Chantale Turgeon ~ 2nd Compiled Pregnancy Journal

My internal thermostat is out of whack something severe! Hot to the point of sweating, cold to the point of shivers, then hot again, all within a few minutes....ALL the time. I realize it's why I haven't slept well in about a week, I wake up up to 10 times a night all sweaty, then another 10 times frozen solid. On the covers, off the covers, on the covers and off again. To the point where not sleeping consecutively for about a week has caught up with me and driving to work is very hard task.

Hot, old, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot...cold.

Wow I'm pregnant with my second child. It's unbelievable. We did want another, but the reality of it...is just amazing. It feels weird. Surreal I think the word is. Not like the first at all. The first time was exciting and scary but all very bouncing on cloud 9. Now it's more...down to earth. I know what I'm getting myself and my body in to. I guess that explains my initial reaction. It's not a bad reaction but just more realistic. About 2 weeks ago when I felt my abdomen loosen the muscles in a snap it made me cringe. Let me clarify, I found out 3 days ago at about this time that I was pregnant and before that I really had no clue. So my stomach making me cringe was that the first time that happened when I was about 4-5 months along, so in my head it didn't make sense for me to feel the same thing. Then my mood - wow I was "wickedly" moody. I was able to maintain a pleasant disposition with my co-workers, but at home for whatever reason, maybe instinctly I did not like my husband. I wasn't mad, or upset or irritated, but when I thought of him or when he was around I was not pleased with him, like he did something that pissed me off. I just didn't like him very much at all. Perhaps it was my instinct that he got me pregnant and my body was ticked off that it had to go through all those changes again, who knows, maybe in a 'Mad About You' way that Jamie couldn't stand to hear Paul's voice...must have been something like that. So I spent quite some time moody, it wasn't until Thursday when I gagged brushing my teeth. I "know" the gag while brushing the teeth thing. I didn't have morning sickness the first time, but I sure gagged when I brushed.

Oh I guess I should also say that about a week ago I realized that my tight tops gave me a belly, I just wasn't looking as thin as the month before. Thankfully I lost all my baby weight, I was down to 135lbs at one point but in the past 2 weeks I've only eaten carbs...and chips and more carbs and bread and little to no fruit and I've doubled my portions ever since I worked at Cramer's on the roof in the rain and cold that Saturday. So I'm up to 138lbs which is still in my regular range. I just notice that my belly is...well pregnant looking already. I didn't even have a belly for almost 4 months the first time, and now I'm barely 6 weeks pregnant and I have the cute baby bulge.

I guess those were pretty much my indications that things were different. I wasn't elated when I found out either, in fact after 30 minutes I cried, somewhat frightened and overwhelmed that my little family was changing again. Not that I'm worried because we are simply adding my love to our family this way, but I look at Kyle who just turned 15 months old and I know I have to picture my baby boy as a big brother. It's surreal. My little boy will have a full-time sibling to play with. I don't want things to change with him, I still want to be the same mom I was, but I know deep down things will change somewhat, I can't have him step all over me and jump up and down on my belly for one thing.

A couple of frantic thoughts that crossed my head when I found out - oh wait, the reason why I took the test, even despite fighting the fact I could be late, and really not wanting to be dissapointed, and the reason why I didn't wait for Mike - I was so tired of being in a pissy mood I figured that I had to get over it, and if I knew this was the reason then I could just get over it. Sometimes just knowing why helps. So sure enough (and thankfully) it was much clearer this time around the 2 blue lines appeared within seconds. So I knew. I just knew and I was happy, but still had a couple of frantic thoughts....like - we need to make another room. What if this is my last pregnancy, oh my god I may never be pregnant again, I should enjoy this. What about names? (I should also admit that in my miserable mood I made some stupid comments like, "Kyle I'm so glad you aren't a baby-baby anymore, you rock at this age!" "I hate girl clothes, I don't want a girl" Yes, all very stupid very shoot myself in the foot comments, comments that will undoubtedly lead to me being pregnant with a girl. Stupid Me.

Another thing is that I forgot all the pregnancy rules, like the fact I've spent the past 4 weeks drinking heavier than I'm used to. I spent about 3 days drunk at Michelle and Casey's wedding, then having a glass of wine, a beer here and there. I will miss that again for the time it lasts. It's weird and I guess natural that the things I barely gave thought too the first time are the most important things this time, like the name. Right away we threw out some ideas, I dreamed of Emmanuel for a boy, Mike hates it. Who knows, it could have been it's name in a previous life. I also like Emma - duh I only now realize it's almost the same name. Aidan is nice too as well as Justin or Justine. We'll see, we have lots of time, like 9 months.

Oh and another thing, I don't have the same urge to tell the world. It's so much different, I'm much more subdue than the first time, I did tell our friend Karine because I needed a friend, you know a 'just in case something bad happens' friend. I just don't feel like telling parents or family. I don't want anyone to know right now, I guess I want to be left alone oddly enough. I want my contract to work out until the end of the year at Pratt, that would give me the needed 16 weeks for EI and a very good salary to live off of for maternity. Until that gets settled I don't want anyone to know because I don't have answers for them and I can't alleviate their fears of income or employment.

(For those of you - including my husband who are reading this - are a few...very few who know)

PLEASE keep this information quiet. Our families do not know. I can count on 1 hand those who knows and I WANT to keep it that way for now. I am NOT ready to share this with everyone yet.

I will know when I am ready, and I AM NOT.

Oy. More nauseous than before. Just a feeling of the woosies and of an unsettle stomach. Especially if I don't constantly eat. That is something else, I eat and I'm hungry ALL the time. I thought this famish came in the later weeks, but I'm starving. And should I get hungry and eat I then get bloated, heartburn and gas. I feel so bloated I feel like a blimp. The fatigue isn't too bad, I do get exhausted and crash and the hardest is not after work but by 6-6:30pm if Mike isn't home yet and I'm still running around with Kyle. It's as if my body can get to daycare, pick him up, wrestle him in the car seat, drive home, prepare supper, play with him and the dog, sit and snuggle while supper is being made, feed Casey and the fish, feed Kyle (inhale whatever scraps of food I find for myself) barely have enough energy to fully clean up, play with Kyle some more, but at some point I really hate doing it but I can't do anything else is just put in baby Einstein or other baby friendly cartoon so he just sits there while I decompress. I read in a couple of books not to be too hard on myself and just accept that it will be like this for a while. I just won't have the energy after a full day to play an hour game of run around the house tickle tag with a 15 month old. I never really wanted to get home and put him in front of the TV while I did other things but for now it's the easiest thing, I can only do so much.

Then by 7:00pm if Mike still isn't home I'm a pile of goo, I hardly have enough umph to get him to his room, play and read some more until bed time and then give him his bottle. Yesterday if I were not sitting on the floor I would have passed out before him.

The mornings aren't too bad, except for the wobbly wozzy tummy. And grapes. Grapes and spritzy mineral water makes me feel good. I could eat and drink only that with an occasional hamburger. Oh that's another thing should I see a food commercial, I could lick the screen.

With all this eating you would think I gained tons of weight, nope, lost a pound. Oh THIRSTY! That's another thing I feel like a fish, I have to drink tons (and don't talk to me about soft drinks or juice, the thought makes me sick) so really I'm bound to water, and spritzy water like Perrier.

The last thing I noticed is that in the morning I don't have that much of a baby bulge, but by mid-day or late afternoon, I look like I did at 3-4 months last time. Does that mean I'm going to look 15 months pregnant by the time I get to 9 months?

Oh, and the cramps. My abdomen is so cramped. It hurts and it makes me grumpy. You see not all parts of pregnancy makes me glow and happy like last time.

Argh...

Getting a bloody referral to an OBGYN is impossible. My GP is being unhelpful or lazy...the secretaries I deal with are morons.

It's been over a week and I still don't have a name for the hospital I want. It takes 4 months to get a first appointment usually. That pushes me way too late and thus unable to get the prenatal testing I did the first time (the ones that NEED to be done BEFORE 13 weeks) Hmph.

I might be forced to call my previous OBGYN. Nah. I don't even want to begin with that, I might get stuck there.

So I called in the big guns. My mom. When she calls clinics, they answer her. Immediately, not a week or 2 later. She's VERY effective, persuasive and polite. I should get an answer later today.

OH - we told our parents this weekend. Funny how matter of fact, not so much dancing is done with the 2nd baby. Told also my sister, whom I woke up so the only reaction I got was "oh..okay...cool...congrats"

Told Mike's brother and got "...thought you guys were waiting longer...."

My mom and dad were both happy but I don't think it hit them yet. My in-laws were thrilled, especially dad-inlaw who almost squished/hugged the baby out of me. :)

Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...Do not throw up...

My mantra of the day...

Please send vibes so I can spend less time at the beckon call of the ceramic queen and more time at my desk.

I'm ready this morning, bought an overpriced Perrier upstairs in the caf, brought in some crackers from home. Sure it's probably giving the wrong image, but it's helping!

I did tell 1 colleague this morning, but she's the one who sits right beside me and doesn't work or know any of my direct co-workers. In fact she's an intravert and also a contractor for something completely different. I could maybe hide from the people I work with given I don't sit beside them or even in the same area, but the lady who sees me doing deep breathing, running to the bathroom, drinking Perrier and eating crackers is bound to catch on. In fact she said to me 4 weeks ago when I got hot-cold flashes "you're pregnant" so really she knew before me.

UGH.

Is it too much to ask to not feel nauseous? I mean wave over wave over wave of nausea hitting me ALL day long.

UGH.

It's not even morning sickness, it's ALL day long. EVERY day. The only reprieve I get is when I sleep.

I NEVER had this with Kyle, EVER. NEVER. EVER. I feel like crap...

It's hard to even live like this. Evenings seems to be worse, but then again I've had horrible mornings and afternoons as well.

My vitamins - thought they worked, until I felt worse. Then I had the problem of feeling SOOOO sick that nothing (absolutely nothing) was appealing to eat, thus aggravating my problem by making me sicker. Finally (way too late in the evening) I had an inkling of food that was decent and safe enough to ingest. Oh that's ANOTHER can of worms, if I can get any more bloated/heart burn/indigestion/gas I think I may float off like a hot air balloon. Water makes me sick, food makes me sick...everything makes me sick.

The first time I felt good yesterday was when I finally ate a 12 inch grilled chicken sub. It was HUGE, it was TASTY, it was healthy to boot! It went down way too easily. I had the first 6 inches and was almost convulsing to eat the 2nd half. The other thing, I'm trying really hard to eat slowly to not get more heartburn but it was sooo good. I then curled up, with the happiest, warmest belly I've had in weeks.

Oh to add to all that I got a wicked sense of guilt with baby #2 on the way, guilt for Kyle, guilt that his life will change, guilt that I cannot possibly a) give him all my love and attention as I have, and b)won't be able to devote all my love and attention to baby #2 like I did with Kyle.

These feelings are probably normal but it hurts that I won't be able to give baby #2 the same equal devotion that Kyle got and that my Kyle will also loose out to a certain degree.

So far... better...

I had toast and coffee this morning - which I guess doesn't sustain me enough thus the icky yucky feeling. I was treated this morning to a muffin at 8:30 - it was yummy, and I felt okay. Then at 10am I needed crackers, helped for all of 10 minutes, then now I had a light lunch (quiche) at 10:45 and feel better. That should last me until 11:30-12 when we go to lunch and I'll get myself a soup.

It's difficult to eat all the time. I don't have many snacks that I like, and spending just under 10$ a week on muffins, soup, salads adds up quickly. I guess I just have to do this in the meantime.

Maybe I wasn't getting enough nutrition for this baby - demanding little thing!

This is crazy, I feel like I hardly have time to give Kyle a proper update while sitting here and thinking I have to try to record baby #2. Insane. I'm never going to have enough time for 2 kids let alone 4. 3 kids this weekend was nuts. I didn't even get a chance to talk with the older 2 since we ran after Kyle all day. I guess it really doesn't help that talking to the older ones is like pulling teeth. James spends his days locked up in his room reading, very anti-social. Melyssa...well ... it's very tough with her asthma, it drives us up the bloody wall (and back down the other side). We decided to do the basement, and decided to put her in the basement, she doesn't know it yet, but one day she'll come over and we'll move her stuff down.

Somebody also suggested that we make a no-play-in-your-room rule. Think about it, you must play downstairs. The only reason you go in the room is to sleep. It would atleast have them stick around and for Kyle's sake he'll get to see them. I think I'm also going to put it a reading time rule, you can read for x hours a day, while he naps, when you wake up and before bed, but when everyone is playing, get your nose out of that book! ARGH!

Oh ya...this is supposed to be about me. Me and my waist. My expanding waist that required Mike's jeans all weekend because my hips have expanded. I know for a fact as it's been very painful having everything re-align itself, very painful sleeps and constant aching of my hips and joints.

Oh, I got a small visit from a certain fairy.

So all this to say, I'm out of pants, I only have 1 pair that fit me, I need my maternity stuff back from karine sooner rather than later.

I'm also feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better. Eating constantly has alleviated all tummy troubles, so has Tums.

I can't believe how tired I get though, I also feel very discouraged about handling 2 kids and really feeling frustrated that my daycare lady didn't tell me things Kyle does. To let him play pinch or play hit...just pisses me right off. I'm very strict and that goes COMPLETELY against how I want to raise him. Sometimes I just wonder if I should just stay at home with him so he can be raised according to my rules and my standards. sigh.... it's tough.

Saw an awesome commercial last night....it was awesome for us anyways because we tend to sing Kyle to sleep with x-mas songs even in June...mainly Silent Night. So Pampers has a new commercial showing dozens of sleeping babies doing cute sleeping baby stuff (nose wiggles and twitches) with a great soft version of the song, ending with Peace on Earth. Actually made me cry.

I'm in a surprisingly good mood considering the circumstances. Went to bed past 11pm last night, I had a training for the Breast Feeding Support group I belong to. I'm VERY tired that I didn't even hear the alarm go on for 20 minutes.

But I'm in a good mood! I guess it's also because I got a few minutes of nice time with Kyle this morning, he was in a really good mood as well. I even stole a kiss from him, usually he wiggles and runs away before I can plant one on him. ... Funny I never had to chase a man for a kiss before Kyle! :)

I'm on day 3 with same and only pair of pants....

Going to go for my morning muffin now.

So I told my boss, she was THRILLED for me! Me: "So I take it my contract won't be terminated then?"

"NO! We'll make it work out for you, I have to talk to our big boss, and things should work out to keep you until April or May, whatever you want."

Me: *takes my first breath since 1 hour ago*

I so blessed to be surrounded with people who care about me.

Good Day. For those who have asked, thanks! I've been feeling MUCH better recently. Outside of a growing tummy/hips, I had gotten to my 6-7 pants, today I'm wearing a loose fitting size 9-10. Loose is good. :) I tried a size 8 and it wasn't bearable! So this size will hopefully hold out for a while. This morning I put on my new bra and Mike just about tripped over when he saw me. I think he said something close to "Holy cleavage Batman!" :)

So I changed, I guess I don't need a push up bra at this point in my life!

We've been name searching, not too long, but intense. I've been getting signs for 2-3 weeks and I just couldn't clue in to what the name was. I clued in this morning and Mike and I are blissfully happy and excited. Like I explained to him (we did bicker and annoy each other) granted we waited to name Kyle Ethan until the very end, but I had no PUSH to find a name. When the time was right we got one. Apparently this little sucker wanted a name sooner rather than later! :)

I'm so happy I'm feeling better. Even if it's just temporary relief from aches, pains and nausea, it's nice to feel normal.

