lot of deserving ooohs and aaahs :) So much fun showing off a baby! Unfortunately he was fussing at being passed around from person to person. So by the end the only person he felt he could turn to was ME to snuggle into. Honestly some people think this is an indication that he's spoiled already, I on the other hand take it that it's the first apparent time he turned to me to be comforted, thus giving me a BIG SMILE! :)

Off to pick up my husband at the train station now.

Finally finished those thank yous! There were almost more thank you's than I had wedding invitations 2 years ago! Oh, as for that, we had a really nice evening at home just the 3 of us, Mike made a yummy supper and mommy overdid the wine - oops!

I love my baby.

Sometimes I just want to yell it out to the world! This is as close as I'll get for now! :)

Up and at 'em! Kyle slept 8 hours, from 10pm exactly to 6am on the nose! This seems to be the new routine, he sleeps anywhere from 9pm to midnight, for atleast 6 or 7 hours, last night though was the first 8 hour run we had since he's born. Granted this doesn't translate into parents getting that much sleep, but that's our fault! :) Now I fed him for 20 minutes, diaper change included and he should be out for another 3-4 hours.

Yesterday was wonderful. As I came home with a cold , I apparently involuntarily passed it to him - he stayed home. We cuddled ALL day and finished off kleenex boxes. Kyle slept until 7am, woke up for an hour and a half, then slept until 10, fed 10 minutes, then slept until 2pm. I was just worn from driving, the usual 5 hour journey took over 7 hours as my precious little boy decided that it would be the ideal time for a growth spurt. Thankfully he didn't start until the morning, but the night I had sucked, thus the day became very long indeed. Back to feeding every 2 hours. It was rough, but not nearly as tough as the first growth spurt. What made it tougher was the fact I was driving on not more than 6 hours of sleep. I was also told that the reason babies feed more in the car is that they dehydrate quicker with the air flow. hm... possibility. All that to say I crawled out of bed by 1:30pm and didn't go to the CLSC. Doesn't matter much, I know he's over 13lbs, what I'm interested in is his length!

Now Mike's on his way to work, I really can't wait for the weekend to spend more time with him. I need my Mike fix! :) I hate being away from him for so long. This weekend is already planned for us, sleeping in, reading comics, watching movies, and doing nothing!

The O.C is premieres tonight! Can't wait! I need a calender with all the shows and when the begin...it's been a long summer without TV, thank goodness I had a baby to fill the gap! :)

Speaking of which, Kyle is now wearing size 2 diapers. sigh.. So quickly they grow! As much as I miss the little tiny baby, now it's fun having his smiling and cooing all the time. It's weird, I can't really pinpoint the exact first smile he gave. He was always smiling those tiny ones, and one day I realized they were full smiles. It's hilarious and he makes my heart melt when he gives us those big gummy smiles that reach his ears. He also giggles at times, it's rare, but when they happen it's the cutest sound! I wish I could record it.

I had so much fun going through a bunch new clothes that Kyle got from Matt, and I was shocked that he fit in 3/4 of the stuff! Crazy thing is that he wears 6-9 month for tops and onesies and PJ, but 0-3 month pants. It's all made so weird! I've held off in buying a pair of jeans for him for now, since I didn't think they'd fit for long, but sometimes I regret it since I have so many awesome tops that need jeans.

Today is nice, Kyle is good, Mike is good, Casey is good, Mommy is sick, but that's okay!

Brother in law came over bearing gifts, a Tommy outfit and a silver bracelet with 'Kyle' engraved in it. Very spoiled is this kid!

They've left and my family just crashed in their respective places, Mike snuggled into pillows on the couch, Kyle in front asleep in his rocking chair, and Casey passed out in her bed. All sleeping peacefully, so cute and heartwarming.

Must go and make supper now, take advantage of the quiet time! :)

6 week checkup for me today. I'm dreading it more than getting an IV. Sure it's the appointment that every man looks forward too (the ay-okay, the green flag etc)that's not even what bothers me. It's the actual checkup and what it consists of. So as a result the stress gave me a migraine last night, and thus a whole slew of problems ensuded...breast-feeding for starters. Can't feed stressed.

Another thing, how many meals can you skip and for how long can one go without drinking and still feed a baby? This is what I'm wondering.

I did join a stroller jogging class twice a week for 6 weeks. I figured this may help my lacking social life and I can meet new mommies! I also realise that it will help me get my cardio back so that I can maybe play soccer soon!

I am also looking forward to tomorrow when Kyle gets another play date with Liam - who is looking so handsome in his new pictures! No I'm looking forward to seeing Owldaugther it's been ages!

Good thing is that the family is over the cold, except for Mike who was the last to get it, he has 2 days left.

That is all, time to get ready for the awful hospital visit.

...sigh.

That's my boy! That's 13lbs 2 or 3oz something along those lines. Still in the 97th percentile range, he's huge! He's also such a good boy, last night we tried out the new bottles that we were given, it seems to have worked just fine as he ate 5oz in about a half hour, fell asleep at 9pm, and at 7:30 I woke up and still no sign of Kyle. I went in to find him wiggled at the bottom of his crib, wide eyed and smiling at his bears. I got him up fed him a little, he wasn't as hungry as I expected he would be after 10 hours, changed him and left for the doctors. I called yesterday for an appointment as I was curious about his skin. It's extremely dry, and sandpaper like. I wasn't worried until it started to spread and since eczema and allergies runs in the family I wanted to play it safe. She was able to see me immediately, I called it was 6pm, and I saw her 9:30 this morning.

It's all good news, he's happy and healthy and has a case of sebhorric (sp?) dermititis. Meaning that when he's older he's prone to ... dandruff. That's it! It's only a cosmetic thing, we just have to be extremely careful about what his skin touches. Considering he's extremely sensitive to creams like diaper ointment, we are only using vaseline, all his soaps must be fragrance free. He's a 'natural' baby. So she said to use oil for his scalp and some oil on his really dry patches and that it will clear up between his 6month and 1 year birthday. No discomfort just typical baby stuff.

So that's good news, she reassured my fear that it wasn't allergy induced (milk or otherwise), not that he's out of the woods yet, but for now he's good.

Speaking of good...now he's sleeping on me in his carrier (and in need of a diaper change from what my nose can tell). I've been dying to go online just haven't had a chance! So busy don't even know where the time goes! Last I checked it was Monday. Yesterday I went to Arin and Ron's cosy appartment. It reminds me of our place back in St-Michel, the cozy warmness that we lost when we moved into the house. We are trying to build it up to what it was, just takes time and money. I had a really nice time, just relaxing with babies and friends and chatting. It was also adorable to have Liam and Kyle 'try' to interract which each other, more like swatting each other. :) They'll be so much more adorable when they can do more than just lie there and have their limbs flailing in every which way.

After such a good baby day yesterday, Kyle woke up kinda grumpy and definately clingy. I spent the day with him in my arms trying to calm him down, still not sure what exactly was wrong - maybe the fact I ate nachos last night didn't agree with him.

Well he just finally fell asleep now, and I ...

nevermind he's yelling at me again.

HAPPY 11th BIRTHDAY JAMES!!!

I can't believe it'll be 2 months that I'm a mom in a couple of days!

I went to a stroller jogging class yesterday and almost died. I'm way out of shape, forget the jogging part, all I did was fast walk and I was drenched! I really couldn't believe that my body could still ache after having a baby. In fact it was the first time that I thought that maybe I was moving too quickly, that maybe I wasn't ready to run yet for any amounts of time. So I dropped the course from 2 times a week to once a week. I will also try really hard to walk at home. It also didn't help that this course was SO FAR, sorry but Coteau du Lac is 20-25 minutes away for a 40 minute walk. I'm still not sold about continuing, I'll have to sleep on it one more night I just don't see the benefit.

This weekend was so nice, relaxing, and family cozy. All the kids were here, we celebrated James' birthday all of Saturday. He got 2 awesome gifts, a telescope from us, and from his (step)&grandparents bought himself an awesome Panasonic stereo system. It's HUGE! 5Cds 2 tape decks, remote, 200W speakers, 6 1/2 subwoofer, I'll be setting it up for him so when he comes over it's ready to use! Also Mike gave him the 10 gallon aquarium that we are no longer using to bring to his mother's. She's getting him a fish or 2, and he really wanted Daddy's huge fish tank. So to make him happy we allowed the entire system to go to Laval for a couple of fish and to make him happy. It also clears out some space in our basement :)

On a different topic, it's been nice having Mike home here and there over the past few weeks. It feels like the time that he couldn't spend with me and the baby after I gave birth is coming back. Granted we haven't gone out, but just being at home, taking 3 hour naps in the afternoon cuddled together, all 4 of us (Casey included) is wonderful. Tonight he's going to learn how to make sushi, tomorrow I've got a date with my son to see a movie, and on saturday hopefully we'll see our best friends and hang together in the afternoon. Then on Sunday will be the first time that Mike and I go out together alone. For some reason, I have not left Kyle alone for any length of time, mainly because he still hasn't taken to any bottle. What we thought was working, apprently wasn't as he refuses them ... again. So we bought another type of nipple in hopes that he takes. If we don't get this settled soon, I'll have one heck of a time getting mommy only time, which may I add, I'm in dire need of to save my sanity. I need a girls night out, I need ME time. I love my son, but I would just like an hour or 2 alone.