Much to update on...in brief...there was many emails exchanged.

I'm worn out. So much for minimizing stress. Remember those couple of tears, many more apparently wanted out today. (Fantastic timing). After spending much time in bathroom, I feel better. Even though nothing is advancing or confirmed I feel at peace - just needed a good cry.

Am looking forward to picking up our car tonight. Am also looking forward for some time alone.

Nuts....not as in nuts, but ... nuts! :)

Yes we are all very quacky today. Not just afternoon quacky on a friday, but all day quaky! And not quaky like a duck ... but just quaky!

The week took a toll on everyone it seems, it began monday morning and hasn't let up. So we are being extra...quaky and letting out our frustrations.

I'm also getting work done and have accomplished more in 1 day than I have in 2 weeks. Scary thought what how emotionsal dumps get you down.

And I had pickles at lunch, in fact my friend took extra pickles and gave them to me. Now on any other day people would just know I love my pickles...but today I got the "ah ha...look WHO is eating PICKLES...the pregnant one". Ordinarily I would be grumpy at being pegged with attention, but I'm learning to accept it since most is done with nice intentions (well except those from certain people who just tell me I'm getting fat ... and ugly and should not eat that piece of cake) OOPS I rambled.

Oh I simply cannot go on having weekends like this. At this rate I'm going to fall in a random corner and not get up any more. I may stay there until a stranger sees me and feels obliged to help and find out where I live and bring me home.

I cannot care for 3 kids, clean and pick up 3 floors of a house continually (because I have 4 others that sabotage my efforts by leaving things out AFTER I pick up), entertain my mother, make Lunch, Supper, Coffee, and Afternoon Snacks for 7 people, run errands, meet with a landscaper for an estimate of our driveway, decorate for x-mas, and then to top it all off - have to give my opinion on the renovations that in the end turns in to arguments at the end of 3 continuous days of above mentioned list.

Don't get me wrong, Mike was around, just renovating with my father but the rest of the house had to keep on running. Then having a mother call you at 8:30 on saturday morning saying that my house better be clean by the time she comes over...and having her get there to change her story and say "oh dear I was going to help you clean because I NEVER imagined you could get it all done". It got done, it almost killed me, my back hurt I was sweaty and so attractive, I hadn't brushed my hair, I was still in my PJs at 4pm and then I have a kid ask "why do you get to stay in your PJs and we had to get dressed? And when are we having supper? You know Tally, you promised to play Nintendo and you never do" Fantastic, so I showed them my list 3 miles long of things to do and tell them they once they contribute more and stop being so slobby and dropping things on the floor maybe then I can have quiet time - but at that point I think I snapped because I also went on to say that they don't even appreciate the fact their hair is brushed and they are clean and dressed while it's time to make supper and I'm grungy and haven't had time to pee nor take a 2nd sip of my morning coffee that's still sitting on the counter.

I need a weekend alone. Forget that, I need a day to sleep. Because on top of all that I'm building another baby which if ANYONE noticed TAKES A LOT OF DAMN EFFORT!

Oh ... and Kyle had a fever all evening and night and thus woke up crying every so often...poor little guy. So add a grumpy, clingy little boy to the mix.

Amazing what 1 new pair of pants does to a woman! Their new, their comfortable and they make my week! (and make my a$$ look great)! I also got the chance to pick up 2 gifts for x-mas! This also makes me happy and takes some pressure off. I also just realized that I must take the time to write up x-mas cards...I'll try to do them during the week. Kyle likes to look at all the Santa pictures and go "Ho Ho Ho". It's really fun to integrate him in our holiday traditions.

I did something very uncharacteristic of me...I went home at noon yesterday and slept 3 hours straight. In my bed, with my soft blankets, I slept the afternoon away and didn't feel an inkling of guilt. I didn't think I was *that* tired. Good thing too because I ended up having a girls night out of sorts and talking WAY too much and getting to bed way too late.

Told work that Kyle had a fever - which was a somewhat fib - he HAD a fever but was better yesterday afternoon. I can't afford to tell them that baby#2 is getting me tired. Not yet. They are in the process of negotiating a possible extention to my contract. I can't seem weak and unable to work.

All in all - a very nice (and needed) evening out to decompress (again I didn't think I needed it *THAT* badly) an very needed afternoon of sleep, and a successful shopping run! Yay!

Random....

I was complimented "t'est tellement belle aujourd'hui" by a very nice woman. Must be the pants! I forgot to mention that they are 'belly hiding pants' HA! Karine could attest that my baby bump almost disappeared when I put them on....oh and I apparently have an ass in them - vs not having one!

I have a written confirm that my contract is to be extended for a year - still to be approved. This is good news. This is reassuring. My job will change, but I will be working, I will be getting paid. Verbally I was told I can stay until whenever I feel is best. Again this is nice and reassuring. I can plan, I can forecast, I can budget!

Sitting at work yesterday I passed my hand through my hair near the back of my neck and my knees buckled at the pain.

I had this bump/lump/swollen something that just emerged like I got hit in the head with a baseball bat. Add the headache to the equation and I began to worry. I thankfully got an appointment this morning to get checked out.

BUT WAIT! Twist #2 in the evening, I had a 3 1/2 hour training at the CLSC and didn't feel too hot, exhausted, sick and this nagging cramp. I stuck it out way longer than I should have and made my way home. I literally stepped into the house and doubled over in pain from the cramp that seized. I can take pain, I can even ignore pain and pretend it's not there, but when I can't even move my legs and I'm doubled over and there's no way for me to get anywhere by myself...I know there's a problem. It scared the by-jibbers out of Mike, this stabbing pain cramp lasted quite some time but getting nestled in bed helped. I thought appendicitis -but no other symptoms, I thought miscarriage, but no spotting.

Doctor says, it's both are muscular. As for cramps - told me to take it easy.

Awesome sunrise this morning, pink and orange and yellow hues through the haze, absolutely stunning!

Made me forget all about my bobos. Even 2 hot bathes later, a bunch of pillows nothing helped. Even though I slept well enough I still woke up "magané" in proper québecois.

My list of accomplishments last night, not much, didn't even get to those x-mas cards. I did think about them but I really rather spend my time with my adorable son, who was up way too late babbling adorably in his bed talking to his puppies.

Oh ya! I did annoy/irritate Mike to the point that he went to store just to shut me up because I (uhm...not me...the baby) was craving salt & vinegar chips. :) That was after craving cupcakes...with icing. Of course we didn't have any, so I satisfied it with a spoonful of icing. :)

Ah...all those empty calories going straight into my belly! That and I keep forgetting my vitamins, I don't know how bad that can be!

Real life interrupt: I have an annoying twitch in my right ass cheek.

I have a cute little baby bump now. Well...I think it's cute!

I won the Thyme Maternity contest of 25$!!! So even if they over charged me with my pants...I scored myself ... uhm...half a bra? Half a shirt, definately a pant leg!! :)

I had a wonderful quiche for dinner last night (was preceeded by snacking on peanut butter on crackers to make it until supper) and proceeded with Mike's craving of BBQ chips. (I'd swear he was pregnant!) I knew I should have stopped with my final glass of milk and not touched the chips...but seriously, all cozy on the couch, ready to settle in for the evening and my hubby opens fresh bag of chips...I don't have self control to not take 1...or 23. Result - heartburn from hell.

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Did I mention I've got the grumps?

What an amazing day yesterday. On the flip side I realized how foolish and stupid I was for putting up with the service (or lack of it) when I was pregnant with Kyle.

I was in and out of the clinic in under an hour. In that hour I was seen 3 times by 3 different people. I was weighed (on an accurate scale!) I was treated politely, quickly and thoroughly. I was given plenty of documentation, plus a birthing plan to fill out! Even arranged most of my appointments! Oh did I mention I had a checkup and seperate bloodtests taken all in that time frame. The doctor was fantastic, she was so nice, the checkup wasn't uncomfortable...or painful. The blood tests did not hurt either! She was courteous, even spoke to Mike and asked him directly if he had any questions.

They were ALL very polite. There was parking, there was no sick people, we didn't die of stuffiness, there was no waiting for 15 minutes for a ratty elevator, there was no bitchy secretary, no seperate line ups for the blood tests, the bathroom door wasn't broken, nor was the toilet. Oh and the ultimate, we didn't wait 6 hours to see the doctor.

We heard the little heartbeat...which ... well... bothered me. Why you wonder...it was, slow. A very slow beat. Not the usual and expected rapid heartbeat, but a very slow beat. This makes me nervous. So I'm really looking forward to Tuesday to getting the ultrasound to ensure all is okay, because, I'm a little worried.

The experience though of going there was absolutely wonderful.

The doctor would have said something to us if the heartbeat was too low right?

UPDATE: Spoke to nurse, she said they surprisingly get that remark often and not to worry, she was very kind and reassuring that should there have been a problem the doctor would have called for an ultrasound immediately. Apparently size of the baby, sex of the baby even just the position the baby was in, or maybe I'm not at 12 weeks like we think but maybe less...or more. All that will be determined on tuesday.

Baby 2 News

"We know it's early...but can you make an educated guess as to the gender?" ... within seconds "Wiggles" had it's fist on it's forehead "Dear God what is wrong with those retarded parents of mine, again they are asking! What kind of family am I getting myself into!?!"

Baby 2

According to the technician, the measurements were very very positive, we saw 2 legs, 2 arms, 1 small strong beating heart, the brain, it's stomach and bladder, even watched the baby "eat supper" swallow quite a number of times and even the technician was "really" impressed. The only thing she said was in regards to "Wiggles" and after finding out how much Kyle moved/moves - she said we'll have a very hectic and bussling household of kids!

The nuchal layer was 1.41 (something small measurement) and my due date was advanced by a few days (give or take 5 days) so putting me right back to where we thought around June 17-22.

The finger blood test was funny, my hand didn't want to cooperate with the nurse, I had this flight response that even I couldn't control, she would hold my hand and it would zip away from from her. I wasn't afraid, it seemed to be. It had us all laughing (and I was semi-embarrased) at this weird reaction.

So it's all done for now, next slew of appointments are in January.

I must say it's been so nice feeling the baby move and kick me. It's not as powerful yet as Kyle got to be so I'm enjoying the gentle kicks and turns that I already feel. Heck even mike lay on the bed last night and with his hand felt the baby move. Can you believe only 13 weeks and I feel it!? It started about 2 weeks ago when i got a definate tap tap when I was listening to K.T Tunstall "Black horse and a cherry tree". I know, no one would believe even feeling baby at 11 weeks, but guess what, holding Kyle today in my arms, baby must have gotten squished and poked me hard enough to move Kyle up, yes...it seems that "Wiggles" is already defending itself!

Much better. 12 hours of sleep will help. I passed out at 6:30ish last night, until 6:15 this morning. I was woken up at 4am with Kyle coughing, but he slept through it. God knows we weren't going to try to help to only wake him up, not after 4 days of not sleeping.

Had a PB&J sandwich for lunch. The girl behind me is eating steak.

Somebody dared calling me grumpy today, I almost tore them a new @$$ h0!e.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm sick of being sick.

That my friends was a nothing post.

REAL LIFE INTERRUPT: Mom is giving me complete shit for being bitchy, stressed and completely wound up. She's currently threatening to kick me, send me to my room, get my father on me if I dare bring my attitude and grumps to Christmas supper.....oh she used the hormones line....grrr...

Good snowy morning to you all. Not much time to type so down to business, Kyle is great, having trouble with his last tooth, dreaded molar that had pierced...but decided to go back in just to cause us double the headaches. Drooling, finger chewing, lack of appetite (despite ravaging our Kiwi stock in the fridge!)

We (Mike and Pa) got lots done in the basement, almost finished completely putting up the walls. Looking really nice! They've done a heck of a job, it's not just 1 room their working on, turns out it's like 4, the way it's divided, 2 doors, a closet, a storage space, a reading area, a bedroom, and a living room. One heck of a job!

Kyle's vocabulary has increased tremendously to include (some might be repeated from previously)tree, pomme, merci, please, moon, cheese, tasty, cookie, morning, babe, one-deux-three (that's a funny one!) and my favorite, fiesty! Counting is funny since it changes, un or one, deux or two, three but it's more like tree.

He's basically repeating random words, and repeat. He sings the ABCs... not the words but the tones, and frosty the snowman. In the toilet training department, we haven't begun, but he tells us what he's doing before or during he does it. So really all we need to do is encourage it, but here comes the lack of time on our behalf. I love the fact that he has the patience (some times) to try to explain to me what he wants. I'll sit there eye to eye with him and tell him to explain, I really try my best of understand, and in the end we figure something out, but he stands in front of me and just talks and points. It's just so charming that he tries so hard. OH THE BEST moment was him playing this weekend, grabbing the empty box from the computer, taking the foam, sitting in it and driving and pretending it's his car. Completely lost in his world of cars and cardboard and foam. I love the fact he thought of it on his own, without us even mentioning it to him! Never ceases to amaze us.

Casey turned 3 on Friday and is still my puppy, Mike lost an uncle this weekend, funeral sometime this week.

I'm out of bras, we set up our computer at home given the other is...fried. I've gained much weight in the past month, I'm sure I'll be advised on thursday at the doctors. Considering though I didn't gain any in the first 3 months...well..it's still quite a leap! I'm thinking I'll be having a girl this time, sometimes I'm convinced it's a boy since it really resembles what I felt like with Kyle, but I'm carrying higher this time (not that I could get much lower with Kyle). But to be honest, I have no clue what I'm having, I'm just guessing. And most people I talk to also have changed their mind. Convinced it was a girl, now think it's a boy, go back to thinking it's a girl...ack. Here's a funny fact in June next year wouldn't it be great if I gave birth on the BLUE MOON! Full moon for Kyle and BLUE MOON this time! The only thing is that it puts me a week past my due date.

Work is good, keeping me busy. In fact...that's where I have to go back to now!

Not in any mood.

Not true, I'm so aggravated at spending over 5 hours in traffic in 2 trips. 5 hours. 5 hours to technically get to work and back. 3 hours last night, 2 hours this morning. I still have to get home tonight.

I'm in NO mood of even getting close to my car, let alone drive anywhere. I'm in no mood to be talked to, make small chit chat, I want to be left alone. I should have stayed home. I think the kicker was hearing the radio announcer say in the last news cast before I got out of the car this morning "well folks, if you could stay home today you might as well and save 3 hours of your life this morning".

Thanks. This is after I wasted 2 hours and I was driving up to my destination. I was tempted on just turning right back around.

Now I have a meeting, let's see how the next few minutes unfold.

grumbles...you don't even know how my next few minutes developed.

But put it this way, I was going to go home, I had my jacket to leave, when it dawned on me that I had to get back in my car and find a way back home through traffic...

yes I was traumatised...I took my jacket off and stayed to let the shit fall on my head from work. I rather take the shit than get back into the car.

Baby #2 is good, Mommy twice over is good.

There was a twinkle in the doctor's eye when she counted the heartbeat, I glimpsed a moment, then she asked if I already had a boy or a girl, when I answered, she barely made any response, but there was a twitch and a nod of the head. What does that nod mean?! Not to matter, I will find out in 2 weeks at the ultrasound. I can't believe it's already here, the 20 week mark! It flies by, or blies fly like I first wrote.

I weighed in, 9lbs more than 7 weeks ago. But overall, 9lbs gain from my pre-pregnancy weight so I really don't care, I popped, nothing more to say.

Got into work at 8:45 this morning, sucks. Left the house at 6:50am.

I had loads of me time this weekend, Mike ensured I got lots of time to Sim2 away. Much fun. Felt good.

Happy 1 and half birthday to our boy Kyle who's new vocabulary is clown (but in french), pantalon, tuna, de l'eau. He recognizes all the Seasame street characters now, as well as some disney ones. He knows the colour blue and yellow (and how to say it) and can match up things of the same color (that I think is the coolest things!) This weekend was also the re-forcing of the sippy cup during the day and limiting the bottles. I put away all the 9oz bottles, and he's drinking rather well. It was all in the timing, by last night he drank most of his liquids with his meals and only a small 4oz bottle at bedtime (still a comfort thing). This transition was easier than last and hopefully he'll stick to it during the week, today is the first time at the daycare that he won't have bottles so I'm hoping for her sake he's cooperative.

We had a fantastic time watching Elmo in Grouchland over the weekend and seeing Kyle's eyes light up. It's wonderful seeing magic and wonder in your child's eyes.

He's just really the most adorable thing in the world. We haven't told him or even mentioned the new baby, in fact it bothers us when others tell him that he'll be a big boy and no longer the baby. In a few months when we get closer then we'll introduce the notion of baby, but it's VERY important to us to not bump him up or have him think we're replacing him with a new baby. Just because Mike and I decided to have a baby, does NOT force him to grow up, he'll still stay my baby. Having a cup was about time for him to change, but I won't force him to a big bed until I feel he's ready - and between you and me, keeping ,my active toddler in a crib is the best thing right now, it keeps him safe (and us reassured).

For now that is all! Kyle has his 18 month appointment this week, and I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks. For now though our little family is doing well.

I got more me time last night, but unfortunately BabyTwo is really low lately and bothering my hip joints and giving me the oh-so-wonderful sciatic nerve pinch that send excruiating pain down my legs. Even now sitting at my desk I feel baby movements very low below. Yet I woke up feeling it was a girl today and they tend to be up higher (supposedly). Boy yesterday, girl today. Who knows! I also forget to mentioned that my "muscle loosening hormones" are raging through my body and I really hurt my hip on Saturday that I was completely couch bound for 2 full days. That injury hasn't healed completely so usually at the end of a long day like yesterday, I found myself back on the couch. This stage of pregnancy should pass soon!

In other news, we've invited our mothers to the clinic in 2 weeks for the ultrasound. It was a last minute decision, but Mike's mom has never had one or seen one in her entire life (even with 3 kids). Since this one will be 3D we figured our mothers would truly appreciate this rare occassion. That and they'll be there to find out if it's a girl or boy! I think I know what it is though....

Got up this morning for 1 reason only...if I got up meant I'd be one step closer to getting back to bed tonight. Pathetic.

I had a sweet craving, now my tummy hurts...I ate TOO many gummy bears...I saved the best color for last and I can't even finish them. :(

I'm in the process of writing long hand to babytwo. Since typing isn't realistic, and taking the time during the day, I'll write in on paper and get back to it in my free moments.

Casey got a fur trim this weekend, the guys finished a huge part of the basement and allows us to begin the plastering, and...I'm so tired I barely remember.

I have a fleeting headache...it comes and goes...and comes....and goes....and comes...Very tiring. Even despite my WONDERFUL sleep last night, I slept so well that a 4am I was wide awake and ready for work! I ignored that fact and took advantage of 2 more wonderful hours of restful/peaceful sleep. Even Kyle was quiet overnight!

I finished writing that letter, it's not as poetic and sweet as the ones I wrote to Kyle, more matter of the fact. I think it comes along with the territory. Being a mother already I don't have questions or much dreaming time, because I know the reality of what a baby is. Not that a new baby it isn't all sugar and spice and everything nice, I just wonder about different things like, how Kyle will adapt, how and what BabyToo (I decided on BabyToo instead of Two for all my other existing "babies") will bring to our family.

Also I put it in my head I won't be splitting my time, and neither of them will loose out on my time, but instead they will share me and we will be a family together.

Headache is back...

Flutter by baby! Wow light little flutters in my tummy!

I have been dreaming very vivid dreams about my babies, in fact in my dreams I can feel and remember the baby move like Kyle did, it's so realistic that wake up thinking the baby completely flipped! My other dreams are mainly Mike and I standing up to 2 certain people and defending our family and what we have worked so hard to build.

Lots of baby dreams, none showing me boy or girl (it always changes night to night) and I definately don't have a name yet!

I miss not feeling the baby, as much as I was glad when Kyle was born I felt empty and alone, now that I'm pregnant again I'm happy to be 'accompanied' throughout my day!

I had the most horrible day yesterday...things kept going from bad, to worse, to worse....and when things couldn't get worse...they did. It's been a long time since I wasn't able to pick up Kyle because I could leave. Even when I left I got in the car, headed for the Champlain bridge, my empty gas light went on, and within seconds my empty windshield washer light flashed on. sighs...I got off at the exit, only to find that the exit was closed for contruction, that I couldn't turn right, then that I could turn in the gas station from that side of the street.

I just wanted to be home in my husband's arms.

I never did get that supper, I never bought the ingredients, but thankfully my husband made me a hot supper despite me insisting cereal would be fine. I cried and cried all the way home, I felt like everyone hated me like I was the loneliest person in the world. All I kept thinking is how lucky I am to have my best friend, my husband who loves me unconditionally and could just hold me. I felt like I had no friends in the world.

I cried when I got home to my son who was looking for me, because he was proud of the car he built with his Legos. I cried when he came running for me hugs and kisses.

The thing I felt so guilty was that during the stress of the day I forgot how important I was in Kyle's life, I forgot about him, about his needs. I got completely caught up in the stress and I hate myself for it.

I'm at home today, with a sicky, whiny boy. In fact he's been pretty good. He just had an awful night coughing and crying all night from 1am on. He was fighting off a very mild fever for 2 days, it broke last night but I still didn't want to chance it. His caregiver was going to have 6 kids today in total, I didn't want to risk a)spreading a cold b)having him be cranky and clingy with her - just wouldn't be fair to her.

Despite really having to work today (huge projects being launched and I was to be there) I had to take a moment and think - my family, my boy is the most important thing to me, in the long run will I ever remember why I went to work, probably not, but I would remember that my boy needed me to hold him and snuggle him and I left him. My primary job is a mother, I didn't bring him into this world to leave him when he needs me most.

That being said, we had a lovely morning, folded clothes, picked up the house, played lots of legos and trucks, took half hour and read to him while he snuggled into my lap, we watched Sesame Street and CBC kids, had a nice breakfast and lunch date together. All in all it was a nice day. The pace is much slower than I remember and I might not be able to get much done, but the fact I was able to do some is great!

Now I've surfed a bit, I'm going to continue putzing around the house doing odd jobs here and there. :) then maybe at 2ish I'll take a little nap myself! I can't wait for mat leave! :)

After literally clicking post, Kyle woke up just bawling - as in I'm so tired, I want to sleep, but not alone today.

Instead of forcing the issue of him sleeping in his bed, I knew full well that it was a "I so don't feel good, can you hold me cry" and if I insisted he would loose out on his nap that he needed to fell better. SO I rocked him... from 1:45 until 3:45 when I woke up with a baby finger up my nose. He had woken up (obviously feeling better) and was smiling/laughing that Mama had fallen asleep with him, with a stuffed cow squeezed in between my head and the chair to support my neck. We had 3 blankets on us, my feet on a horse, a cow in my neck and a little boy laughing at me. My job was done as a mother, my son felt better. He got up, left a drool and sweat mark on my arm and shirt, my arm was completly numb BUT he was better.

We had a snack, cuddled, watched Bert doing the pigeon dance maybe about 15 times, and played. So really my chores didn't get done BUT I wasn't home for that, I was home to care for him. By supper time he ate it all up, was pleased and extremely well behaved for his grandparents who missed him fiercly after a week that they insisted on seeing their preferred (and thus far) ONLY grandchild on a monday night!

I love my man more than anything in the world. I think cupid went around with arrows a few weeks early because we both got shot with the love bug. All googly eyed and all!

:) Wow, you've waited all so patiently (except alexisbean who I hear yelling all the way from the west coast at me!!!)

I've written a long letter to my baby, it's not ready to be posted because I've had to take so many pee breaks and cried way too often (yes I'm a blubbering mommy right now)...uhmm...okay all day then! So the letter isn't done. There isn't a spectacular announcement either...there are pictures on my website under "ultrasounds" www.theladyofthelake.org

They are indeed very scary cool. Let's just say I don't know why we peek in to a half baked bun...it's a bun, but not all there yet! :) Give it time to fluff out! Even at that I have to say that our little girl is looking like a good mix of Mike and I thus far!! :)

Yup! We're having a baby girl!!!

I have SOOOOO much to write about and not enough hours today. Mike and I are fighting off a nasty cold, trying to help Kyle through his cold and crankiness so I really haven't had much time to sit and contemplate how I feel. But rest assured, I will update you all and take some me time to cherish this special moment! We are thrilled! This change is keeping me on my toes in a good way! I'm actually *really* excited about having a girl - for those who know me - well let me tell you that I'm starting to dream of fairy tales and butterflies in pretty girl colours. I KNOW!! ME!!! The so NOT froo-froo girly girl that I am!! :)

Ack!! I seriously am going to pee on this chair!!! Gotta run!

Oh for those who want a sneak peek check out the Ultrasound page!

I'm sick. I've been sick a week now. I'm not getting better. I can't take anything. I was desperate and took 1 advil cold and sinus (despite pregnant woman warning) it helped my day. I've taken tylenol. That stuff doesn't work for what I have. It's stuck in my chest. Vitamin C and tea can only get me so far.

I'm having a girl. Wow. It's still not sinking in yet. I have to give a big shout out to alexisbean who's insight is so valuable. I wish I can pick up the phone and call...but it might cost us big time long distance charges! Boys make you swoon, girls you melt. I am so looking forward to melting. Yes baby girl clothes is always welcomed!

Was sick all weekend, thankfully wonderful husband took care of Kyle and I, even despite being sick himself. Had lovely evening with Luanna last night, even got a beautiful painting! It's going to look spectacular on our wall! Oh and the bear is the softest cuddliest thing ever!

Kyle has acquired more words, mainly in french this weekend, assis, bedine, un autre, encore, okay, red and blue he's saying more frequently, yellow and purple are by far his favorite! Ice cream but only at the store, star, down, Ernie and Bert (together) and he's giving Casey orders like "Casey Go", "Casey assis", poor dog looks up at us in disbelief that she has to listen to the baby that came AFTER her! :)

Most nights he'll search for the moon, he'll find the stars instead and we'll sit there and point. Occassionally he gets uber excited until I tell him the moving star is a plane! It's hilarious. Another priceless moment was my father in law saying 'bon appetito' and Kyle replied in a loud clear voice, "Appetito, Amen!" It had us rolling on the floor. That night when my parents were over we tried to have him say Bon Appetit again, but as we said it, instead of repeating he replied with "Amen!" But in such an intonation it sounded like "amen to that mom, did you see that food, it looks great!"

I'm just so tired today. Going to bed past 11:30 doesn't help the cause, but I can't always be in bed at 8pm, I feel too old. I still need a life!

still grumpy...but baby is bouncing away in my tummy. Very low like Kyle, I so missed the wiggles and bumps and gurgles that come with pregnancy.

In fact I've felt baby quite often today, it's almost like she's trying to bring my head back to the important things in life, her and my boys! I have a meeting at until 2, I'll see if I can manage to get out. I have work but am so miserable.

My cold seems to be clearing, but the process of clearing a cold isn't the most attractive thing, especially with 4 people within 15 feet of you. No damn privacy to cough up a lung if I have to.

Wiggle wiggle, there she goes again. I love the fact that almost every night now Mike can feel the baby kick him. Doing quite the exercise routine in there I tell you!

Ugh, work is dragging me down today.

Can I curl up under my desk and hide...maybe fall asleep forever, only to be awoken by my prince who will come save me and bring me home. What world am I living in. I'll have to go to that damn meeting, I'll have to do my work and I'll have to drive my ars home.

Happy Valentine's Day to all, I was spoiled with 3 lovely cards, all very touching, especially having my son hand me a card and sit on me while I read it. He seemed so pleased with himself! :)

HA! I just finally found the meaning of the name of the baby and turns out (coincident) it has the SAME meaning as Kyle's! Very cool! When we discovered our baby's name I couldn't for the life of me find the meaning, until today I randomly searched and boom! Kyle Ethan means Handsome, Strong and Firm, while .... means good-looking and womanly!

happy sigh ... I love our baby name... not telling it though. Mike has me completely hushed until the baby is born. BUT until then I can bask in happiness of finding a great name! :)

Middle name though...we have one in mind, but it's not as certain as the other one.

Oh for those wondering I'm home, sick. In fact very sick, never quite got over that first cold, was almost through it yesterday morning until at 10am I got hit with another severe sore throat. Twice as bad as the first time 10 days ago. I barely slept, I thought my throat was on fire, my head was throbbing and I was so congested and almost coughed up a lovely lung. I was so gone that last night my loving husband took the time to make me a tea, but I basically passed out and never even took a sip. Poor guy felt stood up. When I woke up miserable at 11pm he so kindly made me another one before he went to bed.

So today I'm home hoping to recuperate, get over this bug, rest and have lots of fluids. Having the snow storm was also another hurdle that especially feeling as horrible as I do, I couldn't bear the thought of commuting for 5 hours today. Being in my pjs, with the fireplace on, watching it snow is exactly the kind of day my body has been begging for.

Bouncy bouncy in my tummy the baby is wide awake and lovingly poking her Mommy! I so missed these feelings!! It was especially special opening a valentine's day card this morning from her while she bounced around. She is reminding me more and more of Kyle. The soft flutters are no longer and these are full fledge pokes accompanied by the occasional kick!

my tummy hurts...it's been so-so for 2 days...I think ... no I'm pretty sure the gastro finally caught me.

I'm a grumpy one...mr. grinch.

I was sleeping..not good sleeping, hacking up a lung. But sleeping nonetheless. I was far far away in another world when the world suddenly acquired a phone, and it rang incessantly in my ear. ARGH!! WHO CALLS AT 3:10 - WHAT DOES A SICK PERSON DO AT 3:10....they SLEEP!!!

My mother seems to forget this fucking fact EVERY SINGLE TIME I'M HOME SICK!!! RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR . DO YOU SEE ME NOW? DO I LOOK ALL LOVEY DOVEY VALENTINE'S DAY SAPPY??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY??????????? BECAUSE I WAS WOKEN UP, AND I FELL LIKE I LEFT A LUNG ON MY PILLOW!!!

I will go drink my tea now. I will pout, be annoyed at the neighbour who's snowblower is TOO LOUD and kept me from falling back to sleep.

Then I will go find chocolate of any sort.

whimpers... (warning whiny post down below)

I'm sick of being sick...I've acquired a nice looking green hue to my skin. I've also acquired random gastro-intestinal cramps which feel like I'm going into labour. I know I'm not, but the feeling is quite similar. Then again it's followed by feeling of morning sickness.

ugh.