I hate needles. I'm upset that my precious, healthy little boy needs shots. I KNOW the positive things and why it's necessary, but the fact is why disrupt a healthy happy baby with needles with the possibility of him getting sick and miserable? bah. I hate this part of motherhood, causing my boy pain, even if he's better off and safer in the long run. I can't even give him ice cream for being a good boy after, he'll have to be cuddled and snuggled instead - not that there's anything wrong with that. :)

Yesterday we had a date to see Just like Heaven. He behaved once we got there, he liked all the lights and new sounds and got cozy in my lap with the dim lights. He didn't like the other babies crying however, he's sensitive to that and gets a pouty quivering lip and tears for the other babies. Sensitive little guy.

That was the only good part of the day, everything else sucked and made me sad and helpless.

Ironically Kyle was in the best of moods and 'cooing' all day. He's been "talking" for a couple of weeks now, but mainly when we change his diaper. Yesterday he upped the frequency to whenever he was awake.

And again now, he's making all these noises beside me and smiling away. I should get a picture of him.

I'm in a dire need of a massage. My shoulders and neck just aches so bad, been looking at my son too much I gather.

I'm thinking of starting to work again soon. Just part time and from home. I figured that I'd use my skills and past experience to perhaps tutor kids. I did it for years, no reason why I couldn't advertise at the nearby school, I don't think anyhow. I just have to figure out how to go about it. Any tips?

Done, Kyle got his shots. 2 of them, one in each thigh. It's just so cruel the way they did it. In fact it was the same darn lady who came for the house visit after I gave birth, refer back to that post of 2 months ago. A reminder - she was a twit without an ounce of motherly bone in her body, who went strictly by the book and suggested a bunch of ridiculous things. So we show up, Kyle in a good mood not knowing what was looming ahead, I tried to stay as calm as I possibly could given my phobia of needles so he wouldn't pick up on any weird vibes. We get into the room with the mean nurse who gives him the first shot and...rips him. what do I mean, well as if she didn't realize that a 2 month old 'may' move when in pain and didn't hold his leg down, so with the needle in him, he moved and ripped. Not much, but enough for me to want to throttle her. Once done she said 'oops, he moved' NO KIDDING !! Then she went on to rudely shake some stupid toy in front in his face in hopes that he may forget the pain, our son simply looked at her in between wails and picked it up a notch to really try to get his point across of how insulted he was to #1 get hurt #2 have a stupid toy shoved in his face, even my dog wouldn't have fallen for that. That was only the 1st shot, then the 2nd one apparently hurts more, so just imagine a baby that hadn't even recovered or stopped crying from the first one to them be jabbed with a more painful second one! He was inconsolable and wailing for atleast 5 minutes and still continued to whimper as I fed him in hopes of calming him down more. Finally he passed out with exhaustion and woke up in a good mood when we were at Jean Coutu picking up the recommended Tempra. sigh.. thankfully he had forgiven and hopefully forgotten the entire incident quicker than I had, as I'm still stewing over it and even gave myself a stress migraine as a result.

So before bed we gave give some preventative Tempra made sure his legs were okay and he drifted off to sleep at his regular 9pm time. Now I just finished writing him his happy 2 month letter and will try to get the letters online. I did put a few more pictures on today and will try to update the writing section soon! But for now, off to bed as tomorrow we have some potential shopping at the Osh Kosh warehouse sale and then a quick visit to the inlaws.

Remind me not to have a large Tim's coffee after 8pm. Sure it helped my headache and was very yummy, but I was up until 1:30, then awake every half hour worrying about Kyle. Not that there was anything wrong with him, no fever, no ill effects, just a worried mommy. The only disruption was he woke up at 3:40am instead of 6am. And instead of rolling over and sleeping he was awake and ready to play so I got 2 hours of interrupted sleep until I managed to go back to bed at 6:30 this morning. Kinda groggy and cranky. I cancelled all my plans to go out, just need me time and some sleep as I was awake at 9am, not Kyle he slept until 10:30. I'm a wreck, and hungry but nauseous.

oh boy, Kyle's been only (not that it's bad) sleeping 6 hour instead of his habitual 9. This wouldn't matter but the 3am feeding is harsh. Also I've been a pacifer the past few days. He only gets comfort from sucking me, which puts an incredible amount of pressure on me and being there all the time. I must say that I found a little trick that so far is working, let him calm down on me for a minute or 2 then do a swap with the real soother and so far he's tricked and sucking away and still sleeping. Hopefully this will translate into just taking the soother on the first try because I'm done playing pacifier.

I've been feeling down lately and I really don't know why. All my HAPPY pregnancy hormones seemed to have gone away and I'm overwhelmed with these other sad feelings. It's like I'm PMSing but always. The worst times are at night when I get really scared of "what if's". What if our house burns down, what if we get broken into and terrorised like that family a few days ago, what if we get a flood like in the States, what if, what if, what if. The thing is I don't sleep at night and I worry about my family, Mike, Kyle and Casey and it drives me nuts. I don't know if it's normal, Mike says I'm adapting to motherhood and it must be part of it and it's also lack of continuous sleep, onl4 4 hour sleep over 2 months can do that to a person. We also starting watching Momento and I quickly realized that my sensitivity to scary, thriller, gruesome, horror whatever you want to call it is ten-fold what it was. Heck I can hardly stand driving by road kill without sheding a tear, then the fear of hitting a little innocent animal myself while driving makes me sick to my stomach.

All this to say that I'm torn with the 'good' news that my dad finally (been 7 or 8 years we think since he last did) killed a moose in hunting season on monday morning, not only did he get 1, he got 2! I grew up in a hunting family and this is something to rejoice in and will be the main story for many christmas times to come, however I cried and my heart broke when I was told that he shot a mother and her young. So one part of me is torn yet the other part of my brain is thinking of all the delicious meat we'll have for stew, fondue etc... mmmm. I feel like I have 2 personalities, my old self, my new self and the 2 just aren't merging.

Kyle visited Dr Mashal this morning. I seem to have the best of luck with the weather whenever I go to the doctors office, even throughout my pregnancy it rained and poured at every appointment, once again today I got drenched taking him out of the car and walking to the office. That's okay baby is always cozy, warm and dry whereas I walk in with my hair dripping and stuck to my face and soaked to my undies. sigh.. part of being a mommy I guess :)

like the fact that she sees us always on time and spends about a half hour with us. I've also noticed she's extremely thorough. So Kyle's in perfect health, 'a big boy' according to his doctor, he weighes 6.29kg and is 61.7cm long. This puts him in the 90-95th percentile for both categories. The doctor was very pleased that I was exclusively breast feeding and planning to do so until he's atleast 6months. She's actually very hesistant on introducing any types of solids before that time as they are unnecessary. The only thing she told us to worry about is his preference to turn his head one way, she wants to eliminate any risk of a flat head. So Mike and I will have to practice changing diapers lefty style - oy this should be fun!

Aside from that, we shall see her in 2 months time for his next checkup!

So I'm doing better, I think it was a mental adjustment that was taking place along with lack of sleep...

Funny Real Life Interrupt: I just heard Kyle giggling and smiling only to turn around to see Casey playing with his feet - ah they shall be the greatest of pals. It's the first time that they acknowledge each other by playing!

Okay, back to blogging. :) I feel much better, the worst thing about just having a baby and getting weird feelings is the fear of falling into the 'postpardum' category. A new mom can't seem to have a lousy day or 3 without someone, herself included worried that "Oh my God, maybe I'm depressed and need help!" :) Thankfully I'm out of my funk and feel more like me. I wonder if getting out of the house helps. I've gone on a few walks with him, he screams until he falls asleep, but then he's out for a good long while. In fact it's sometimes the only way I can have him go down for his afternoon nap because let me tell you, when he fights his fatigue and does not sleep all afternoon, by 7pm, mommy is drained and very happy to pass his to his dad, or anyone for that matter! :)

Now off I go to spend some quality time with my friend, got to make a few appointments for the family, hair and vet, this is after I went to the clinic yesterday for my sore toe, and to get Casey's nails clipped. Honestly being at home and taking care of the family is a full time job and I spend some days running around! I couldn't imagine doing all this in addition to a job, the prospect is scary, but I guess that's where the title Super Mommy comes from :)

Crazy my last 3 days! In between all the appointments and forgetting completely to eat and drink, by the end of the day I am drained.

I had to drag my butt to the clinic only to get there without my medicare card (in fact I lost it). Went back home with baby in tow, frantically searching for it, only to miraculously find it (thanks to some guidance) in between the car seat (huh? how it got there is beyond my comprehension). Went back, waited over 2 hours for a 5 minute consultation, thankfully Kyle was VERY understanding and well behaved. Then I hurried my butt back home, grabbed the dog and hurried to her groomers to get her nails clipped. Then raced back home to get mike at the train.

Next day it was Kyle's appointment in which he was extremely well behaved babbling and smiling to his doctor, then I was going to go to Walmart, our to lunch with my mom and visit my sister only to cancel everything due to the weather. Turned out that I spent a nice afternoon chillin' with Karine and her adorable little Matt. Drove home, drove back to beaconsfield to pick up Mike at the train to go to walmart together only to get in and they loose power so we are kicked out. sigh. I hate going home empty handed.

Today got up (the second time)at 11:35 with Kyle, (the first breakfast was at 6:30 until 7am)in fact I woke him up. Then got everybody together, dog included and went to her vet appointment to deal with her scratching issue. So with baby&car seat in one arm, diaper bag on my back, dog in other hand I must have looked insane! In fact I had it pretty together until Kyle insisted on being carried in my arms, this is wher my multitasking was at it's best, baby in one arm (supporting his head as well) car seat in other hand with dog pulling on the leash and diaper bag on my back trying to Interact her visit. Thankfully they were so kind at this new vet so they kindly held Casey for me as I fumbled with the rest of my stuff. Turns out our puppy has allergies, we aren't sure if they are seasonal or food related so we changed the food first - mmm duck and potatoes as well as having her take some pills to stop her scratching for the next few weeks. Hopefully this will bring her some relief and some comfort the poor thing.

Unfortunately the appointment ended with me having to put Kyle in his seat and had to endure his bawling along with bringing a huge pack of food in the car on top of everything else, I gladly accepted the nice lady's offer to help me out.

The funniest part was realizing as I held the wiggling dog in one arm (so she wouldn't chase the cat that was teasing her) and Kyle in his heavy seat in the other, was when she weighed her. She weighs EXACTLY to the ounce what Kyle weighes and the 4 ladies who congregated around us to oggle the baby all complemented my strength in holding 14 plus pounds in each of my arms without flinching as Kyle and his seat is probably closer to 20lbs and Casey almost 14lbs. :) It was then that I realized what nice rock hard biceps I am getting!

After that I went off my inlaws to spend the afternoon and have supper with Mike and all the kids. They seemed to appreciate my going over with the baby, in fact I didn't see Kyle the entire time, he only appeared in my lap when he was crying to feed. :)

This time I'm not the one drooling over some hottie, it's my son who's sitting on me and drooling all over my arm. Ah the 'new' normal. :)

I can't believe how much he slept yesterday, 11 hours at night, then 2 morning naps then 2 more afternoon naps and fell asleep at 8:30 until 5:30 this morning. He was awake maybe 4 hours total! This allowed me to enjoy the sun and definately catch up on sleep myself.

Last night everyone got washed, Kyle watched Casey bathe and then Casey watched Kyle splash around! :)

Once again Kyle changed his schedule, he now no longer sleeps in, and for the first time in ages he actually woke up at 2:15 for a feeding. Oh well. After that day he slept so much he's been awake so much more during the day. Like this morning after his 6:30 feed, then he was awake until 20 mintues ago. Figures eh! I've got to go out now for an appointment and will have to wake him up to put him in his car seat. Hopefully he'll drift back to sleep and sleep throughout my appointment. I'm looking forward to getting my hair done, even though this time Kyle is alone with me and should he be fussy in his seat I'll be holding him while getting my hair done.

He's outgrown more clothing, mainly all the onesies that go up to 14lbs...again it's a shame he hardly (or never) wore some. I swear he could wear a onesie or 2 a day and I wouldn't have to do laundry for 3 weeks!

One more thing that's changed is his body shape and as a result there have been a few diaper mishaps. Swaddlers don't do it, Huggies Supreme definately NOT, perhaps the Baby Dry may be decent. Let's just say both mommy and baby took a few showers yesterday as a result of badly fitting diapers.

Time to go pack up Kyle!

Not so much after a long awaited cut, but definately cute!

I may have been nervous about being alone with Kyle, but it turned out alright in the end, thank goodness for small favours that he's a) a good baby b) was in a good mood c) found the salon very interesting with tons of new things to discover d)were plenty of loving arms more than willing to hold the little flirt!

2 1/2 hours later, with giggling baby in tow, mommy left feeling more like a woman! A nice change from yesterday when I felt more like a used rag. :) It's funny how I see myself in some typical mother-baby situations and just laugh, I don't know many moms who would laugh at poop running down their legs. Sorry for being explicit, but these are mommy moments!

Kyle is bawling - yelling, screaming and crying on the top of his little lungs. I can't deal with it at times so for the first time I put him in his crib and shut the door to let him cry it out and hopefully go to sleep. He slept horribly last night waking up at 11:30pm. He was awake at 6:30 and only slept 1 hour since then at 9am, now it's 3pm and he is SO grumpy, doesn't want to lie down, doesn't want to sit, doesn't want in my arms, doesn't want in his chair, doesn't want to be danced, or rocked, he's clean, fed and burped. Not too hot, not too cold. I hate times like this. Then in the middle of it all, mother calls me to say that I absolutely cannot go out tonight (the only thing keeping me sane this afternoon) as the 40 is closed and it's dangerous. DON'T tell a frustrated mother what to do in terms of her free time. It will be the first time since Mike and I went to brunch a few weeks back, and this time I'm going out with my sister. No hubby, no baby.

I hate this. I'm tired of having to rock him to sleep or feed him to sleep, instead of putting him down and him going to sleep on his own.

10 minutes have gown by and he's still going at it full force.

Doesn't this baby ever get full!?! He went from doing his nights 8-11hours sleep, to waking up every 2 hours all night long. That alone is enough to send anyone over the deep end however here's the kicker, my baracuda super sucker who could eat and be done in 20 minutes now takes FOREVER to eat. He could be permanently attached to a milk IV if given the choice! After an hour of one side only I have to take him off as I'm numb and sore. Since over a week now I've been so wrecked - my shoulders, back and neck so stiff that I can hardly turn my head at times. I feel like there's 1000lbs bearing down on them. On top of no sleep, or only 1-2 hour stretches, feeding for 1 to 1 1/2 hour stretches, being so sore that I can hardly hold my baby for any length of time, I am now sick. Sore throat, achy, skin tingly, dizzy and massive headache.

sigh. if this doesn't kill me.

The worst is that I now dread feeding him, I have never until now considered bottle feeding him. It is SO draining feeding for close to 2 hours, he sleeps 20 minutes then I must start over again. It's so discouraging. It's so hard. There must be an end to it...isn't there? It will get better won't it?

A household of sick guys. Wonderful. Thankfully I'm over my terrible cold that I got last week, it lasted 48 hours, but what a horrible 48hours that was (add the growth spurt in there).

Everybody was well, until the kids came over and Melyssa (as usual) shows up sick. Sore throat, coughing and hacking, and stuffy nose.

She left us this nasty cold (once again) so now Mike is out of commission and so is my little guy. Nothing is sadder than a baby sniffling and coughing and unable to breath. Especially since there is NOTHING to do but wait it out. Thank heavens for small favors there is no fever. However at 5am he woke up unable to breath so I had to hold him at some weird angle for a few hours just to put him back to sleep. Ofcourse I also had Mike miserable from his extremely sore throat. Poor guys. Thank God that I'm heathly to take care of both of them. That was my fear last week, that we'd ALL get sick at the same time.

So now Mike is forced to work as he's in some intense training and baby is coughing and sniffling away.

Another rainy day, we were in Pjs and cuddled in bed till noon today. It's so nice to have a baby which is easy enough to do that with. I know that once he'll walk it'll be the end of sleeping in as we know it, and that even now and then he doesn't sleep like this, he's up at 5am or 6am only to not sleep all day, so when he's good to cuddle and sleep all morning long I must take advantage of it!

He's in good spirits despite his cold, we giggled and played and 'talked' all afternoon and hopefully he'll get over this cold sooner than later. I cancelled my outings (wanted to catch a movie and shop) as I didn't want to risk it getting worse. I want him all warm and cozy in the house fighting the cold, I don't want it getting worse poor little guy.

Unfortunately the thing we are having trouble with are afternoon naps. The are needed otherwise by 5pm he's extra cranky until bed time. So my cheating trick (yes it goes against everything anyone ever told me) but since it works I use it - give him a finger to suck on to calm him down and within minutes he's in lala land. Since he won't take the pacifier, and I don't want to nurse him to sleep, this will do just fine for those afternoon naps - heck I realize that it gives me time to post, or even get dressed! :)

Took a nice walk with Kyle in his carrier. Honesly haven't been outside with him much since his birth as it's been too hot and too sunny. Being told they shouldn't be exposed to sunlight at all has kept me in the house more than usual, however as he's turning 3 months on Saturday I figure he can't be 'that' sensitive and as long as he's covered up and only his face is exposed it can't be too bad. So all wrapped up off we went to go look at the leaves fall and change colour. He got nice rosy cheeks as a result and hopefully the fresh air will help him get over the remainder of his cold.

I'm glad that Kyle decided to skip his 4am feed (it's been in his routine for about a week now) and made it all the way to 6:45. It may seem that I sleep a lot, but get this straight I never sleep consecutively more than a couple of hours. So to be able to get 7, almost 8 hours in a row was dreamy...literally. :)

So he skipped his morning nap, even though he was nice enough to lay in his crib for some alone time, giving me enough time to pay 2 bills. I couldn't believe the amount of paper work that was on my desk! ORGANIZING TIME!

I'm proud that I'm keeping the house decently picked up, not perfect but livable.

I'm annoyed at all the 'little' things I've got to do. Get a card, return something at Old Navy, buy a jacket for our son. Thankfully we went to run some errands last night but there are still a few annoying things left to do. The crappy part of me is that I get so annoyed if something needs to be done and just lingers. For example, our fridge and stove need a desperate cleaning, so do our windows...I just don't have the time to do it with Kyle around. And I can't even start when he's napping since he's got a knack of waking up right in the middle. For sorting paper work it's no a big deal, but when your fridge and freezer are empty...not so obvious.

Dear those who know but just don't seem understand,

We have 3 kids, a 3 month old, an 8 year old and an 11 year old. This doesn't include Mommy and Daddy. In all we are a decent size family. There's even a dog in the picture.