A nasty cold bug, times 2. Now this. I was really hoping to work tomorrow, I can't afford taking all this time off. And I have to apologize to anyone I saw in the past 2 weeks - I was apparently UBER-contagious. Sorry. I'm still suffering for it since I can't take anything and anyone who gets the cold part seems to be okay after 2 days of Advil Cold and Sinus.

I'm SO fed up of eating toast, soup and tea. Bleah. I guess I'll have to get dressed and pick up Kyle soon. What am I going to make for supper? sighs...

:) I've got my energy back! Energy! WOW!! Nice to have after 2 weeks!

Wow! Energy to take a bath *and* get dressed! Energy to change my clothes! Energy to empty dishwasher and pick up around the house! Wooohoooo!

Energy! Wow! What a difference a day makes!

Nice to be doing something, in fact having that time let me relax and come in to work relaxed. Ahh..I think the pressure was getting to me earlier last week.

On the flip side, I was offered a renewal of my contract. My boss said he thought of 6 months, but I was completely taken off guard since I had gotten the impression that my last day would be march 31st. He asked me to define now the time I'd be willing/able to work.

So I'm thinking, I was looking forward to end of March despite me being 28 weeks pregnant and it being a little early to stop working.

He didn't say it was confirmed that he could extend it, but he said he would try. So...do I accept end of march...or do I ask for an extention until end of april, maybe mid may?

I may ask and not get it, but I am worried of the increasing fatigue I have from this travelling. I don't want to drain myself out either. I really don't know what it will be like at that point.

Financially, ofcourse we would benefit of the extra weeks of income, who wouldn't! Especially at a time when there will be a few major purchases to make (not as many as with Kyle, but still some to consider). Maybe I should make the jump and purchase the things now as opposed to waiting...then again I'm stuggling to pay off my Visa - and that's just not like me, but having to take days off here and there and everywhere for random reasons, well it affects my take home pay! There hasn't been 1 week that I worked in full in about 6. So really the extra dough would help. Is it a small sacrifice to pay for our comfort? My financial comfort for the next year? If I don't put full weeks I don't gain any ground.

So I guess where this rambling is getting me to, is that I have to try to put in full weeks and days, despite doc appointments and mommy duties. That's the only way I'll get out of my mini-debt and make any head way to prepare for baby to come. I can't wait too long to give them an answer, so do I ask for an extra 6 weeks and hope they can make it happen? Versus, not having anything? I haven't even explored the possibility of finding a short contract job nearby, or is that not even worth it at this stage in the game. I guess not, the stress of a new job, even if short lived and close to home.

I wanted to write all about Kyle - he's sang himself to sleep yesterday, all the while saying Bravo after each verse to himself. Love my boy! Full of ego, confidence, he thinks he's the best thing since ice cream - which is another thing he says. Not that he eats it, but he knows what a cone looks like and then licks his lips. :)

My dog 2 nights ago ...picture this... -30C with windshield....what's the ONLY thing to NOT do outside on a cold day...answer: put your tongue on a piece of metal. Wasn't funny at the moment...but about 2 minutes after when the stress went away and the situation was under control, I was pissing myself laughing.

Baby last night made me have a giggle attack, I was in the bathtub and lying on my back my round pregnant tummy seemed to disappear leaving only a bump the size of a hand on the right side of my abdomen. I touch the bump and realize that it's ALL baby, and she's curled up lying on me. I softly rubbed her and within seconds a distinct limb (either an arm or leg) pushed right out of my tummy (something out of an alien movie). I was laughing, she was just there, on me, it's as if I wasn't really pregnant, just had a baby there. I just couldn't see her since my skin acted like a blanket. It was the weirdest but funniest thing. For that moment I couldn't understand why I felt so heavy and huge when the baby wss still so small and delicate.

I should also note that she's getting antsy on car rides, my trips into work are made much longer as she kicks and pushed against my pants and belt and makes it known she's not comfortable.

There was so much more about Kyle I had to write, things like him eating the dog food, OH and watching sesame street last night while I made pancakes he sat with his pop up toy (push a kind of button and it's like a jack in a box) all 5 buttons have different characters. Well he saw Ernie on TV, looked at the toy, thought for about 10 seconds, pressed the #2 button and up popped Ernie! He turned to the TV said "Ernie" pointed to the toy and said "Ernie". Not only did he associate the 2, he remembered that #2 had Ernie. Wow.

As much as he amazes us, he still has his moments, which now involve banging his head against the wall or throwing tantrums. Those are fun. Not. I have no patience for that.

New things he says, yogurt (but in a french way) ... you know what, he repeats pretty much anything we say now, it's not even 1 or 2 a day, sometimes it's 4-5 an hour of new random words. "Bath time", "teeth", he tells us when he has to go to the bathroom but won't do it on the toilet. Freezes up. Brushing his teeth is going SO SO well, we literally have no problems anymore, he sits there, opens his mouth and lets us brush first, then he'll finish up. Washing his hair isn't as much as a struggle either, he's getting used to putting his ears in the water and doesn't squirm when we're rinsing. He's hilarious though how he insists on "purple" lavender conditioner.

He's growing up so quickly and so wonderfully. Mike and I are simply amazed at our little boy, he does little boy things and are little boy cute. He starting to point at my belly and say baby, as well as knowing that on the DVD of the ultrasound or on the pictures he says baby. He also began saying 'baby kyle' when he sees pictures of himself, he knows the difference between a random baby or child, versus himself.

Oh and finally, he LOVES to talk on the phone. He doesn't just sit there and listen, he'll strike up a conversation, lately his favorite topics are the valentines day card with Winnie the pooh on on, and the other with the mommy cat and kitten (mama meow, baby meow in kyle's language) he talks about his nose, his trucks, what he ate, or if the tv is on what is on that like the firetrucks he saw yesterday. He says hi, gives kisses to the phone, and waves bye when he's done. So far he talks to grandpapa mainly, but has graced his social moments to his auntie Sylvie (whom he giggles at), his Nono and Nona and occassionaly allows his Omi to talk to him.

He's also very affectionate to Casey recently, he'll snuggle with her on the floor or in her bed, he'll just pet her so very softly and give her all the love in the world.

That's pretty much only part of what's new at the 19 month mark.

I had quite a wonderful weekend with my husband. I was treated to a sushi lunch on saturday, a cup of hot chocolate, 2 games of dirty scrabble (yes we play with dirty words), watched the series finale of Quantum Leap (very good!) Got to sleep in both days beyond the 7:30-8am mark. I guess I was exceptionally burnt from the week. Been suffering pregnancy aches and pains which get more pronounced with fatigue. All these weird things I never had with Kyle. I bought 3 bras, 2 very supportive soft tank tops/undershirts and 1 new shirt. Spent a damn fortune. Had nice company drop by, again unexpected, since I'm never told when my only sister comes to town. Had good wedding discussions, saw very pretty dresses too.

Eating is getting annoying, in fact I've realized I hardly eat. Hardly eat enough to sustain me in 'not pregnant' mode, let alone in 'creating human life inside me' mode. I have put on some weight, it's minimal, but I think still on target. I was 151 6 weeks ago, now I'm at 153. 2 lbs in 6 weeks in the 2nd trimester....

hmmm. Now that I write it down it seems a little low. But like I said I really have not been good about eating. For 2 reasons mainly. Indigestion. Eating any portion bigger than my fist gives me an upset tummy. So I eat tiny, but instead of eating often I forget to re-eat the leftovers. I tend to forget to eat, until it's way too late and I feel like my insides are crushing with hunger. Mike makes killer PB&J sandwiches in those crucial moments. The things I am eating are....healthy, so I can't really say I'm overindulging. I've behaved with St-Hubert, no late night ice cream, small bowls of cereal, a lot of soup (how much can you gain eating only soup!)

Drinking tons of water. No soft drinks, my morning coffee and butter toast is my breakfast.

I'll see what the dr says on thursday at my checkup. I should be fine, baby should be fine, she's kicking and wiggling as babies do! I think the difference is that you can see her move, you don't have to feel it to see my tummy poke out with a limb.

Now I'm making a small list of things I want to buy for Kyle for Easter. This weekend he ate breakfast with me at the table sitting in other chair. He held his milk and piece of toast while I ate, we sat and looked outside together while we ate and chatted. Moments like that calls for a booster seat and no longer his high chair.

Things like asking to go to the toilet, when he has to go, understanding the concept, but a) not sitting down for more than 3 seconds b)not being comfortable on his seat c)not having pull up's/downs make it difficult for him to get undressed. So I have to buy new diapers, buy underwear for him (I plan on having him wear them during the day on weekends) getting him an attachment on our toilet seat (instead of the individual potty). He wants to sit where we do but is afraid of falling in (fair enough with a cute bum that small)! Finally I think his gift from Mike and I will be a tricycle. I'll keep my eye out on it. It's spring time and the season is coming near!

Basement is advancing very well, Mike's doing an awesome job on the plastering (sure it's been pushed back but with good reason - he's working on 2 other writing projects) Once those finish (in 2 days) and he won't accept any more until post baby - then he'll devote it to finishing. Those projects are going to help fund our basement as well! Anyways, by next week it'll be completed, and then painting begins! I hope to have the basement ALL completed by the end of next month, so April and May we can focus on the baby's room, getting furniture and painting it. I would love to have that done by Mid-May, 1 month before baby, so I have time to organize the extras, seperate the clothes I need, etc... I want to feel settled soon...it's been too long.

Even though I must admit my house is clean and picked up because Mike has been working his butt off with me in keeping it feeling wonderful.

I'm home, it's not snowing as much as it's pelting ice. No fluffy snow, just miserable ice pretending to be snow just pelting my windows with full force that it's deafening at times. In fact you don't see it falling even, but as soon as the winds pick up - forget about it, it's like your stuck in an blender with ice chips.

As a result, I'm home. I got paid and still feel poor. I wanted to go to work today because it's really tight. I hate the beginning of the year, pay, pay, pay, pay, happy birthday, pay some more. I am on the 24th week of my pregnancy, I have 4 measly work weeks left (meaning only 4 pays) and I'm somewhat freaking. I am praying and hoping that my tax returns are nice to me this year. Hell, I'll even be thankful for breaking even.

I've been lounging in bed and wasted some brain cells on the TV and now I feel all cranky. I am home, I should be productive, I'm not sick, my son isn't here, it's quiet, why have I not done anything. I should at least go have breakfast at this point.

It may have to do with the grayness factor. I'll turn on some lights, get moving. If the roads didn't look so nasty I would go buy Quick Tax at Bureau en Gros, I would drop stuff off at Karine's, I would go out for lunch, go to the bank and pick up my son. But I feel STUCK!

Okay...Time to get out of my room and move around.

Finally the fluffy stuff is falling...and wow the amounts! It's already up to half my calf on the balcony outside with no sign of letting up! My dog has to jump and leap to find a place to pee!

I'm feeling better, I've cleaned, picked up, made supper for tonight, I think I may even bake later! I'm almost done scrap booking family stuff, catching up, writing love letters to baby. I've done loads of laundry, and the best of all the TV has been off, I'm not TV brain dead (I hate that feeling of going dumb), I even spoke to Karine to catch up! I've folded clothes, eaten breakfast (considering it's 2:30 I should eat lunch). So yay! I may also try to vacuum before Mike gets home! I'll have atleast an extra 45 minutes to me since he's coming home and picking up Kyle for me! I can avoid going out and keep being productive!!! YAY! Maybe...I'll take a quick shower too!

Gotta go, I have about 2 hours left and a lot of energy to spend!

If today is an indication on how the rest of the month will be, it's promising to be a long one. Long, and uber-tiring.

Blame it on whatever, my weekend was less than relaxing and ended off on a not so keener note. *hi hi hi* I tried to make keener pass as an acceptable scrabble word...and was refused. *giggles* I try! I'm very imaginative when it comes to scrabble, Mike gets quite a laugh at my attempts.

We now have 2 kids, 1 pre-teen in the house, 1 baby in mommy's belly house, 2 fish and a dog. Friday night and Saturday was BATH time, it took that long to wash EVERYONE, supervise everyone, the fish got a clean bowl, the dog got an oatmeal treatment. I was the last one to get some me time which was cut short by my parents coming over to mark Melyssa's 10th birthday. My dad mumbled something about "get dressed already, what are you doing washing at 1:30pm" and all I could do was laugh because it was the first time I had. Cake was made and iced, house clean, laundry done, groceries done, kids taken care of, long list of errands done, Mike went to get me my birthday gift that morning, got home, I took the car, loaded and picked up the day bed we're getting for the room downstairs, brought it home, Mike took off 5 minutes prior to go to our CLSC to get James' leg cleaned and wrapped up, I re-arranged Melyssa's room to accomodate the new bed. Had lunch, and this was all done with barely any sleep since at 4am we were both up caring for James who was in pain and was crying since his mother told him to suck it up and don't complain about the pain.

So briefly, the weekend was spent mending physical and emotional scars that the 2 kids have endured, and spending much time together as a family talking. We replaced reading time at night with bed-time talk time. Both kids are starving for affection and love and tenderness. Both have cried on various occassions, so Mike and I are giving, giving, giving. It's draining, but so worth it for their well-being. What comes around goes around.

It took some time for Kyle to get used to having 2 more in the house, but he's adapted. Kids do that! He's been talking and repeating, Melyssa has been called "Tata", he's been dancing and showing off acrobatic moves and doing shows for anyone who's there, he played with Melyssa's hair band and insisted on wearing it, to have his bangs in the air.

Oh ya, "Up please" and "please" is now consistently being used for pretty much everything. This makes me very happy. Now I'll focus on Merci! Come to think of it though, he did say "you welcome" at one point. This morning new word was plum. I also find he listens and understands in pretty much any language we speak to him, I've made it a habit of repeating myself in the opposite one so 'english to french' and 'french to english' but stopped when I see him doing what I want in either or.

1 month left...4 weeks, 20 days. Happy. I'm so tired. Baby is tasking and draining, she's so active and bouncing around just tires me out.

I need to find a baby sling.

Okay...now to brag about my husband! He's awesome, the basement is looking REALLY great! (Real life interrupt from his behalf: mumbling something about eating a dark chocolate Kit Kat) There is only 1 layer left of plastering to do and THEN he surprised me when I got home with paint! Yup, he bought the base coat and said that it will be put up by the end of the week!!! WOOOHOOOO! He'll have the room way advanced (that's where he's focusing right now) just so that room will be down so we can do the baby room next. We haven't even looked at baby girl stuff yet...but he did mention he was inspired to do stencils on the wall. He's the BEST!

And NO alexisbean, I'm not lending him out...first off I have the rest of the basement to finish and then I'm sure I can keep him occupied with house projects! :) You have your great hubby!!! I'm not trading! :)

Work btw...sucked ass today. And that's ALL I want to say.

Baby is bouncing away ... however... driving is taking a harsh toll on my body. 17 days left...I have to suck it up. Ow. :) 25 weeks! Wow! 2/3 cooked! Baked! Whatever!

Picture this. Pregnant woman wrestling to put on a pillow case onto a body pillow.

Body Pillow - 1

Pregnant woman - 0

*deep breath*

Can you hear that! Listen, what do you hear!

I hear absolutely NOTHING!

3 kids and 1 husband gone, 1 pregnant belly that tremendously enjoyed her first hot bath since Friday night after a hell week.

shhh... no bickering, no whining, no crying, no fighting. Even on the positive - no singing, no laughing, no squealing or tickling. No one but me. The low hum of the computer and my fingers on the keyboard. No one calling for Mammmmmmaaaaa...MAMA! No Tallllllllly...TALLY! Nobody yelling after the dog.