When it was just my husband and I we were pretty much free to do ANYTHING we wanted, with WHOMEVER we wanted, WHENEVER we wanted. BUT every now and again like every 2nd weekend, we had the responsibility of 2 children who needed us. So any plans may it be parties, gettogethers, suppers, a chit chat, a coffee, needed to be worked into our life. It wasn't so bad as they were young and didn't have plans of their own yet. As they got older they had their own life that we had to incorporate into ours, such as birthday parties, first communion lessons, baseball practices or games. This not only meant that the weekends with them were pretty darn packed, it also meant that without them we still were obliged by parental duties to see their baseball games or dance concerts. So our life was pretty hectic before baby, but still manageable. Now add a baby to the picture. Mike often goes to see the kids at their events, while I'm at home with Kyle. The important thing is that at least 1 of us can go and represent our little happy family. Often if the kids had things during school time like concerts, I managed to go while Mike was at work. It's important for children to feel supported.

Ever since they've been babies themselves, we have always stressed the importance of FAMILY TIME. Always a family supper, family movie night, family game night, or just chilaxing and chatting. Kids need this bond and time with parents. As a result some of our friends just don't seem to clue into the fact that when James and Melyssa are here we are pretty much not available to go out and meet friends. It's OUR choice. We could leave them at the sitters, BUT when you have them only 4 days in a month, when you have them you want to spend together. Sure we could also bring them along, BUT they are old enough to tell us (and have done so quite often) that they would prefer just spending time alone with us, bonding and sharing with everythin that has been going on in their lives. They can't always be on the go, it's bad enough that in 2 days, they have 2 sets of grandparents that want to see them as well. Where do Mike and I have our time with them? Add to the fact that Melyssa is horribly allergic to cats, thus her outings are carefully controlled by Mike and I. We don't even visit her uncle due to this fact, so he only gets to see her maybe 4-5 times a year and he lives in town.

All this to say, we really do apologize for not always being able to go out and be with our friends, it's not that we are anti-social...instead we are in a family situation that not many people in our friend group seems to be able to relate to or understand. We don't want sympathy, just don't write us off. We LOVE invites because for every 5 or 6 we get, there is maybe 1 or 2 we can manage to get to.

There. I've said my peace.

Do I write about Kyle being 3 months or about everything else we've been up to? Fine everything piled into one.

This weekend we managed to get tons done around the house, even though we only worked on it yesterday. The garage cleaned up, the laundry, the picking up, the garden cleaned, the paper work, hung up some decorations, improved Melyssa's room by moving some furniture around, stubbing my toe in the process. Saturday was spent in traffic as we tried to visit my brother in law in St-Hubert, but with the 20 and Champlain closed, well we got stuck. It really was a waste of time and of gas as we never got to their place. So we headed back home to pick up Casey and head over to my parents for Moose Fondue. It was WONDERFUL...what we managed to eat of it ofcourse. It's 2 weekends in a row that we get to my folks and he just goes bonkers. Colic-like screaming, bawling, there is NOTHING we can do to make him better. Both times it began when we were changing him in the bathroom. We have NO clue what causes it. It's not the bunch of people either because once he settles down (like 2 hours later) he's the happiest little baby around smiling and cooing at all the guests. Even before when we got there, he sat in so many laps just flirting with all the people and cooing away. Then we fed him for about a half hour, still fine. Then we go to change what we know is a dirty diaper and boom - the end of the world. So from now on, the bathroom is off limits. It's not funny, just standing in the hallway outside the bathroom he bawls.

The weird part is that 8:15pm each time he's fine again. So by that time supper is over and we are eating cold :) Thank goodness for fondue! :) We got home by 10:30, and he only fell asleep by 11:00 but thankfully he slept until 8am the next morning. He's been doing well sleeping, waking up only by 7 or 8 every day. Today for example after breakfast, he went back into his crib as I was very tired. He played until 10am when I heard him googling and babbling to his mobile. It's nice for him to be at an age where he's aware of his cries and communicates with us for what he wants. It's easy most of the time. For the times that he's just bawling, well thank goodness for mommy instincts. My gut feelings always seem right. Last night he was going at it when it dawned on me to change the PJ he was in. Why you ask? Well it didn't feel cozy to me, so I gather it wasn't for him. So after a half hour of whining, I get him naked and he's just all giggles. A half hour later, he's all snuggled and asleep.

So after this morning he hadn't slept, so by noon he was fussing again, so with a full tummy, and clean diaper, I put him down and off he went to lala land without any sucking or feeding. yay! He's still out like a light! Outside of the few episodes he's had, he's just so cute and in such a giggly mood. It's neat watching him explore the world. He's got awesome control of his hands now, always reaching for things and shoving them in his mouth. WATCH OUT your fingers when you hold him! He's eaten a fistfull of Casey fur, grabbed his toes and tried those too. When he's on his tummy he can hold him head up so high! His chest even gets off the ground. He's not rolling yet, but we are sure it's coming soon. I don't know when it's supposed to happen, but I gather whenever he's ready! We see him pushing his body to and from, launching his legs over, but the head is still too heavy to turn over :) He also began copying us when we eat with lost of lip smacking and tongue sticking out. He can sit up properly, he can also pull himself up from a reclined sit so we must tie him in the swing and seats as he always pulling his body forward. He now sits in his high chair when we're in the kitchen and watches everything around him. It's amazing to see him follow things, I don't believe it when experts say they aren't able to follow things farther than 18 inches away. Kyle follows Casey from across the room, or even from the next room over and giggles himself silly.

Thanks Mom & Dad for coming over and saving us from SUPER CRANKY KYLE. We went out for coffee and apple fritter, before supper that is. :) When we got home we were pleasantly surprised with Kyle NOT crying/whining and with supper made waiting for us.

Thank you.

Oops, started posting at 2:30. Kyle woke up from his car seat so I dashed upstairs, calmed him down by rocking him and...put myself to sleep. 3pm wake up with dead arm and stiff neck, find my way into bed with baby only to wake up at 4:45 to realize I'm still online and no phone calls can get through. oops. Perfect weather to cuddle with baby and puppy and sleep. Casey went to the groomers today and looks skinny again. No cute fluffy puppy. It's so unfortunate that she looks her cutest with longer curls but it's impossible to maintain since her fur is so thick.

This morning Kyle went to visit his grandfather at work! I love going to Air Canada on the base. I did it so many times as a child myslef to visit the planes and even worked at Bombardier just up the street. I really do wish I could continue in that industry, unfortunately it has been too unstable the past few years. So Kyle behaved extremely well by doing his 'pretty eyes' with the women, and looking weirdly at the engineers. No offense to them but they simply don't have baby social skills. :) He was so busy looking at everything around him, giving off a few shy smiles here and there, and even gave my dad a 'present' while he was showing off his grandson. Thankfully everybody stayed clean - but just barely! :)

Did you know that if your breastfeeding that you couldn't take Advil Cold&Sinus? I didn't until after I popped a couple. Oops. Wonder what effects it has? I know that it helped my sinus headache and that Tylenol just isn't as effective for me.

Kyle's new thing is 11pm bedtime. The bad thing...it's late. The good thing he sleeps in. Today though he slept most of the day. Woke up 11:30, awake 45 minutes. Slept until 1:30, awake until 3:30, slept until 5:30. I sure hope this doesn't push his bedtime to even later. I just finished feeding him and his next feed should be around 9pm... I hope he'll be sleepy then.

Mike worked from home today, he got so much done, in fact I only saw him twice all day, once for a morning break, and the other time for lunch when he took Kyle and I out to eat. The thing about our son, he doesn't like his car seat. So if he's awake and just sitting there the chances are he's cranky. He doesn't like being tied in, and doesn't like being reclined. His preferred position is sitting...on his own. So on our lap, leaning forward, staring at his dog rattle and drooling all over the table we ate in peace...somewhat. :) It was nice going out with Mike and Kyle during the day, it definately changes what I usually do. In fact I just had my mother agree to tuesday nights babysitting so I'll have those evenings free! Yipee!!

I can hardly believe how big he's gotten. I haven't gone to weigh him in a month, but I sure think he's close to 15lbs as I can hardly carry the car seat with one arm anymore for a long period of time. He's also losing his baby hair, and I'm not sure if the stuff growing is blond...but it seems to be. For now though he's still got bald patches on the side of his head and mohawk type bangs. His eyebrows and eyelashes have gotten blonder and his eyes are a light blue. It's neat to see the transition from newborn to little boy.

It's been so warm and great outside! Spent quite a bit of time out with the kids and doing some necessary yard work. Also had family visit all of Sat and some of sunday. This means lots of leftovers for us all week long!

I even spent Friday night making shepard's pie. Yes it was 10pm but I was able to work uninterrupted! Next food making will probably be meatloaf and then starting baby food to freeze. I thought it may be good to buy the veggies now while there are some that are in season rather than start in winter. All I need to do is freeze it and Kyle will have it ready when he is.

A couple of days ago we topped him off with 2oz of formula before bed and he did his nights for 3-4 days. Last night was stupid again (always seems to be a sunday) when he wakes up at 1, then at 4 then at 8. The time change really screwed my system, haven't taken advantage of the extra hour, instead just stayed up. :p

Kyle went to his first birthday party yesterday, he was pretty decently behaved, really intrigued by the other babies. But over an hour of 'new' people and things to see he got sleepy and tried fighting it. Over stimulated. All that was needed was a drive to my sister's to knock him out! :) I also can't believe how handsome Matt is! Sure he was always really gorgeous, but now he's just so darn cute with that head of blond hair and those blue blue eyes!!

Last night we decided 'finally' to give out candies. We weren't sure, but we'll dress Kyle up in the cutest pumpkin outfit he received from friends and stick him outside to show off to the neighbours. Had we not shaved Casey this past week (totally slipped my mind) I would have dressed her up as the Serta Sheep #13. :)

Next year we may aim for Tin Tin and Milo. :)

Going to the CLSC today, up so very early, hardly slept last night. Only getting 4-5 hrs if I'm lucky and baby boy doesn't nap more than 20 minute stretches twice a day.

Kyle Update 3 months and a abit

Kyle monster weighs 15.6lbs aka 7.10kg, and is 62cm long aka 24 3/8inches. The nurse was adament that I not start solids...yet I had 3 other mom's around me with babise between 5months and 8mths, and when the nurse left they leaned in and whispered (I started my baby at 3 1/2 months and she's fine). We discussed the taboo topic in hiding with nurses all around, it felt like we were in school and we were going to get in trouble if they found out. They all said, rice is fine. It was nice to get some advice on how to start, how to prepare, what time in the day to give it, how much to give etc...I've got tons more questions and feel very nervous at the prospect. Sure it's not rocket science but it's a new step. Weird thoughts like what if I give him not enough, or what if I forget! Introducing solids brings on a whole new aspect of baby life. So far I've been feeding on demand, whenever he's hungry I'm there. With solids it seems all so 'scheduled'. Kyle is anything but scheduled when it comes to food. Heck he may snack then 1 hour later be ready to eat, sometimes he can go 4 hours. Lately though we are talking every 2-3hours even at night. Is it better to start giving him rice in the morning or at night? I'd love to be able to share the feeding experience with Mike so evenings would be preferable but will that screw up his night sleep. Those people all said that their once 'perfect' sleepers still haven't regained those awesome nights they once had.

It was very interesting to meet a half dozen sleep deprived mothers with babies in the same age range, who all had the SAME story...my baby used to sleep 12 hours, 8 hours, 10 hours, straight...all night long...it's been a couple of weeks...they no longer do it...waking up every couple of hours...sleeping restlessly...will it go back? what's happening? should I start solids?

Is is the weather? I had one nurse try to convince me that Kyle was in a growth spurt...that's lasting 3 weeks. I smile nodded and walked away knowing that if that's the case, he's been spurting since the day he's born. He's finally down for nap now but wiggling away. I will join him and add some precious sleep time to my little inventory.

What a nice day ... in comparison to the past few!! He hasn't napped in days it seems like, and sleeping at night has been hell. He went from sleeping his nights completely at 4 weeks old, to waking up 2-3 times now. It's probably why it's been so difficult since I did get used to sleeping 8-10hours with him instead of 90 minute to 2 hour stretches. BUT...today...I had enough. This morning I went out, he was awake, got loads of stimulation with all the other babies, behaved with not even a whine! Got home, still everything fine. He had been up since 7am and hadn't slept the extra 2-3 hours he usually does as I kept him occupied. Unlike some babies, if there is something new, he'll have to check it out. He's so curious that he'll fight sleep just to see & listen to what's going on. So by noon while I was online he slept on our swing that's set up in the basement for the winter. By 1 I picked him (fully aware that it would wake him up) and brought him in his playpen, fed him quickly and out he went. He slept 3 hours!! Do I need to tell you what I did?! Slept on the couch with the puppy snuggled into me. I got 3 more hours!!! Wow, if only he could do this more often! He woke up in finest of moods, had a light supper, had some very exciting tummy time on his play mat where he's mastering the art of blowing bubbles, chewing on Spunky his blue doggy, turning from his side to his back and sitting up all by himself. He's really good at it, still trying to find his balance but can sit up really well with us just holding his hands. Turning over and raising his head has been much easier these days, he can lift himself off his chest, and when I put him 3/4 on his stomach, he easily flips himself over. It's that darn head that's so heavy! :)

So after play time, we read a story (The Stinky Cheese Man), had lighter snack with a touch of formula, and his lights went out again for the night as he snuggled into his blankie like Linus does. This is nice. In fact Casey is in her cage sleeping, Mike is sleeping, and Kyle is sleeping. My cleaning and picking up is done and I get a few minutes of total peace for myself. The best part, I feel somewhat rested. I even got the chance to update Kyle's website with more things. It's fun and I love keeping track of his growth. I can't believe how big he is compared to other babies, today he was as large as a couple of 7-8 month olds and seeing a few newborns my jaw dropped as Kyle hasn't looked 'newborn' since his first week of life!

I swear I shot myself in the foot last night by posting. I had just gone upstairs and within minutes Kyle was awake...I heard him sleeping restlessly so it was no surprise but still a little dissapointing it had only been 2 hours. Thankfully a diaper change, resulting in a PJ change (oops) and a 15 minute feed was all that was needed. He slept until 4am, fed, then again at 7am, fed..then Mike brought him back into his crib. I figured he was clean, fed, there should be no problem having him stay in his crib even if he stayed awake. I slept another 2 1/2 hours without any interruptions. That's the downfall of sharing a bed while feeding, they toss, turn, kick make noises and with Mommy in the middle of her men I don't get much peaceful sleep. so this morning I got the bed to MYSELF! :) This was SO good that at 9:45 when I heard him talking to his pooh mobile friends I was in a great mood to go see him. As much as sleeping together is nice, my own sleep is precious and makes all the difference in my mood.

I have to say last night was much better than the past few weeks. I still to this day don't know why he stopped doing his nights and woke up 2-3 times, but I gather it must be developmental growth spurt. Heck it can't be physical, he's huge to start with! :) Last night by 9pm he was wailing to eat, now I seem to be having trouble BF him at night, I don't know why he can't seem to settle down but I end up bruised with all his wiggling punching and kicking. He wants nothing to do with me, instead he's very satisfied with a bottle of expressed milk. How satisfied, well he drank 7-8 oz in 7-8 minutes then passed out until 5:30 this morning. This was good. I figure that he can't drink quickly enough at night with me and that's why the bottle is more satisfying. I do hope to continue with the occassional feed at night when he'll have it. We also tried rice cereal...total failure. He wanted nothing to do with it but blow bubbles with it all over the place. It was worth a try, we shall wait a bit more. At least it reassured me that it wasn't yet time.

hoky doky. I can write...a bit. I know I should sleep, but at some point today I'll have to do something for me. I'm starting to question the growth spurt thing. Kyle is so big and chunky and handsome and I don't know if it's normal BUT I swear this baby has a black hole. There are normal days when every 4 hours he eats like clockwork and is a great mood with all smiles and giggles. There are other days he seems so miserable in his skin and wants to eat all day and even after eating he's happy for 30 minutes then grump. I know all the books indicate that there growth spurts happen at 2,4,6 weeks and 3 & 6 months....I swear though after having fed him every 90 minutes to 2 hours since last night that he's in a constant growth spurt.

So again in an attempt to supplement him and to give me a break he had cereal. I feel confident he was ready being 3 1/2 months and the fact he ate the entire thing and yelled for more. This was after 30 minutes of drinking. What a difference from the first time where he blew bubbles to wanting to swallow the spoon if he could! This was at 7pm. At 7:30 he ate 7 more ounces, still not enough. Finally fell asleep nursing at 8:30. I don't know where he fits it, okay he may be 15 and a half pounds but the amount he ate is insane especially considering he ate all last night and all day!!! Another weird thing he only napped for 45 minutes this morning and by tonight...he was still in a decent mood. hm...I can't figure him out sometimes!

Oh I know I mentioned it, but we baked! And the cherry-blueberry pie that I just had was delicious!!! Mike knows his pies! :)

I'm happy that I'm trying to take some time to get out of the house. Even if it's just for a drive alone it allows me some time to go brain dead. We went jewelery shopping yesterday, my wedding band is only 1/4 too tight, as I'm still swollen from breastfeeding, so I wasn't wearing it and 'looked' single...but in reality I have a husband and baby. It's just important to me to have a symbol of my family when I'm out in public. My aunt has a great thing, she has a scrabble letter (one of those squares with a letter and a point value) on a necklace. The letter is the initial of her son's name. I'm looking for something similar just to always have with me so that in a way I'm never alone. It may sound corny but it just felt wrong not having something to represent my husband and my son. OH...and having such a witty husband, if I were to get one for James and Melyssa, I'd have to name our next child with the letter L so that I can have J, K, L, M on my necklace. No..I'm not aiming to get the whole alphabet.

To continue on the date night thought...next week I'm going to Harry Potter! You see this Saturday we were invited to a special premiere showing with magicians and costumes (the works). However we don't have anyone to watch Kyle since my parents go as well. I could bring him, however the past years it has been SO loud and crowded with kids that I don't think it would be appropriate for him. It's not a movie for mommies event and if it's so loud to scare us, I don't think it's the place for a baby. Anyways it's the first year that we miss this special event, but hopefully we'll be able to go on that tuesday when my parents typically watch Kyle. We realized that we are babysitter-less and unfortunately he's too young to leave in the care of his parents who do a great job in holding him, but pass him off to us at the first sign of diaper change/feeding. :) Also our godparents are ... lets just say not the diaper type. They are great for entertaining but both refuse completely to get near a diaper..even a clean one. :) So for now..or at least until he's pottie trained we are out of luck with babysitters.

10pm...good night....hopefully long night.

I am having a FANTASTIC day! Yes it's true! I can hardly believe it myself! Lsat night he ate like a monster again, and fell asleep until 4:30 this morning. This was heaven. He then woke up at 7:15 which was perfect since we drove mike to the train. Then by 8:30 he took his morning nap and only woke up at 11! My morning outing was skipped but that's TOTALLY fine since I slept too! But at 1pm I was determined to go out with him and went to the movies where we had a great time! He was SO well behaved and after 20 minutes of looking at everything around and smiling at the baby girl behind mus, us he snuggled into me and fell asleep. He slept in his car seat for the rest of the movie!