It's bliss. A long long week. A very good indication of life with 2 teens. It's easier if you live it everyday I imagine and not just get dropped these children and expected to clean and fix them up.

Speaking of which, the kids...all clean and fixed up.

The basement bedroom has 1 coat of primer on all 4 walls! Yay to Mike! Simply cannot wait to get it done and start on baby things! I got my first urge to smell the baby onesies that I have stocked up in Kyle's closet. I remember some of them being very neutral and good for baby #2!

Oh...3 kids...they eat a lot! I must start shopping at Costco. After some money falls out of the sky!

I'm alive, I'm FRACKING BUSY at work, training my replacement. I'm a little frustrated at myself for not taking care of me and baby as properly as I should be.

I was supposed to go for my diabetes test this week...I think that's going to be pushed off until next week at the very least. And it's STUPID! Why do I all of a sudden feel like I owe it to work to be here and can't seem to convince myself that I'm important... logically I know, but in my head it's all scrambled up.

I've ALMOST skipped lunch for the past week, it's not that I had far to go, it involved taking food out of drawer and putting mentioned food in mouth. I had to force myself to stop and eat while still typing and rushing around like a maniac.

sigh.

Today I'm trying trying trying to bring it down a notch. Sit back, relax, do my work and try to think clearly.

I'm really trying to focus on me and baby girl. Considering how wonderful it really is to be pregnant at this point, not too huge but enjoying the joys of feeling her bounce and wiggle and hiccup and stretch and even make weird bubbles and gurgles in there! It's a joy actually sitting here and seeing my tummy move around, it's a joy having Mike hold my tummy and be blown away at how heavy the whole thing is. He simply cannot believe I walk around with a 15lbs tummy around my waist all day. It's really a joy to know a baby girl is in there who apparently really enjoyed an Aero chocolate bar yesterday afternoon - she bounced around as happy as can be! :) She likes music, respondes and gets startled to loud shop floor noises, did I mention hiccups? She loves her fathers voice and gets all excited when he's around, she also responds to Kyle and more often that not, kicks him off my tummy. I was even graced last night by a sneaky Casey who preyed upon my belly and gave my tummy a good old fashioned dog kiss!

Pregnancy things aren't bothering me too much, the only extremely annoying thing is colostrum which I've had and leaked since month 3. Same thing when I was pregnant last time. The driving I've mentioned is getting to me, and so is lack of sleep. All in all though can't complain much.

There she goes again! Bump bump thump thump...my belly is bouncing away!

I get in this morning and the woman who sits beside me gives me a gift bag. A split second thought of (too late for my b-day, what can this be for?) to only realize out from the top is a pink pig hand puppet! Then inside there were 3 reversible cotton sweaters, blue, pink and white/green!

What a nice way to start a morning! The couple of minutes that ensued worried me that these might be the only few enjoyable minutes I have all day. Focus hard on happy thoughts, focus hard on positive. Focus hard that I'm leaving in 2 weeks! 14 days left and then I'll be surrounded by bunch of cute baby things!

Focus hard that my son acquired about 10 new words in the 3 hours we spent together. That he said "I love you" then pursed his lips to kiss me, then he said "Bye Bye" when I was walking out the door and I had to run back in to give him more kisses as this time he "Mammmaa" in a come on Mom, stop covering me in kisses!

Some words and combination off the top of my head, manteau, chapeau, mitten, orange, star, hand and in french (main) foot, pied, ear, then he not only named body parts on his Fisher Price dog, but he said the colour of it as well, red nose, orange hand, yellow foot, green hand, blue ear. All WITHOUT us hinting at the answer! Bain, bath time, honestly if we say it, he repeats it. Very cute is "Ewww" I put my hand in a pile of hidden oatmeal and an 'ew' escaped my lips, he laughed and 'ewww'ed right back at me. :)

"Blocks" is by far the most popular, any time the phone rings or someone visits, he insists they play blocks with him. He tells me about his day, yesterday he was very fond of the word No. I asked questions about his day in our daily drive home from M's. And he calmly replied .."no" "no" "no" to each one. Gasundheit (sp? Bless you in German) after a sneeze he says, as well as "Batti Batti" which is italian rhyme for patty cake. He says messy, and also repeats part of the alphabet, yesterday was B,C,D,E...and Y,Z. He counts, one, two, three...un,deux. We are still watching Frosty the snowman in March, Frosty, Frosty, Snow, Frosty, Frosty. We've seen it so often he knows it by heart, and we know this because he'll say the next line, or mimic the action that is ABOUT to happen on screen.

That is all for now! Must go and hopefully this day will go on without incident!

The workload has caught up to me. I'm SO tired. But on the upside work has been going well. Only 10 short days left.

:( That means 2 pays left! ACK! :(

2 pays and SO much to pay and save up for. We won't have any savings to purchase any baby stuff (mainly dresser and furniture - bookshelf) I may wait until the maternity benefits kick in (it's looking more and more like I'll be claiming them 2-3 months early)

Despite ending earlier, for now I'll have a) money coming in AND b) less expenses. I'll be able to do more with the money I do get, even saving some to finish home repairs.

The next year will be might tight. We'll make it through as always...but mightly tight. Atleast until the 2nd car comes to an end, then we'll save over 300$ a month. But for now, that's not money in our pockets, that's money that has us overspending what we make. So maybe then we might break even.

There's got to be a clause somewhere that takes into consideration child support and the total number of children the person paying is responsible for. Why should 2 out of 4 children get a higher standard of living than the other 2. When groceries are tight, why should they be indulging in restaurants, going on field trips, taking part in extra activities, when there's barely enough to have a 20 month old partake in swimming lessons.

Somewhere when you take a close look at it...somewhere it's not fair. Granted the other 2 don't live with their father and the case can be made that it pays their happiness, BUT when having all 4 in our house for the month would cost us considerable less than what he shells out every month.

Today I'm feeling resentful. Resentful that we are struggling, while we see the other side going on 2-3 trips a year down south. Resentful that I can't sign up for swimming with Kyle (75$), when the other siblings are in 1-2 activites each costing (200-400$ each activity).

Yes it's petty. Yes I'll get over it and focus that I'm uber in love with my guys and that's what counts, but sometimes love doesn't pay the bills.

Do you really want to know how I feel? Anybody even bothered asking? Does anybody REALLY care? My grandmother cares. She cares enough to spend over an hour on the phone with me and takes the time to really listen, to take the time to get to know me. People don't know me. Nobody takes the time anymore, not friends, not family - they really don't know who I am and haven't even made the effort to know. They assume they do. Who I was 20-15-10-5 years ago is not the same as the person I am today. I'm vastly different.

Migraine.

Blurry vision. Feel sick to my stomach. Can't even drive home yet, waiting for the worse to pass.

why?

Stress. Too many people asking too much.

WAKE UP.

I'm 7 months pregnant

I work 40 hours a week in a very demanding job (more demanding than most can ever comprehend)

I commute 3-4 hours A DAY, I shouldn't be driving more than 1 hour all day, doctors orders

I'm a mom of a toddler in the throws of his terrible 2s.

I'm a woman who's house is pretty darn clean and works daily at keeping it that way.

I bake and cook every night to prepare for the next evening so my son can eat healthy and on time despite being in a very picky stage.

I'm a mom to a puppy who is having health issues and isn't even getting enough attention from us and is being somewhat neglected.

I'm a wife to the most amazing man (that's not a hard thing, but to be fair I only talk/see him max 2 hours a day)

I wake up at 5:30-5:45 every morning despite only being able to drag my body out of bed at 6:15. I leave at 6:30-6:45 and still get in to work way later than I should.

I leave at 3:30-4:00 and RUSH,fight and curse my way through traffic to try to make it back to my son before 5:30 when his caregiver closes. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I'm late.

My son goes to his caregiver at 7am and is picked up 5pm. He spends more day with another woman who is raising him, and despite loving me for being his mama, still goes go to her to kiss his bobos.

I constantly go out of my way for others, and most of the time my efforts aren't even thanked or recognized. I constantly get stepped on/over and indirectly taken advantage by those who don't bother putting themselves in my shoes for a day.

In between all that, I have a baby on my sciatic nerve at times, who pushes up against my lungs, who bounces and pokes me and who isn't getting enough mommy rest/attention that she deserves. Why? Because I have people around me who continue to ask me to bend for them.

What's a little favor? Lots to me right now.

What's a drive here or a drive there? When I spend 4 hours in a car and every single minute is throbbing pain and occassionally drive home with tears running down my face because my ass hurts that much, a drive is too much.

Staying at work for an extra 5 minutes to finish a meeting? I just simply cannot allow myself to do that.

ALL I'M ASKING IS FOR A LITTLE UNDERSTANDING. I have a life, it's a busy one, just because someone asks me a favor doesn't mean I can comply.

Not that I don't want too, I just simply cannot go about trying to make everybody happy. AND DO NOT TRY TO GUILT ME OR BUY ME. You can try...but guess what, by doing so you come across as an egotistical, uncaring, self-center person. You will loose my respect for you and I won't do anything for you from now on.

I sound selfish myself? Too fucking bad if that's the way it comes across, the reality is that I've given more than enough. I'm one of the most giving people you will ever meet, I'm loyal and will do anything for those I care about. I'm tired though of being taken advantage of and manipulated.

shhh! It's me. I'm home. *giggles* Shhhh...!!

I still had a wee little migraine this morning. But it's all gone now - it was stress induced. What helped - opening windows wide on a nice day, running all my errands before 9:30am this morning, getting to sleep until 7am, getting to eat breakfast with my son who gobbled up a strawberry jam toast and banana! Got lots of hugs and kisses from wonderful son who woke up in the best of moods! Even getting dressed and ready to bring him to M's today was EASY! He made my morning so sweet! I got different random on sale articles at different stores. Walking out of IGA at 8:45am with 4 ice creams(2.49$ instead of 6.99) 2 10lbs bag of potatoes (got 1 free) and 10 cans of cream of corn (60cents) I'm making shepards pie!

The lady must have thought I was a wacky pregnant lady with wacked out cravings!! :)

Also went to Maxi, and to the bank. So I'm good! I got paid toady, I feel financially stable this week. I've managed to put away money for the weeks ahead. My start of year funk is stable. phew! I realized that it was insurance money that really hit me, without insurance being pregnant is bloody expensive! Test this, test that. I did get some back through Mike's insurance and it helped equalize my account again.

:) Did I mention I'm home! I even treated myself to a Tim Horton's coffee! I am feeling MUCH better, getting to rant to a good friend until way too late last night helped me out. Also getting a kick in the butt from across country from another friend (if I met her I'm sure we'd be BFF!) ;)

This is MY DAY. In fact it's MY LIFE! So today, I'm home, with my dog, doing things that make me feel relaxed (yes picking up and cleaning is weirdly included in that list!) But it means that when Kyle comes home later I can focus on my son and play with him.

Thanks for reading my rant of yesterday, none of it was meant to friends of mine. I just had a horrible miserable really bad day the other day and I exploded. And guess what...it was a JUSTIFIED explosion! :) I didn't loose it, it wasn't a pregnant hormonal moment, I completely DESERVED to let them have it!

I have 1 week left of work, I'll be going in to clean up shop basically. Today though I have some things to finalize and work out. Things that I need to do, so a day at home is going to be really productive!

The last few days seem like the longest days EVER. With little to no work to do, just basic cleaning up, the hours are stretching, I have time to think and contemplate. I don't want to think.

I realize I haven't properly given an update - like the fantastic news I got about $$$ in the coming months. Turns out I'll be covered (although partially) by EI - because my contract is ending. Then in a few months time when it's baby time I will switch to Mat leave which will then cover me a FULL year. The advantage is 1 plan is federal and the other plan is provincial.

So in basic terms, instead of eating nothing for 2 months and struggling to pay the mortgage, I will have income - limited but income nonetheless. For this I am truly grateful. It warranted many a happy dance. :)

Literally, I bought girly stuff for our daughter. It's the first pieces of clothing that I've bought a girl, not just any girl, but my little girl. I got to choose what my little girl was going to wear, I got to pick exactly what style, what colour and everything. It's simple but cute, 2 pairs of jeans with pink stitching and 1 with ruffled edges, and a white sleeveless blouse with a few embroided flowers on it. Perfect for summer. The pants are way big, but will fit nicely in fall/winter and maybe if she has short stubby baby legs, even until next spring! :)

I know I have 1 little box of girl clothes at home, I also have some clothes that baby girl can use from Kyle, and I think friends of ours have a girl box of clothes as well. A while back my brother in law mentioned passing along his "boxes upon boxes" of girl clothes from his 2 daughters, but I'm not sure if it's still a valid offer. That would REALLY help us out because as 'standard' a boys waredrobe is, couple of shirts, couple of pants, girls waredrobes are ... more complex and likely to cost up an arm and a 2 legs :)

Because honestly as wonderful as Kyle's clothes were, dressing a girl in girl stuff is just ... different. :)

Baby girl is dancing up a storm! In fact she's pushing out and wiggled away after I patted her.

2 days. Friday is a write-off, tomorrow I'm finishing my clean up.

I feel like posting and feel like I have tons to say but when I go to write nothing comes to mind!

I hope Kyle didn't catch a cold, apparently he had fun in water puddles yesterday and by the time Mike went to pick him up he was soaking wet to the bone. He had a blast and put up quite the fight before going home. This is 1 reason why picking him up is getting more difficult since I have to physically drag him over my shoulder kicking and screaming.

But for now I have to run!! Quitting time!

I had such a wonderful afternoon/evening with my son. He was so wonderfully behaved, the tantrums are getting much less, in fact ignoring him, or calling him on them saying it's rather silly and he should come talk to Mama or Papa instead seems to have worked. Atleast in the short run. Also just removing him from the scene of the tantram and putting him in the corner seems to also snap him out of it.

I'm getting the distinct impression that a lot of it has to do with spending time with us. That's all he wants to do. So we are down to 1 more dodo until Mama is home with him and Casey. I haven't yet spoken to his caregiver to see how his schedule is going to change and if she was okay with it. Not that it matters much really, even if she's not okay I'm insisting very strongly that at this point in his life he needs more family time. More stability with Mom and Dad.

Last night was so great, even though Mike got home late there were no tiring moments, no screaming fits, no "oh god I can't wait until Mike gets home to help me out here" moments. He was absolutely filthy from playing outside - took a mud bath yesterday. So he stripped, I prepared supper (we very much enjoy breakfast supper every once in a while so I made eggs and toast) and he ate it all up, plus the 2 kiwis. We chit chatted all calmly as I flipped through the flyers. He sat on my lap after supper and we looked at things in the flyers, the food, the toys, the tools. Then he helped me clean up, we went upstairs and ran a bath just to take off the excess mud that found itself in places I don't even dare explain.

We got out, out PJs on, played and talked and read in his room. Played with Casey and had many giggle fits!

He went to bed at 7:45 since he was being such a well-behaved boy instead of 7:30 and he sang to himself until 8:15. This morning at 7am we had to wake the sleepy head up (he's usually up at 6:30 with us ready to leave). That's something that next week he'll get to enjoy, snoozing in if he needs it. Chances are though, just watch the little bugger be up at 6am with the birds! :)

:) Last day! I'm quite excited actually. Excited in a way tired sort of way though, enjoyed my last drive in to work in a "my ass hurts so much I have tears in my eyes, oh look at the view from the bridge, I'm running low on gas again, damn traffic, get off the road bozo" kind of way.