Yay to good days!

Why are you coughing??? Is it for attention??? There's NOTHING else wrong with you so WHY ARE YOU COUGHING????

ARGH!

...and why are your cheeks so red? I thought we had the rash problem under control...and why is it now itchy?

don't let it be food-related.

What a day. I can't even start.

I'm a mother. I've been a mother for quite some time now. Sitting here in the dark this fact is dawning on me. Mother to not only Kyle, but mother to James and Melyssa. I've been a mother since I was 18. To all those women who said I didn't know what it was like to be a mother and that being a step mother isn't the same...let me tell you...I've stood in both shoes and it's the same thing. Now to those same women, YOU don't know what it's like to stand in MY shoes.

I love them all equally.

Kyle had a first this morning, not only did he prop himself up on his forearms like usual, he did a mini push up! With his head & neck much stronger he spends a lot of time on his mat and getting loads of tummy time. I guess this is letting him practice and get stronger, I gather soon he'll be rolling if he can push himself up that way!

His rash is also much better than the past 48hours. He's still itchy, and what's left are his scratches, poor kid looks beat up. We're waiting for his rash to go away until we try something else, maybe oatmeal or soy. I wonder what the doctor is going to say, I hope I don't get 'in trouble' for this. She really intimidates me like one of my high school teachers, not like she can do anything, but she scares me!

What a morning!!!

It all began with a dirty diaper, not just an ordinary diaper, BUT one that reflects that he is now eating solids...get my drift. This is the first one, and I was muttering something like 'those inconsiderate mothers didn't warn me about this stench'.

Then everything snowballed, my dog was running around like a maniac because she found a new toy in the house, a simple tennis ball. That's right, this sent her in a whirlwind - oh the excitement of a new toy! It's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!!! What a goofball.

I leave Kyle in his crib for some tummy time while I wash my hands and feed Casey. Nothing new with that part until I went to get the giggly boy from his crib who was now on his back!!! Much squeeling from mommy and baby, I place him again on his tummy and sure enough within minutes, flipped over like a pancake!

And in the middle of all this excitement, there was a gorgeous wood pecker outside.

oh...no....another dirty diaper here I come.

Can this day get any better? Don't cook if you have only a few hours of interrupted sleep under your belt. reason #1 - you bonk your head into the open microwave door #2 you are likely to burn yourself & reason #3 when using a knife chances are you are going to cut the top of your knuckle off. (I rationalized myself through it by saying - "well it doesn't hurt as much as childbirth")

I hate today.

So to get back to what I wanted to write about...even though he's been eating oatmeal like a pro for a couple of days now, it still doesn't seem to be affecting his sleeping pattern as he wakes up to be fed at aroudn 4:30 or 5. But the past couple of days it's been 4, then 3, last night 2 so I don't know if it's a small growth spurt but he's not feeding much in the day. Today I'm trying to feed him every 3 hours instead of demand, but yesterday he hardly ate. I know just like us, his appetite fluctuates, but not eating in the day only at night is just not going to work with me.

Kyle's 4 months old now and quite the character, I should say "has" quite a character as well. He seems intelligent in that it's been 2 months or so that he is keenly aware of the different cries and what they bring him. Obviously all babies realize this at some point, it's just amazing to see your baby developing intellectually as well as physically. He also knows that him smacking lips means food, that's his cue now to eat and is really cute. Sure before he may have been 'crying' but...it's yelling since he's upset at not doing something HE wants. We know because there are NO tears. The only times tears are present are if he's hurt. He also starting putting out his arms if he wants to be picked up or want something he sees like his blankie. Oh and let me tell you he loves his blanket and snuggles into it like Linus does from the Snoopy comics. God forbid we forget that blanket when we go out. He wraps it around his arm and sucks his thumb (or nurses) until he falls asleep.

He's back on a bottle strike. No can do, he would rather starve than take the bottle, poor Mike knows that for a fact. So I think we will give up on it and instead turn to a cup in a few weeks, I'll look into the different brands. Maybe (and hopefully) that will work.

Like I've said tonight is his 4-month shots. Last time I managed to muster up enough calm to go through it, this time (because I know what is coming) it's a little harder to stay calm. But I have to find a way to...I think what makes it so hard is the fact he doesn't take a paci and doesn't find comfort in anything else. So we know that he'll be yelling and so upset and finding a way to calm him down is what worries me.

On a nice note I spent a wonderful afternoon yesterday. A friend from church just had a grandson in september and her daughter from Winnipeg flew in to visit. We were introduced and got along SO well, she's 26 and so cool. It's nice meeting new mommies! We watched Walk the Line (pretty decent, long though) and had our babies with us. Kyle was awake for much of it and was really good. No crying, the occassional conversation with the screen, a grab here and there at the popcorn bag, a really good boy he was. Too bad she's leaving town, we could have really become good friends. I'll see her at church one last time on Sunday for the First of Advent.

OH boy I knew what I was in for when Kyle woke up almost every hour. At 5:30 instead of nursing him in bed I got up, wrapped him in a bunch of blankets (I thought he may be cold) nursed in his chair, and put him in his crib. He eventually fell asleep on his own, but that didn't last too long because the next thing I remember I was in bed nursing him. The night is so blurry. What makes everything worse he's SO cranky. oh man. 2 days of so-so crankyness and today is whine whine whine.

Oh how fun the shots will be tonight.

Forget that...how fun will my day be!

wine & cheese

Anybody have cheese for me, I've got tons of whine over here. I've tried playing, nursing, rocking & cuddling(no go Arin) changing the diaper, leaving him naked, in his crib, walking around, boucing everything but upside down. No don't get me wrong, he's not bawling (yet) just never content. I know he's tired and slept badly (I did too) but refuses to nap. Right now he's fed, cleaned & dry, warm and cuddly and I left him in bed where he is whining. Maybe in a while he'll fall asleep...

...hmmm...by the sounds of it...maybe not - but he's going to stay there.

There's no going to get him everytime he whimpers or pulls a fit. It's just not how I'm going to raise him. There is cuddle time and play time with us, but there is also alone time.

I've got so much to write but no time to do it.

*he upped it up another notch...cute*

Sure when he naps I should sleep myself so I'll be in somewhat of a stable state to take care of him after the shots, but I want to write about my massage and floating bath, visiting our friends over the weekend, heck I NEED to finish writing his 4 month old birthday letter.

*upped again* oh boy he's ticked off...

After a long and emotionally draining week, waking up to beautiful sunshine sure helps lifts my spirits. I feel so battered and bruised.

When Mike got home we made our way in the nasty snowy windy weather for Kyle's vaccines. There was obviously hardly anybody there thus we didn't wait long to see the nurse. Thank goodness we got another lady this time who seemed much nicer than the last. We went prepared with Spunky his blue dog and he sucked it happily, even giving the nurse the occasional flirty smile. She gave him the first shot while Mommy looked at the pretty flower pictures on the wall. He cried for a couple seconds until she held out this new toy for him to see and immediately he forgot about his leg! What a good boy! Mike and I were so impressed!!! Then came the 2nd needle (the one that burns apparently) and well he didn't much like it. The entire experience was TONS better than last time and sure he cried but it went away. Heck they even gave him 2 red band aids, this made Mommy really happy. :) So finally that's done with for another 2 months!

So far he doesn't seem to have any reactions (he didn't last time either) but still gave him Tempra before bed, and I just gave him another dose at lunch time. He slept decently as well, we didn't give him solids last night and fell asleep at 9:30, was awake at 2:30 until 3:30 and only again at 8:30. A very nice night compared to the night before. He's also down for his 2nd nap and it's almost 2. This is good!

We also weighed him and granted the CLSC scales are a little off compared to his doctor's he's almost hitting 17lbs. This also means we are finishing the #2 diapers we have and moving up to #3. 4 months old and already there, I'm sure he'll be cruising soon especially with the way he wiggles on his mat!

So yesterday Mike and I went to HP since he hadn't seen it yet. This is where things got crazy, within 10 minutes of leaving Kyle goes nuts with crying, bawling and screaming. My mom was here as she was going to watch the boys, but honestly he just went mental. There was NOTHING to do to help him. We gave him some Tempra and prayed he'd quiet down. Still I don't know what the heck happened, I just know that it's been 5 days of extreme cuddly & needy Kyle. Did I mention whiny and irritable-not the baby I know that's for sure? Thankfully he slept on and off and gave my mom some breaks. I do know he must have howled for some time since he whimpered all afternoon into the evening like he does after he's cried his little lungs out. Even if he did, there was nothing to do with him. By night time and after some vial diapers (thanks to the vaccines - yuck!) he was much better and slept great! A 7 hour stretch, then another 5 hours! Today we are still getting the stinky vaccine diapers (all moms know what I'm referring to) and he's in a great mood. Hopefully he'll stay that way for tonight's advent dinner at church. This morning he was decently behaved in church even though he was awake for all of it. The only time he cried was at the end when the choir was singing and they played a trumpet (scared the little guy).

(Note: I now know as I read through these posts that he was teething - hindsight is always 100%, I also realize that it lasted for 3 weeks, no wonder I was so discouraged)

I also have to say how proud I am of Kyle's sleeping routine, sure he may do 5-8 hour sleep stretches at night, but what I'm most proud of is the fact he falls asleep all by himself! Whether it's nap time or bed time, we put him in his crib and he falls asleep all by himself within minutes. Usually we crank up the mobile but he never lasts until it reaches the end. Last night we were able to put James and Kyle to bed at the same time and not get a peep out of either of them!

Speaking of my guys, they are outside putting on Christmas lights and decorations, usually Melyssa is here to bake with me when they do this, but unfortunately she's not here this weekend. Now I'll go prepare hot chocolate for them, and they'll warm up by the fire when it's all done! We love the first of Advent, it's such nice family time.

Kyle is healthy and happy as could be! His checkup today went really well, he was all smiles for the doctor and didn't pee once on her this time! :) She was happy to see a few things - he was developing really well for his age, his curiosity at the world around him (she had to wrestle him around to look in his ears as he'd always turn to look at her and smile) and she surprised at his happiness to be on his tummy. He was prescribed cortisone (good thing because my supply is low!). It's what I was using on his eczema patches for 2 days and it all disappeared. His cheeks are MUCH better and we finally figured out the cause. Detergent. Not the ivory that we use for his clothes, but the stuff we use on our clothes and mainly our bed sheets. I clued in one morning when he came to bed with me and I realized his skin was baby soft on his cheek (something he hasn't had for months) and after a nap we woke up with fiery red chapped cheeks. So after a load of laundry and some extra precautions for his sensitive skin he seems to be doing much better. He still sports his scratches and looks like a boxer, but they'll clear up.

He weighed in at 16lbs and is still in the 75th percentile for weight but dropped to a more normal 50th-75th percentile for length and head. The doctor was pleased that he already had his shots as she apparently doesn't like giving them to babies(this makes me laugh!) She's such a sweet and intelligent lady, I'm really glad to have her as his pediatrician. I like the fact that I learn something every time I go, like today she told me that the allergy gene is passed on by the mother generally and not the father.

We had the solid food discussion, in fact it wasn't much of a discussion as it was her telling me that he shouldn't have anything until he's 6 months old. sigh. "You don't want to increase his risk of allergies by giving him solids, especially with his profile and family history". Okay I understand that, but do you see my son salivating at the food on the table? Do you hear him cry, smack his lips and reach out at the table because he wants to eat? Most importantly, during his perpetual growth spurts are you the one getting up every 2 hours to feed him for an hour? No. So yes, we'll take it easy and slowly, but the little guy has an appetite and enjoys eating, this boy already shows signs of enjoying good food and eventually good wine!

Arin, your baby gave my baby a growth spurt. :)

It's been 2 days (and nights) now of feeding every 90 minutes to 2 hours. I feel empty. I feel I have nothing left to give him. Even after rice last night, which he refused to eat more than 1 small tbsp, he ate 2 hours later. The longest stretch was a 4 hour sleep last night from 10pm to 2pm - obviously I went to sleep at 11pm and let me tell you 3 hours isn't a long stretch. I know I'm getting fed up when the night feedings frustrate me and I growl into my pillow.

I don't know how long it will last, please God don't make it last 3 weeks like last time.

Oh and God while you're at it, take care of all my friends who need you right now, unfortunately there are quite a few who could use your help and support right now.

In perspective I don't have any right to complain about my feeling drained.

I've been so spoiled the past few days.

Kyle has been cranky, he broke out in a bad rash about 2 days ago and he's just miserable in his skin. He also gets teething pains and just cries with both hands in his mouth. We've taken him completely off solids now and things are going well with only one feeding anywhere between 2 and 4. This was done to basically try to get rid of his eczema, but no luck. So I don't know what the problem is and what causes it. I've tried changing the detergent, no luck. It could simply be what I was allergic to - everything that is, however I never had a rash as a baby. It's just so frustrating for me and for him and I hate using cortisone on his baby skin. He has perpetual red cheeks (looks cute but the skin is so rough), his chin is in horrible condition with all that drooling he does.

On top of that, he doesn't want to be sitting or lying down anymore and has a fit if he's not standing. Heck it's gotten to the point that we can't sit when we hold him since he pulls a huge fit. So up and about I am all day. Yesterday Karine lent me a jolly jumper, this has changed my life. It took 10 seconds to install, put my wiggly boy in there and bounce bounce bounce he went without a cry for a whole 30 minutes! I had him in the doorway of our bathroom so I took a bath and even had time to do my legs!!! I fed him then the happy little guy fell asleep for his morning nap. This has changed the quality of my days. I know that grandma santa was going to get it for him for x-mas but I can't wait that long. I spend my days with him in the baby carrier and busting my back and neck with 17lbs (fully dressed) baby on me.

I think I mentioned Kyle's irritable. I don't know if he's spoiled from being picked up all the time, if he's just a grumpy baby, or if he's teething. He bawls and cries and whines all freakin' day. Even on my lap he cries and I'm on the borderline of losing all patience. I can't say it's only been 1 day, that would be fine, it's been like 2 freakin' weeks of bawling and fits all day long. Last night was a first, the night before he went to bed finally at 10:40, up at 3 until 4, then at 8am. Last night by 6 he was bawling again and by 7 I fed him thinking he may take a quick nap before bedtime. By 7:30 he was out like a light and didn't move until 3 this morning. I usually put his PJs on at 8, so he slept in his sweatshirt and pants. By 5:30 though it was "Mom, Dad I'm not tired any more, let's play". UGH. No playing for me at that time, look at Mommy's annoyed and pissed off face. We let him cry in his crib for 10 minutes until I went to try feeding him (he's gotten to biting me if he's not hungry or doesn't want to eat) so before I offer him anything I make sure he's hungry because I can really do without a bite from an angry baby.

He slept thankfully another 2 hours, but within 45 minutes of being awake he starts with his crying. Tried feeding him again (he bit me again) so I left him in his crib to cry. It took 10 minutes but he's finally sleeping again.

It's so draining. All day. I spend all freakin' day with him, he hardly gives me a damn smile or laugh. Daddy gets home and he's all smiles for about 20 minutes and the crying starts again.

If he's teething the only sign would be irritability and I don't want to give him tempra because he's grumpy and looks pissed off at the world. Damn I don't know what to do. God I hope he's just not a cranky baby, I just can't deal with it.

That's right my son cut his first tooth! All that drooling, the raw chin, the extra red cheeks and most of all the out of this world irritability. This morning during a cuddle he grabs my finger, chewed and OW! It pricked me! I wasn't sure at first (this is my first baby after all) but after an intense investigation with Mike turns out that sure enough that little point is his first tooth!

WOW, my son has his first tooth! Unbelievable.

This new addition to our family is getting a bunch of attention. First off - beware unsuspecting fingers near Kyle's reach you will get nibbled. No nibbling would be fine...he will ravage your finger with that new pearly white. I finally managed to open his mouth wide enough to see it's his bottom right side coming through. I just can't believe it. I was almost a year before mine first one came, so we figure he takes after Daddy for this one. I look at my little guy who is now by the way in the best of moods (no more of that monster that had me depressed for over 2 weeks) and soon with a smile a little white tooth will be showing. Unbelievable how quick things change. Let's also say BF is also so much different and excruciatingly painful at times (especially when he bites). I want to continue and many mothers have BF their babies with teeth, but I don't know if it's for me. I was really hoping to continue until he's 6 months for his health, however the other dilema is that he refuses the damn bottle thing and hasn't figured out the sucking part of the cup. sigh...this will be difficult I imagine. He's also off solids but know we really know that the eczema and red chapped cheeks is related to....teething. The things I learn. Since it's out it's gone down so much, sure he gets moments of pain and inflammed, but the cheek thing is more under control. Perhaps I will re-start the solid thing slowly. It's just so hard to determine if the food is okay with no reaction when your son has super red irritated cheeks to start with.

This is sweet! He finally went to bed at 10:15 last night and slept until 6 this morning. I don't know what he was on yesterday but the little guy was in the best of moods, only took 1 nap of an hour at 3pm and was awake for the rest of the time. Personally that's too much awake time for me, I hardly had a chance to do anything but thankfully he was in a great mood. The babbling, the blowing bubbles - he's practicing his B sounds and obviously spit goes flying everywhere!

Last night we watched football, put up the 3 frames in the bathroom downstairs (they look great!) and I can't wait to get my next painting, I'm so excited to put it up! We are getting some final pieces to our living room furniture, the glass DVD/CD case, then eventually a telephone stand. I'm so excited!!!

I'm also desperately looking forward to this weekend, not only am I getting a haircut (yay!) but we are going over to friends for supper and I'm sure we are going to have a great time like usual!

It's really cold in here! Thank goodness I decided against going out and taking the car, it's way too cold for Kyle and myself. The whole idea of freezing as I make several trips around town and struggling with the heavy car seat in this weather..I rather not.

Kyle was amazing yesterday. He was so perfect. In the best of moods all day and evening, took his nap like a pro (didn't contest it once) took his power nap at 7pm on his grandfather, woke up in time to watch Mickey's Christmas Carol, cuddled unntil 8:45 then went to bed perfectly. Not a peep out of him. We knew he was tired but with his teething his sleeping patterns have been all screwy. It's been a couple of days in a row that he is re-doing his nights, from 9pm to 5-6am.

I'm going to go for a mid morning nap now.

He's got the pair!!!!!!! Sure enough, we expected the other and this morning there it is, two pearly whites side by side!!! How exciting!!!!!!! Now can we be done with teething for a couple of months?!

Just last night Mike and I disccussed solid food and his point is that the baby has 2 teeth it's just logical that he be fed more adult like foods sooner rather than later!