I've cleared most of my desk, all my emails, all my files, all my personal stuff. I said thank you and goodbye to my boss yesterday, and now I'm going to go around saying goodbye to others. I'll finish up 2 last things, I'll go for lunch with some coworkers, then perhaps make my way back here, or go directly to HR in Longueuil.

I got spoiled with a gift from the woman replacing me, an adorable PJ with cats on it and a candle shapped like a bottle! So very cute! My good friend Melissa whispered that she has also something for me but is keeping it until I give birth to come visit me! I sure hope to keep in touch with her.

For now though, off I go!

Wow! Boy are people cranky today! At least the ones I had to deal with were.

(And according to the caregiver - so was Kyle). Eck.

As for baby update, I'm in my 29th (28.5)week, I gained 3kg in 5 1/2 weeks (in reality it's less but I had my winter boots on this time versus being in socks last time). so this time I'm perfectly good. My BP went up from the 100/60 to 120/60 which is still normal for this point. Somebody seemed to have peed in the receptionist's cereal this morning - crabby! It apparently wasn't only with me, because the limited time I was there she got into 3 arguments with 3 different people.

Baby is good, bouncing, has attitude like her brother did. The doctor was listening to her heart beat when she gave a kick back, enough to shock the doctor with a "Woah!" I grinned and told her to try again, and sure enough that quick, strong heartbeat was followed with another "thump" against the machine. :)

She also measured my abdomen and commenting that it's ONLY baby in there, that there isn't much additional weight and that she could she her outline when I lie on my back. I guess pregnant women come in all shapes and sizes from what I see, there are some small than me and others who are ready to pop and you still can't tell if they're pregnant. I know my shape is different from Karine's since the 5 pairs of pants I borrowed, only 2 fit...tightly. I can't believe she was wearing small. So I'm looking forward to the warmer weather to wear that skirt I had. Jeans right now are so uncomfortable and I refuse to buy a pair for the last 10 weeks.

10 WEEKS!! ACK!! HOLY COW! 10 weeks to find bedding, pick the paint, empty the room, paint, find furniture, settle on a name!

I doubt this time I'm going to get a baby shower being my 2nd one. It fine since I was lucky enough to get one with Kyle, but it was was the WAY I was told not to expect one that gave me a sour look. "This is your 2nd, you CANNOT possibly ASK or EXPECT people to give this baby a gift - they gave you one with Kyle. Doing it again seems like your mooching and it's just not done. Oh and don't expect your family to give you another big gift this time either, just accept the fact they probably won't even visit nor call to congratulate you.

My thoughts on the matter:

1) Not as if I planned it the first time nor would I plan it this time either.

2) People ever wonder why the 2nd child syndrome exists? Why the 2nd child often feels less special than the first, I'm sure attitude like that doesn't help the issue.

3) Most of my family didn't even bother calling to congratulate me with Kyle, sure SOME people did, and SOME actually made the effort to come to town to visit - but there were some who didn't even bother calling.

Do I expect a shower, no. Do I want one, not really. Would it be nice, of course.

It just brings me back to a time when I got engaged and got reamed over and threatened to not have an engagement party that it was TACKY ploy to get free gifts. The conversation about a baby shower (even though it's a girl this time) came across with the same tone, TACKY ploy for free gifts. When really for me I DON'T WANT gifts, but having food and friends to mark a baby coming to the world seems...FUN! :)

The past 4 days have been wonderful! Just Mike, Kyle and I spending all of our time together. Mike finished painting the basement and now all that's left to do is the ceiling, floor and baseboard. All in all I'm optimistic and hoping 3 more intensive weekends. Then we can move the furniture down, empty and prep the baby's room and slap on the 3 coats of paint.

I think I found a commode for her, in fact it's 2 commodes, 1 changing table(drawers and 3 cubby holes) and 1 armoir. Both together will still cost us less than what we paid for Kyle's. Granted we got him a really nice Storkcraft set, I'm hoping the quality of this will hold up as well.

As for a bed, Mike and I decided to wait it out, we doubt our niece will be ready to be out of her crib by the time we need it so we were going to make due with the play pen we have, however we just got good news of a very kind offer to lend us a baby hammock. It's not official, and thanks have be given properly. ;)

We also picked out plenty of colours for our house, we narrowed it down to 1 for the baby, a soft light lavender for the bottom part of the wall, probably offset with the same cotton rag that Kyle has. Also chose different shades of 'birch wood' for other parts of the house to clean it up. Since we moved in it hasn't had a good coat of paint. In 3 weeks marks 4 years. Time to tackle a few key areas! With Mike being home and paint being so quick to do, we may start soon! I'm encouraging myself based on the way my grandmother works - wakes up one morning, picks her colour, empties the room, paints, applies next coat that evening, allows to dry, next day last coat and puts everything back! :) 2 Day method! Did I mention I'm an optimist!?

Easter was different this year, we didn't see family. Either of them. Granted we made the happy easter phone calls to both sides in the morning, there was hints (okay blatantly obvious) our choice to be alone was not well received. In the end though...last time I checked it's our life and it's our choice. How about add to that Kyle was sick most of the time, nope couldn't really care if dragging a child around with a fever wasn't our idea of a good time.

Thankfully though Kyle got to enjoy plenty of easter stuff with his Aunts and Uncles on his father's side who got him enough chocolate "coco" (eggs) and little chocolate treats "bunnies" for him to munch on happily! He did unfortunately miss a visit from his grandparents who literally dropped by (I think my mom didn't even take off her jacket!) for a few minutes on Saturday because he had passed out in Mike's arms at 11:30 after a bath. He slept over 3 hours, skipped lunch and everything so by the time the arrived at 12:45 (his usual nap time) he out. Like I said, poor kid was really out of whack.

I was hoping they would have stuck around, I even had pie and coffee ready to go while Mike finished painting but lately they act like they are intruding - even if I invite them over. Well...mom acts like she's intruding - Dad is very quirky funny because he'll come in and sit and while my mom tries to leave he has this "hey I just got here don't rush me" look on his face. It's very amusing and yet pathetic. Picture having your own parents literally come to visit and not want to stay more than 5 minutes.

The real reasons could be a vast number of things, (us not going to easter, Kyle falling asleep before they showed up, thinking we don't need my dad's help with the basement anymore because Mike's been doing the things he knows how to on his own). I know it irritates them when I ask them to put on their shoes to go in the basement to see the renovations - with all the dust and dirt and paint we have not cleaned there, instead we go down with old shoes because IF you don't wear shoes your feet get FILTHY! Then when you come upstairs (no matter how hard you wipe your socks) my hardwood floor gets messy. Sometimes I don't make an issue. But on days like Thursday when I washed all my floors on hand and knee with my 30 week tummy hanging to the floor and finally getting them spotless, to have my own parents say "who cares, you should have cleaned the basement instead" and "so what, clean them again, you have nothing else to do now that your at home". Well...thanks. Forget the sciatica, forget my sore back, forget the fact I'm 30 weeks pregnant and IF I would do the same thing at their house my Dad would smack me! I JUST washed the floors!! Come on!

Crazy thing - as logical and reasonable my request is, they make me feel guilty by pouting. That's right, I had to sit down and convince myself that it wasn't unreasonable for me to ask and I would ask the same courtesy from anyone if I had just cleaned my floors.

OH! I forgot! The easter bunny came and gave Kyle a red, shiny tricycle!! RED, really SHINY RED! In a few months our driveway will be done, I'm hesitant to let him play before that because I want him to learn right off the bat that he is not to go in the street with it. Instead of letting him play in the street and changing the rules in 8 weeks, start him with the proper rules, in the driveway! :)

We were up at 5:45. Ouch. All my fault I take complete blame for throwing everyone's schedule out of whack! I had to pee so bad it hurt. I got up, went to the bathroom, blew my nose and woke up Kyle. Damn.

Cranky and cuddly again. In fact he didn't want to go to M's today and cried and screamed for me not to leave like it was his first day there. Difference being, his first day he didn't even do that! What a change from not wanting to come home!

I came home, cleaned out my garden, smiled over all the buds coming through, accidentally pruned part of my rose bush (the 2 branches that HAD buds on them) &*$#! Came in after 45 minutes of bending over and being on my knees and collapsed in bed. Holy back ache Batman! I didn't mention it, but last night it hit me that I was on maternity leave. Not just vacation, but that the reason I was off work now is that I physically able to do MUCH less than usual! And that in 70ish days we are getting a baby! I had called the CLSC for info on their next pre-natal courses...and laughed after I hung up and left a message, because it was only AFTER calling that I realized I wouldn't go.

No matter what I do, or what I don't do in the next couple of weeks, no matter what I read, what I study, what I paint or buy...sooner than later a baby will be home with us. :) Let me focus on having the essentials - oh wait, 2 boobs I've got those! Diapers... I'll need diapers! :) Everything else is gravy.

Now, it's almost 4, I haven't eaten lunch (eating hurts - it takes up too much space in a body who's competing with a 3lbs baby). I also slept from 10:45 after collapsing in bed to 2:30. Yes I was tired.

Ever feel like you are physically somewhere but should be elsewhere? Not in an 'anywhere but here' way, but in a something is off...I can't pinpoint it but I don't think I should be here.

I had that kind of a day. I had the best laid plans for my day all of which changed. I never did my list of things to do, I did get my hair done - that was the only constant thing, I did meet up with Karine - only AFTER though which honestly worked out better for us. She brought me to a great store in the Pointe Claire village which I'm sure I will be back (once I start getting income again) I looked but tried not to look too hard today. They had some really nice outfits at really reasonable costs!

My day dropped though after my phone call to his caregiver. Turned out he had a MISERABLE day, cried ALL day, was coughing, didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't play, didn't drink (in fact his diaper was not as wet as it should be). So I rushed over to pick him up (she admitted that it was REALLY tough today and she was going to call me to pick him up - however she didn't dare as she thought I was resting). I once again insisted that if he EVER gets that way to call me and I will get him that she has NO reason to deal with him that way, especially with 6 kids around. Having an inconsolable 21 month old - 30lbs toddler is impossible with 5 others.

We came home, I cuddled him, spoiled him with kisses, made him his favorite supper, he barely ate it, I didn't fight with him when he wanted apple sauce during his supper either. Mike and I then had burgers on the BBQ, and my parents came over for a visit.

They oohed and kissed and hugged him and gave him all the 'poor boy, you're sick you poor thing' that both Mike and I have given him and he seemed to just lavish it all up! :) What a guy! He snuggled his Omi, cuddled his Grandpapa, and spent his time running from lap to lap collecting hugs and kisses for being the poor sick boy. Yes...he's very deprived! :)

On the other hand, whatever lap wasn't filled with Kyle, Casey was sneaking up for her own cuddles (you'd swear our kids are lacking in love and completely mistreated by the way they act when the grandparents are around!) Even the dog begged for food (after having her supper) and got extra because my parents thought we didn't feed the piggy!

After watching Sesame Street 'Learning the Alphabet' and getting to the letter L, Kyle was more than ready for bed. He went without too much of a struggle (somewhat of a complaining whine more than anything) but he was listening to every word we said downstairs, because when my parents were getting ready to leave at 8:30 you heard the sweetest "bye" "bye" "bye bye grandpapa" "omi, bye bye". We killed ourselves laughing at his cuteness. Even after they left, the few minutes after you heard "bye bye" from upstairs.

The visit was very welcome, in fact after picking up Kyle and feeling so low - making the doctors appointment, seeing how miserable he was, Mike coming home after another intense day at the office - their company was very very nice. They were both in very good moods, we had really nice conversation, talking baby stuff, basement stuff, work stuff. All I can say I am very grateful and it was very nice and I am going to bed feeling very happy tonight. (And that sentence completely sucked in grammar skills!)

In store for tomorrow - sick Kyle is staying home with mommy, we are going to the doctor to check out ear/nose/throat/chest combination. His eyes are so puffy, I want to rule out an infection as well. His cough is also worrisome - sounding bronchial. Let's cross fingers he'll avoid medication!

My hair colour turned out MUCH better! We managed to minimize the red tones - my hair is all pregnancy wacky! I think baby girl is going to have dark hair! However my cut was less than successful because 3 out of the 4 people I saw after all wondered if I cut it! *giggles* after 3 people asking and I say I cut a good 2 inches off, it's funny!

I am HUGE! Baby is lying outwards and not only did my feet disappear, the ground in front of me as well!!

Okay still not as HUGE as some might think, but for 1 day the difference is dramatic. Chances are she'll move, turn, flip and somersault and tomorrow I'll be back to normal.

Casey has a nice trim, cleaned her up.

Kyle was WONDERFULLY behaved at supper, he coloured, chatted up the waitress, was polite with "Merci" and "Please", he had chicken noodle soup, some cucumbers, some chicken, peas and fries naturally. "Fraise" and watermelon "melon" for dessert.

He sat there calmly and so well behaved the ENTIRE time...I'm so proud of him. Then we went to Home Depot where his Omi allowed him (without any parents in view) to sit on EVERY single one of the tractor/lawnmowers. Twice. :) I was in the vicinity and raised an eyebrow at my son running from one to the next with Omi in tow, but I accepted the grandparent spoiling time and smiled at his excitement of going 'up'/'down' then 'en haut'/'en bas'. :) We got home, he brushed his teeth like a pro with his 2 toothbrushes, put his pjs on after being 'tout nu' then calmly went to bed.

Wow we so deserved this awesome day he gave us. Our son is back! Yay!

For precautionary purposes - the humidifier is on for 1 more night...more for Mom though since I still feel the congestion in my lungs.

Bath time!

I enjoy Sunday evenings alone after a full weekend. Not completely alone, but I do get 90 minutes of peace.

It was a rather long weekend...sickness tends to drag out the time. I am very slowly recuperating and at about 60% health. The hacking and chest congestion has alleviated somewhat thanks to the humidifier and I'm sure with more rest and fluids I should be better in a few more days. The trick is to take it easy - something I'm having a hard time doing. The worse part of this cold was the lack of energy, I would get up go to the kitchen for a glass of juice and not have enough energy to pour the thing. Seriously just drained. I did somehow make lunch (thanks to the help of my mom) and supper last night (thanks to Mike). Thanks also to Mom who at my request came over to watch the kids while the guys (Dad and Mike) worked on the basement and I rested. I slept for over 2 hours yesterday afternoon. Again this morning they came over to tag team - Dad downstairs, Mom helping me with the kids.

Wow...Mike's already home!

So to update the basement - IT LOOKS FANTABULOUS!!! WOW! The ceiling is ALL DONE! It looks WONDERFUL!! The room is almost done, the floor will be done next weekend, the the minor (literally 2-3 hours of doing the frames/baseboards) will be complete! Here is the BEST part, it looks like the other room will take a 1/2 day to put up the ceiling and then Mike will plaster, paint and DONE! :) 2 rooms DONE! :)

THEN!!! We move the furniture down, (I got the coolest comforter for the day bed - 10$) and Melyssa is all settled in...more of less.

Upstairs, the single bed is going to my in-laws for temporary storage...that will be finally out of the house at the latest next weekend. The room will be slowly emptied throughout the week and merged into James' room. At this age, they only need 1 huge closet FULL of games/toys. Not 2. So I'll be doing some creative organizing to make space. Also will do some sorting of items, seriously some stuff they no longer need/use.

Once that room is clear...I'm going to clean it and let it breath. Let the energy clear out before we tackle it. Then wham, within 2 weeks I see the paint going up and it becoming a new room. The problem I found with some of our rooms, when we moved in we brought all our stuff so there is clutter. I hate clutter. So this painting process allows us to clear up the junk. And I think that room (along with ours) are the worse ones. So with the kids eventually all installed and settled and uncluttered...we can maybe focus on our bedroom space.

I see an end! It looks pretty! All the kids will be good!

(Quietly wishes that soon though we can focus on our bedroom).

This weather is PERFECT!

I dropped Kyle off at M's by 8:30 which went really well. Came home and lay on my couch, in my jeans with buttons popped to accommodate Wiggles, barefoot, cuddling a few pillows and a douvet and didn't move until 2:30.

I didn't cough, I didn't move. I slept on and off the only sound was my dog dreaming and the sump pump pumping excess water out of our basement.

The wind hollering and threatening to blow the windows in at points, but my toes were soft and warm and I wasn't coughing. Wiggles was dancing away, she's got some pretty awesome moves! What a great soccer player she'll be.

I got up ate my yummy leftovers, put on music, surfed and now I'm gathered some energy to continue some clean up. It's quiet.

It's nice and quiet. The best news was hearing that Kyle is having a wonderful day at M's. He's being a great little guy! Our son is back! Now all it takes is for Mommy to catch up to his health. He said SO many new words over I can't even count them! He even called out for "Mommy" and not "Maman" I like both, but mommy sounds so innocent and sweet. We were at Zellers and he saw me down the aisle and he smiled and waved "Mommy la bas!" He talks and talks and talks. He'll sit on the phone and talk to his grandparents for a good 10 minutes, he talks to Mike at work. He's just absolutely the coolest thing. His tantrums have been reduced I think in part to talking, we desperately encourage using his words to try to make us understand what he wants. So for the past few days we've all been blessed with patience. He had a great weekend with his siblings and grandparents.

Wow...I still can't get over how wonderful he is and how much I love the little man. I love that after he gets dressed he leans over for a hug, I love that he helps us do buttons and zippers, that he gives us our boots and jackets, I love that he gets so excited at Monsters Inc that he insists on including the characters in his prayers at night. :)

Everybody is boinging. Kyle does "Boingy boingy" on the bed and bounces around giggling his little heart out. Wiggles has been boinging in my belly for 3 almost CONSTANT days! She's been taking little naps but soon after the boinging starts up again.

All my kids are boingy!

If you ask where Kyle learned "boingy boingy" you're asking the wrong people, he woke up one morning, crawled into our bed and bounced around. :)

Silly boy!

It's considered Spring Cleaning! :)

I've established this and it has both relieved Mike and I (because seriously the urge was so strong that Mike thought Wiggles was ready to come this week!) The way I'm attacking each room with a vengeance - it's enough to scare anyone who is a rat pack. :) But I've been behaving - not chucking anything that means something to either the kids or Mike. I'm giving LOTS to the salvation army (clothes, toys and stuff).

There are big items that are pending, but we seemed to have found a home for those as well, so I am very happy. Get rid of the clutter. I sorted through the kids toys and closets and have really outdone myself - It all fits in 1 closet, 1 bookself...still having free space leftover! :)

Mike started taking down more things in the room upstairs - It's slowly helping clear the energy.

I brought up a lot of 'outdoors' items like Kyle's bike, summer chairs and stuff from the basement. Even though the snow I am shoving it all out. I figure this way winter will get the hint that I'm ready to move on to nicer weather! :) The only thing left is to bring up our swing set (which I promised Mike I'd wait for him) being uber-pregnant there are some limitations I seem to have!

Now off to the drop off, I will be giving away over 6 boxes of clothes. Bringing back a year of empty cans and making some room in this house! :) For any hesitation that I had about giving clothes away (in case I needed it down the line) I just got word from family in Germany that they are sending off a package of designer European clothes for Kyle that they couldn't bear to give to their salvation army. Obviously the clothes I'm talking about is all the extra stuff that I received from dozens of people. I really do wish that I could directly pass it over to someone I know - but truth is there is WAY too much of it and I don't know anyone who really *needs* it. This way I can trust that someone down the line will make good use of it, instead of it collecting dust. It's made to be used. Left is 4 boxes of kyle's clothes (my favorite pieces that if I have another boy he can use) and about 3 boxes of girl items.

Okay, I've caught my breath from all the lifting and stairs I've been doing - time to deliver! :)

HA! Errands done! Yay! Boxes out of sight. Bags of can gave me 5$ - which will be used to buy my baseboards (did I mention I go far with money?!) I will look at the baseboards in the room and see the 5cent consignment of cans we drank and saved. Any little bit helps!

I still forgot to buy milk - and I was there.

I also dropped off my ROE at the employment office.

Now some rest...some food. Actually more food because the sandwich I made was inhaled.

Actually - who am I kidding - no rest really - I'm going through my clothes now. Let's be realistic if I haven't worn it in...4 years... I doubt I will ever again.

We got much accomplished, the floor is almost done. I mean it's done, but we ran out of flooring. All we needed was an additional box and the closet would be done. Our closet being tricky since it's all nasty angles - so instead of snap and install it's very time consuming. But the rest of the room is done. It took my Dad, Mike with some help from my mom Saturday to do it. The rest will get done in the evenings. However...we did snap our blade so it may be delayed until Wednesday.

I'm tired. So so tired. All that energy to get things completed has been whisked away. I feel like we've been in renovations FOREVER and now even something simple like baseboards seems to be a huge job. I know. The final push. We're almost done. But the truth is. I've been saying I'm going to paint the baseboards and the frames and have Mike install them at night. Truth is. I'm SO TIRED. Today I simply cannot even imagine it. Let alone get all installed to do it. It's frustrating, we are so close to being done, we see it...but it's still missing 5%. ARGH.

Sunday was a day of being alone. Mike and I just needed alone time. We work so well together, I think the most frustrating is that my parents argue/bicker when they work together. Mike and I really don't, so it's been tasking at times. I know, suck it up, literally 1 more full weekend - finish the floor, to install the closet door, the closet fixtures, paint the baseboards and frames(which still need to be bought) and install those. After that, move the furniture downstairs.

Ugh. Right now, the thought of painting the baby's room drains me. It needs to be done because it staying the same colour is NOT an option - I'm hating it.

We haven't even gotten furniture yet - bleah. That's another crappy point, I need to order the suckers if I want to have them before the baby is born.

I'm SO T.I.R.E.D

Sunday we shopped. We found a great deal on a glider and ottoman, it's Home Sense we got it at Zellers. So whatever brand they have. Seriously, for a glider AND ottoman - had I gotten another brand the price would have been 4x more expensive for both pieces.

I saw it advertised in the flyer for this coming week, saw it, liked the price, wasn't picky about brand, colour, style or anything. I figured, get it, install it, see how we like it. We walked in to the store out in Pincourt, asked where they could be, she pointed to the ONLY box hiding by the storage area in the back of the store. It was the ONLY ONE they had (I know the flyer said limited stock). We took it and walked out. :)

Vivid dreams - I met my son. Not Kyle but my other son. :) Handsome, happy, little guy.

Here's the thing, I'm supposedly having girl (ultrasounds couldn't be more accurate!) But this boy was beautiful, full head of dark curly hair, he had the same superman curl that Kyle and Mike have. His forehead eyes and nose were like mine, but he had a slightly longer face than I, so he had Mike's smile and chin. HANDSOME, drop dead gorgeous. And OH SO HAPPY so see me. Wow. I wanted to take him home with me, in fact I miss him, I want

Vivid dream last night - I was giving birth. In fact it felt like I jumped into my body. I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter. It happened quickly, I was at 6cm when I began the dream and panicked because I didn't know if I had the epidural yet, I asked for it god knows what came out of my mouth, because the nurse looked at me all confused, said "but sweetie why?" I said I wanted to be frozen. So she came at me down there with some cream and a small needle and I was like "WOAH NURSE" Where the hell are you going to put that thing, epidural in my BACK, not near THAT! She backed up still very confused looking and said "Chantale you have that already, dear"

Oh. Phew. Okay. But I was still panicked because my head was all confused (what was I doing giving birth, why can't I remember the epidural, how did I get here). I get another contraction that I can actually slightly feel the cramping and she says, "good job, wow! your at 10cm and the baby is coming out" HUH!? Sure enough, I look down and the baby is crowning. At that point I don't even push and the baby comes out.

Here's the kicker - Mike's not there.

I'm not worried, or sad, he's just NOT there. She takes the baby, bundles her up, does a few tests in the corner of the room and brings her to me (not nearly quickly enough in my opinion) and Mike still isn't there.

He runs in a few minutes late. He missed it and feels HORRIBLE. Horrible isn't even the word, he cannot forgive himself, hours, week, months and years I get the vision that he cannot forgive himself for not being there.

And I wake up.

I tell him this morning and you know what he says casually "Ya I've had that feeling/dream for a while now."

HULLO!!

He's tried to reassure me that he would be there (not that I need reassuring because I'm not scared of it) my dream was so matter-of-fact that if he's not there I'll just be like okay, I knew it was coming.

"I'll be there, I won't miss it for the world" All these words he's said to me just bounces off me, deep down, my dream was so real, I see there being an absolute chance that he's going to miss it. It's the WEIRDEST feeling of thinking he's not meant to be there. Crazy eh?

I'm due mid June. My expected dates are the 17th-22nd. I called for a hospital tour and after asking when I was due they offered me...July, in french. :) They are full.

She found a opening in English for June 9th! Obviously I wanted in English. Duh! But it was their last spots. I asked "In case I don't make it until then, do you have a whirlpool/hottub?" "yes madam, in each room" "do I need a bathing suit?" "uh...madam? No!" I giggle at her tone, because she thought I sounded ridiculous "I'm asking because at the Jewish General, the required you to have one" "Oh madam! No, no, not here!"

2pm, haven't done much.

Took a bath and re-read old parenting magazines.

Wasn't going to get out of the house, I just might change my mind to change scenery. It's a nice day out and I feel stuck.

Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for lunch! Yay!!

Been surfing for baby room ideas and/or furniture. It all sucks. I'm so not inspired.

I've been up since 5:30am - Kyle was wide awake. Ugh. I left him in bed until 6:45 though. Tomorrow if he pulls the same stunt I'll push it until 7am. Why won't he fall back to sleep!?! He sits there and happily chatters away, sings, talks to Ernie & Bert. He's awesome with his 3-4 word sentences. "Non de-l'eau, juice pomme" Or "juice apple" was last night's request.

Tomorrow I will venture to Fairview where I think I found my daughter's comforter - I saw it, loved it, will get it...on special! woohoo! I will also go sock shopping for my son who officially really cannot wear size 12-24 anymore. Big feet looses them constantly! :) In fact I'm realizing some size 2 t-shirts are tight on him, his shoulders are so broad, he's expanding like the hulk! His legs have some catching up to do, but he's now pretty much in size 18-24 pants. Not 24 or 2 yet, those are too long and too loose around his tiny bum. :)

He got his bangs trimmed this weekend again and some of the curls in the back, but they are still long. In a few weeks I'll go back and I think he'll get a 'boy' summer cut. :) They are still blond and curly and he still has his crystal blue eyes. As much as he looks the same...he looks so much older than he really is. People are shocked at him only being 21 months because apparently he looks and sometimes acts almost 3 - I think it's because he's so independent.

As for baby girl I was shocked to find that I seem to have lots of clothes. All sizes though, but I have 4 bins of girl/unisex stuff that I can make due with. This makes me happy!

I can't wait until a decision is rendered for me EI, no income for 4 weeks is taking it's toll and eating away at our emergency mortgage/expense buffer. They promise an answer before May 11th - and when it gets finalized it will all be retroactive...BUT being at the end of renovations, beginning of the acquiring BIG items for baby girl well...timing is everything right? VISA for now is taking a major punch - or positively speaking, I'm getting lots of VISA points! :)

I've always enjoyed week 32, such a round number. It's the beginning of the end.

There's a bird, the bird has been looking through my windows for 2 days now. I've looked outside, there's no nest, yet this bird just sits on my railing and looks inside. I remember there was also a bird before Kyle. So I went out with a handful of bird seed and put it on my window ledge. In some small insignificant way to thank the bird for reminding me to take some time to think about baby girl.

I've been really bad, I've gotten so caught up with everything else but baby girl that I'm fearing I'll lack a bond with her. I was so much closer and loving with Kyle, this time I even caught myself saying "it's for the girl" The girl, not my girl, but THE. sighs. I'm a horrible mother, I referred to my daughter as 'the', sometimes 'it' has slipped out. I just can't see her, I can't *feel* her. I mean I physically feel her bouncing away, and physically see my belly shift and get bumps, but emotionally, I'm not there. I haven't written to her, let alone written about how completely different this pregnancy has been. I should, she's my daughter, I want her to know what it was like having her in my womb. Why can't I connect with her? Where's the euphoria that I had when I knew I was having a boy? I knew this would be a challenge, I knew that it wasn't the same, I knew I was somewhat disappointed when they said girl. But recently it feels so much harder and I feel SO guilty about having these feelings. Logically I will love her and bond with her, but right now it seems so impossible to love her as much as I do Kyle.

The hardest thing is that everyone I speak to acts like they were thrilled having their baby girl, when they find out it's a girl I get (even from complete strangers) "OH WOW, you MUST be thrilled". I DON'T understand, I CANNOT comprehend. WHAT is so special about a baby girl? WHAT makes them MORE special than a boy? It's hard because for almost the entire time I've had to say "oh ya, I'm happy, either or would have been great, as long as they are healthy". Truthfully, at one point I DID feel that way, but recently, not so much. Ask me how excited I am about having a girl, and today I would answer - not so much.

Hormones perhaps? Sure lets blame it on that today - because god knows when we're pregnant EVERYTHING we say, think, do or feel can be blamed on pregnancy - it's oh so credible. Like my spring cleaning was blamed on nesting. Like me feeling so completely unprepared for her, hormones. Me wanting a boy (no that's just not a nice thing to think or say) so let's blame that on fear of the unknown. Oh and how guilty am I feeling that I won't be able to HONESTLY tell my daughter that I was excited about having a girl and I would have preferred a boy, that will make her feel 'oh-so-loved' and 'oh-so-wanted'. Anyone would be crushed knowing their parents didn't want them, or would have preferred the opposite, and I don't want her to feel that, even though...

Yes I'm a horrible mother, well horrible girl mother that is. I'm a really good boy mother.

So I can't even sit here and pretend to write a 'oh how I love thee' letter, and writing a truthful letter seems cruel.

I'm afraid I won't bond with her. I'm afraid we won't connect.

Hokay...the hormones are controlled.

Went to the Bay, got a comforter - turns out I ALREADY had the crib sheet - scores! Saves 80$! They were charging 160$ for bumper, comforter and sheet, I had sheet, I can make due without the bumper for now, and they were selling the comforter for 59$ on sale 25% off! It's brown with teddies on it, and to complement it I bought lavender & pink blankets with butterflies and a lavender warm blanket. I've decided her colour is lavender, cream and brown (neutral warm). All very pretty! I can even sneak in hues of burnt orange to spice it up!

I also bought Tinkerbell stickers for myself! :)

So we walked around, contractions and all - those practice ones are underway now. Seriously, I don't need practice, I've been through it before! Oh and she's descending. There's more pressure in my pelvic bone...in fact she's not stuck there yet so it's disconcerting feeling her bounce around there. Last night another 6-8 weeks felt like an eternity!