Speaking of weekend, our evening at Francisco & Line's was really great. Since Kyle's been born I haven't gone out and hung out with friends very late at night. This past weekend was great since we had a nice long nap and were up until 2:30am. Like I told Mike it was rejuvenating, Kyle (or our fatigue) didn't hold us back from socializing and it was wonderful. Thankfully Kyle slept with us until 9:30 giving us some kind of rest to tackle the next day!

Sunday was blurry since he's teething again...yes...again. Screeching painful cries, waking up with tears and fists jammed in his mouth. Today is much of the same thing. All I can say is that it's wearing me down. I'm really looking forward to Mike's vacation starting this week, at least I will maybe get a break. Even if it's an afternoon or morning or even time for a nap or sleeping in without baby. I need some me time.

I'm so freakin' tired it's hardly quantifiable, I'm drained and the sad part is that there are times recently that Kyle just annoys me with his continuous whining and crankiness. Annoys is also an understatement, no patience left is more like it. There are times he's super baby, but more often than not he's miserable, whiny, high maintenance and grumpy. I can't set him down for any length of time before him tiny little arms dart out wanting to be picked up, within seconds the whining and crying starts. The hardest part though has to be BF. I'm really really really tired. I hardly (if ever) feel the joy that I did when I first began feeding him, now it's like get the hell off me, especially after a marathon feeding (like 3-4 hours). I have seriously considered stopping but have no energy for the fight that will result when we try to force him to a bottle. To make matters worse, when the feeding seems to be going okay (which is rare because of his CONSTANT kicking and wiggling) the little dude bites me. A full fledge crunch. I don't accept pain really well and get insulted, obviously tie this in to my fatigue and I'm quite pissed of and usually hand him over to Mike so I can try to regain my cool. He's also lucky to be my son because I would let any other kid cry of hunger if they pulled that on me. Anyways the bottle is not working, BF is draining me physically and emotionally (hell it's been 5 months of exclusive BF, I think he's taken 6-7 bottles in total in that time) and I feel like a total mess. Just yesterday I got the urge to just go away on vacation, not even a vacation more like give me time alone or I might burst at the seams. I want to get my eyebrows done, I feel ugly and fat, and I could really use a damn break from it all. I could also really use sleep, hell i don't remember last time I had more than 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and it's killing me.

My mom always has the best timing too, honestly, this morning she called and asked out of the blue how I'm feeling while explaining how her horrible baby blues hit her at 5 months. s'funny how that happens, considering Kyle is turning 5 months on Thursday. I didn't tell her much (in fact this is the first time I'm putting it out there in the open) but she's coming over after work for a visit.

Oh and I'm feeling totally stupid socially, in fact retarded is more like it. I went out to Fairview and I get this weird paranoid feeling that everyone is staring at me. I'm so uneasy in my skin and can't stand being in crowds. So I went to the feeding room in Sears to catch my breath and try to relax. I just feel so awkward that I can hardly carry on a conversation if I don't put all my concentration into what I'm talking about, otherwise I go brain blank.

The worst is that I don't even have time to have a good cry because he has a damn knack of waking up whenever I do something that doesn't involve him.

Mom came over, we made baby carrots together. We had him taste them, reaction, bubbles and icky faces. He refused them after a couple of small spoonfuls. Okay, not too fond of them yet. I really just wanted him to taste them as they were freshly made.

How the hell can I live when my son doesn't sleep? I mean without exageration he didn't sleep. Nope not a wink. I'd feed him in his chair, put him down and he was wide awake. He'd be babbling and talking. I'd feed im over and over and put him down in his crib thinking he'd sleep, turn away get into my bed, snuggle my pillow and BAM! he was awake. Finally at 3am I brought him into our bed to feed him hoping to get some shut eye while I did it, woke up in a haze a 4 and he was still there sleeping! Yay I poked Mike to bring him in his bed (like usual after a bed feeding), he came back settled in bed and BAM! baby awake. oh for fuck's sake. Left him there while he talked until they turned to cries, got him, fed, asleep back in crib, awake. This went on and on and on all night long. Finally at some point I think at 7am when I got up to get him, he stayed in bed with me, I would have rathered not I really don't want to spoil him, but I think he spoiled himself as he's NEVER spent the night in bed with us. Ofcourse he talked and babbled kept me in a semi-conscience state, finally I woke up and realized he was asleep like a bug in a rug, so I carefully roll out of bed and dammit his eyes open like on of those dolls. Wide awake.

I don't know what the hell went on. Was it my drinking coffee? I usually have 1 cup at most he should be used to it. Was it giving him some carrots? Was it the cold weather, the teething, a growth spurt? Is he spoiled? sigh...I don't want my baby in bed with me, it's my choice, it's my bed I love him to bits during the day, at night it's mommy's space. Obviously combine this with yesterday's feelings and I'm in great shape. yeah right.

I got me some Zzzzz! Sure he didn't do them consecutively, but 4 hours at a time, from 10:30 until 11:15 this morning. I feel tons better. Woke up took a nice bath, have a good mood baby, things are looking up. A special thanks out to the most wonderful husband in the world(mine!) and mom who've been helping me a great deal this week. They've helped clean up, take baby duty and just been there for me.

I'm doing better (sleep does wonders). Sure the next few days are going to be SUPER hectic, cleaning, child rearing, cooking, laundering and preparing but I'm thankfully going to get loads of help from my hubby, the kids (the 2 old enough to dust and windex things) and mom is helping me prepare x-mas dinner. I was going to do it all alone, but I realize that I'm drained and hardly have the chance to do something for more than 10-15 minutes before Kyle requests my presence. Technically I should have started a week ago and set my christmas table today if I was alone, but with all the help I'm getting it will all be taken care of. Tomorrow morning Mike is even getting up and going grocery shopping for us, a huge help for me! I think the best will be one afternoon when Kyle and the kids are napping and Mike and I will have some time to nap together. 2 whole weeks I have my hunky husband and best friend home with me, that's the best gift of all!

Christmas eve was nice and fun once Kyle finally got to bed. You wouldn't expect a 5 month old to be excited for something he never experienced before, but let me tell you with only 1 nap under his belt, awake since 7am and it was 10pm with no signs of him slowing down, it was a long day. Then he repeated the same thing on the 25th. His face is also all a wreck with scars and rashes. Nothing we do seems to make it better. Poor kid is suffering. There is blood on almost all of his blankets and clothing and even with hardly any nails he finds a way to rip open his face. He's been eating cereal almost everyday, with some apple sauce a couple of times. He's also getting these teething attacks. Finally we bought some Gripe Water, don't know if it worked but it sure helped his plumbing issue.

So with Christmas over, (sadly I'm glad it's over) I'm really enjoying having Mike home with us. The kids have been in their PJs for 2 days straight and James has been reading all day and playing with their Christmas gifts. We were al terribly spoiled this year with tons of gifts, Kyle leading by far with the number of gifts under the tree. Among it were many Lamaze toys, a handful of board books, a ton of bath toys which he simply adores, stacking rings, PJs, outfits, an education fund donation, 2 trucks with blocks and sounds for when he's older. We got wonderful massive baskets that my mother puts together filled with a variety of goodies, a bottle of wine, cheese, hand towels, knives, candles, boxers, truffles, specialty coffee, european hot chocolate, bath towels, a Christmas nutcracker decoration, and so much more. The family received the board games Clue and Deluxe Monopoly and I got a CD and Game Cube game. All in all there was much wrapping paper and gifts all over the floor.

Mike and I have been picking up for days now and almost see the end of it. We are also changing some rooms around and building furniture so the final clean up is taking longer than usual. We are also taking down our tree which feels kind of weird as we usually have it until January, but the pines are falling quicker than we can pick them up and having it down will help us in rearranging our living room.

For lunch I think it will be more turkey, which by the way was just wonderful. It was our first time cooking one and it was simply delicious. I've had it every day and I think for every meal since the 24th. We also have tons of extra leftovers which will feed the 5 of us for atleast another 2 days. We ate so much on the Eve, we ate until 2am. Then ate all day on the 25th, by yesterday a light vegetable soup was all anyone could stomach for supper.

My favorite moments so far, 11pm on the 25th, snuggling in bed watching When Harry Met Sally. In 2nd place watching my son in awe at all the pretty paper and holding onto me in church while he stared at the candles, in 3rd place nursing Kyle upstairs at my inlaws and watching football with Mike in the dark, we are quiet people and yelling and commotion really bothers us.

Now to laundry, James is commando and wanting underwear. :)

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to have both Mommy and Daddy home to raise the baby and get to spend precious quality time together? Kyle's doing much better thanks to extra (as in many many more) applications of cortizone, the prescription said twice a day, sorry I decided it wasn't enough to even control the situation when his cheeks were reddy than a Coke can and so chapped and cracked they were bleeding. After 2 intense days of treatment all that is left is a rosy hue and his scratches which will heal. He's also less miserable and he eats tons. At supper I'm feeding anywhere 4-5 tbsp and that's after BF for over an hour. It's gotten obvious to Mike and I that I'm no longer able to provide him for any length of time, maybe 2-3 hours at most and if I'm lucky. During that time he's also cranky and hungry. SO...today we gave him some cereal at lunch to see if he would eat it, 4 tbsp later I say he did and wanted more. Now it's almost 5:30 and I'm preparing more for him. What's been the hardest to gauge is if he needs it and how much to give him and how often. Books are only guidelines and it's really guess and test with this parenting stuff. Also meals are getting a little confusing, how many times a day do I give cereal? Veggies? Fruits? And when? We are back on rice (Nestle only) since the oatmeal was somewhat binding.