For lunch I called my Dad and asked if he wanted a lunch date, I'm 27 and I've never taken a lunch date with him even though he works ACROSS the street from my mom whom I've met on occasion. Yes I called him first to irritate her. :) Because after he agreed, I called her and asked if she would take her grandson for lunch! :) Granted she accepted without the knowledge that Pa was coming along! It wasn't until I picked her up I said, "okay time to pick up grandpapa!" that she got all sour pissy. :) "I thought this was a date with MY grandson" "I didn't think you would mind your HUSBAND, his GRANDFATHER, my FATHER joining us, won't it be soooo nice" I said with a smile :)

Now...Kyle is sleeping - poor kid didn't get a proper nap, BUT he did get to visit Grandpapa's work with all the airplanes!! :) Oh well, 90 minutes is better than nothing! Off to go rock him

I'm tired again today - this wonderful gray, rainy, weather always helps eh? (Thankful it isn't 35C though this time in the pregnancy) A few more weeks left - tough it out.

I didn't get any shopping done this morning, I think I passed out. Somewhere in between "Wilbur" and Canada AM my husband left with my son for an unknown amount of time to go random shopping and ran errands. Somewhere in there the phone apparently rang; as I had messages when I woke up from slumber off the couch. I woke up with Mike saying "sweetie, if you have enough energy to join us for lunch, I served you some soup". This is why I married him. Not only was Kyle taken care of, but lunch was made, and he served me. He rocks.

He then put Kyle down for his nap and left to pick up the kids while I ran a hot bath. I can't say I had a stressful day, but with no energy it's pretty much all I could do.

Kyle woke up in a great mood and we chilled until his siblings arrived (as he finished off his pear). Then...again it's a blur, but somewhere it involved complex and thorough instructions to James on spring cleaning his room - supper was made by Mike and Melyssa and I floated around doing random things...I think.

Supper was done, we talked 'woman' stuff with Melyssa, she also wanted to know what an umbilical cord looked like and how long and how thick it was - referred her to her father as it wasn't one of those details I took notes on. :)

Then before I knew it Mike finished the floor in the closet (angles and all) and had started on the entrance. We haven't painted those fracking baseboards yet - I say we, when in fact it should be I. We put the baby boy to bed with a low grade fever ... again. This I assume (and I can't blame, but only assume) it's from that 1 person at his daycare who insists on bringing her kids when they are SICK. I understand (somewhat) - she has a new job with no sick days for her children and thus she's STUCK. BUT...it's the 3rd time in a month that the littlest one is SICK with high fever on monday/tuesday, then 3-5 days later (usually the weekend) Kyle gets a fever and gets sick. ARGH. I keep him home to not spread the ick, I get the ick. Kyle gets better, I feel like I'm dying, I send him back to daycare...where we start this cycle again. Is it too much to ask to keep the kid at home or find 'another' person to watch them? It's a little rant - whatever really. I understand feeling stuck at work. BUT, at them same time my son gets it and passes it on to me. At least the daycare woman has complained and sent the child home...but only after the 2nd day of having them, way after the germs have spread around.

Again, I'm not pissed, just somewhat irritated that it's 3 weekends in 1 month that he has a low grade fever. (Thankfully - because I know it could be worse).

Now Mike is finishing the floor, tomorrow we'll see what happens, I see more little renovations being accomplished - mainly because my parents have very graciously offered their help. I think my Dad realized tonight after being on the phone with him that I am somewhat limited in what I can do. He was talking baseboards and frames and trying to make a valid point - but I was on the other end having a few contractions - it wasn't until he said in a 'little' snappy voice about just making a point, we I shot back politely "yes Pa, I understand, but you see the thing is, I can't think or make logical decisions at this moment in time, because not only am I doing dishes, watching the dog outside, have Kyle on my leg pulling and whiny because he has a fever, I'm having painful contractions, so how about I call you back in a bit when I can actually focus on your point and we can talk about it". :)

I'm huge. I feel *so* huge that I simply cannot get any bigger. My skin is going to tear from the extreme stretching, she kicks SO hard, rolls around SO vigorously that I can swear that Kyle NEVER got this strong (granted I may have mommy pregnancy memory and thus forgotten) She feels strong, sturdy and BIG. Yes I'm starting my 33rd week and baby should weigh about 4.4 lbs. To put that in perspective, when we brought our puppy home 3 years ago she weighed 3.5 lbs. My baby girl is bigger than the puppy was at that time! (Hopefully less fluffly *giggles*)

She's strong. I can feel it. But it's different than with Kyle in a way I simply cannot explain.

Anyways, I'm HUGE, it's very cramped in those quarters and thus I get occasionally grumpy being so uncomfortable. Really people, at that point in time I would gladly never be pregnant again. Yes it's wonderful to feel her play - because the little squirt tries to grab at our fingers - it's hilarious to see; but how about not playing about my insides.

Something else I never experienced with Kyle, eating, swallowing, her pushing, kicking against something and food coming right back out without warning. Not throwing up (yet on occasion she's caused that too if I over ate) but the food not going to my stomach. I feel like her Muppet.

Contractions are getting more frequent, my mother insists that it isn't normal and me taking a moment to breath is me milking it. Again apparently SHE never had that before giving birth (pregnancy memory anybody?). Then again she was in labour for 36 hours apparently. *giggles* Maybe her body should have practiced before and maybe it wouldn't have taken so long! I'm not going to be guilty for something that I seriously have no control over!

Mike finished installing the floors all by himself (he did all the tricky angles) and he did a fantastic job! We have now divided the work into manageable portions and feel very optimistic this week that we will accomplish a lot of detail work. I don't feel very handy, hell I couldn't bend over, on my hands and knees to reach under the stairs to hammer something because of awkward belly shape getting in the way. BUT I am good at holding things, and making conversation and passing tools as long as they are in reach! It's not much but it helps! Like last night at 10pm we were in the garage setting up the swing to bring out, I held the screws and flashlight! :) It's not much compared to the extent I usually get involved, it seems that my body is insisting more vigorously this time that I take it easy...or else it does something dramatic like - locking up my back! :p

I bought another child comforter. Why? (It was prettier. oy - what am I turning in to?) I'm bringing the other one back.

I waddle (something I said only wussy pregnant women do). I buy pretty girl stuff (something I vowed I'd never succumb to). To top it all off, I bought a Classic Pooh bedding set (something I was adamant I wouldn't do, I would commercialize my children's rooms). Other things I simply cannot believe I do, I have trouble bending down to pick up heavy pots and pans (I swore to myself I would always suck it up and not show that pregnancy weakens women). I'm in love with my body pillow (I thought it was a gimmick and went through my first pregnancy without one). I'm much more easy going, not much is stressing me lately, not even my mom or the kids have wound me up comparatively speaking. I've done lots of "Ya whatever". It's the look. Now I think of it...it's the 'don't mess with me I'll tear your head right off'. Hmmm...maybe it's a good thing! :)

At any rate, buying something because it was pretty...sheesh...what's happening to me?

What better way to spend an evening - Heartburn Of Hell

If I were to write about my last 2 days, it would go on for quite some time. I've done SO much that I won't be able to elaborate about the details. Considering writing this is taking time into my nap that I promised myself - but right now considering I just ate, there will be no lying down.

Started Tuesday night at 6:30 when I left for a Nourrisource meeting and only got home at 10:30pm.

Yesterday, out of the house at 7:30am. Grocery shopping (special hunting at 2 stores) done and back home at 9am. Unpacked loot, took off to Community Center to volunteer at Breast feeding clinic for remainder of morning. Saw an old old friend of mine...let's call her my defense. It was fantastic seeing her again, knew her when I was 7 years old! Lots of mommies and babies, a few with questions/concerns. Felt nice to use my training.

Met up with karine and Sam for lunch. Yummy yummy lunch, I don't think I boasted about my panini while I ate it, we were too busy talking away but it wasn't until last night I realized that I had been craving a panini for months. It was divine. Brie, pesto sauce, grilled chicken, warm bread, tomatoes, lettuce, bacon, aubergine (uhm.. oh ya egg plant I think) Marvelous! Along with gummy Sam smiles, great lunch! And thanks very considerate people for giving us a free parking pass!

We talked...and talked...did I mention we chatted?! :) I wasn't planning on staying with her ALL afternoon, until it was 4:15 and Sam was tired of seeing my face so he strongly hinted that I leave so he and Mommy could have quiet time ;)

Picked up Kyle who wasn't having a great day by the sounds of it...on the last leg of that cold. Today though...all good it seems!

Last night dealing with cranky Kyle, being so tired myself from running around that I don't remember much except for heartburn ... pain ... and much general crankiness. I think my husband wants his loving wife back and not this pregnant grump..who in all fairness is mainly grumpy of the pain and 3rd trimester discomfort and not for any other reasons.

First thing this morning - pee on my hand. Urine samples when you are huge are a bitch.

Up early for my OBGYN week 33 appointment in Lasalle. More details later.

Returned comforter in Pte-Claire, tried to buy socks for Kyle and didn't go for it... didn't feel right (yes, buying socks CAN feel wrong) :) Saw cute dress for baby girl, didn't buy it though. I know my mom has been wanting to buy a dress, I figure I can show her what I like and give her the pleasure of buying a pretty dress. On another note: how sad is having a gift card to spend at a store and NOT liking anything in it enough to spend the money?

Made my way to pet store in HUDSON for new dog food. I am now VERY happy with what she sold me. It's 80% less expensive, WAY healthier for my dog, she was really knowledgeable and made some excellent points. To fix my dog who has deteriorated quickly (we wash her face 2-3 times a day) because of the constant bleeding. It's not good. I called Ste-Julie (1 hour away) to make an appointment where we first brought her (maybe they will help or know more since we got her at their local kennel) They *may* know Casey's family or have some history. They are so accommodating, we are going Saturday. I've told her I've spent more time at vet's in the past 9 months that I have at my OBGYN and I'm pregnant. She got the point.

Came home ... to find myself locked out of my house. Turns out my keys were taken by little boy this morning and he left them in "Papa's blue car" which is at the train station in Pincourt. Oy.

Thankfully find my keys in his car seat, go to Maxi while I'm there- top soil 1$ a bag. Filled up my car.

Went to the garden center I worked at last year to say Hi and they realized I couldn't work this weekend given my...BABY waist! :) My friend was still kind enough to offer to come to my house and landscape in July after our driveway gets done!. I love her dearly!!! She's the sweetest thing!

Finally got home, dog LOVES her food, I ate lunch, picked up the house a bit - which is a MESS. Sears called, baby commode is arrived, which also reminds me that the baby Ambi-bed (sp?)made it's way to my house and I forgot to call and thank original owner! *giggles* I'm leaving a message now :)

So baby room is slowly underway, Mike finished painting ALL the baseboard AND frames (yay hubby!) Basement will be done soon and upstairs will begin!

All is falling into place nicely. Now..it's late, and I have to write about my baby girl!

Mommy gained perfect weight. Baby is PERFECT.

Seriously, the doctor said perfect around 10 times in...7 minutes. Her heartbeat 138 per minute, very strong. Baby wiggles away furiously enough that anyone see my tummy bounce around. She's head down ready to blast off. I'm measuring exactly 33, so right on target to have a *normal* size baby 6-8lbs like Kyle. :)

Protein check-perfect, my weight gain 5lbs in 4 weeks-perfect.

I asked about the strep B test that I should be taking soon - however given that I was positive last time, I feel safer just getting the dose of penicillin when I'm in labour to be safe. I had it with Kyle so chances are I will skip that test. She marked it in my dossier that it was going to be done. Simply means I'll have an IV drip once my water breaks to prevent any possible infection to the baby (who could develop meningitis and other icky things) as a result.

The only "not so perfect" there's no need to worry yet, but we will watch you closely is my BP. This would explain my feeling *awful* this past week. I've been stable for the entire time, Today though it was marked at 100-50. My grandpa has big BP issues and he's at 90-50. She asked if I've had headaches, a few but nothing I thought major. SO...Gatorade. I figured it helped with Kyle might as well try now. I will just simply be careful. I thought I might have been missing some iron, but if my BP is low is explains a lot of my lack of energy, lack of endurance the fatigue.

Oh and she suggested Gaviscon (sp?) for the heartburn, she explained the effects of soft white foam coating your stomach and I was in heaven..it sounded so nice! :) I hope it tastes as good as my tropical or mint Tums! :)

So final verdict...this baby unless something changes is due RIGHT on target. Not a moment sooner. So...*deep breath* only 7 weeks left. I can totally keep her in there and cook her completely! :)

On the up side, the last few days I've seen lots of daughters and mommies interact. I'm going to love my little girl fiercely, I can't wait to spend girl time together bonding! She's going to be AMAZING!

I have not stopped. In fact, it's not me. Kyle has NOT stopped. I've run after him like he's on crack or something. RUN RUN RUN - TOUCH EVERYTHING he KNOWS NOT to touch. MAMAN!! LOOK AT ME BOUNCE!!! MAMAN LOOK AT ME RUN INTO THE WALL!! MAMAN!!!! MAMAN!!! MAMAN LOOK AT ME THROW THE BALL OFF CASEY'S HEAD!! MAMAN!!!

HOLY crap cakes I'm wiped. Since 6:15am he was up and on the go. Holy crap. I need blackout blinds in his room.

He sat in front of 1/2 of It's a Big World and 1/4 of Sesame Street this morning. I got to lie down there and catch my breath. He would not play with his toys, he would throw blocks at the wall, trucks in the dog bowl, fed the dog cheerios without me realizing since I was picking up squished waffle off the floor. He did NOT stop.

Add to that the phone has been ringing off the hook. 8 calls in 2 hours. Of course while I'm on the phone he demands attention, kick the dog, turn on the radio and yell that it's too loud. Jump on James' bed, calling MAMAN MAMAN the entire time. Put shampoo bottle in toilet, demands a bath and starts the water on his own while I feel like I'm 2 steps and a belly behind him.

Finally at 11am I cave to the bath idea - we'll be confined. We'll be warm. We'll be clean. And MAYBE it might calm him down. (Insert 2 phone calls here)

I win! :) by the time I lather him up with lotion, massage him, dress him, dress me go down for lunch I sit him on the couch and turn on the TV as I have to MAKE lunch. (Insert phone ringing 4 times here) I literally finish lunch, it's ready to serve and all, I'm talking to Mike for the first time all day and I realize it's...quiet.

Really quiet. Too quiet for the terror that reigned the house all morning.

I sneak into the living room to find him asleep clasping his hot wheels car in 1 hand, his dou-douce in the other and he fell asleep on the couch! It's the first time he falls asleep anywhere in the house! So I pick up my son whom despite driving me bananas this morning I love more than anything in the world (and he smells all good and clean wearing a white t-shirt and pair of blue jeans) he snuggles into my chest and I carry him up to bed. No lunch.

Now I ate. And will catch some Zzzz too since this afternoon might be a repeat. EXCEPT I'm letting him go outside and get all dirty - he can run around there.

But seriously I can forget about vacuuming or laundry or picking anything up today - he's just a whirlwind of energy!

My head hurts. Still. 4 days of a headache. Please make it go away.

Casey went to the vet, skin scrapings (poor puppy) and a thorough examination. Nothing to report except excess moisture/infection around her wounds. 3 weeks of antibiotics, a shampoo in 2 weeks to treat a mushroom (I think) bacteria. Her new food seems to be fantastic. He skin actually went back to being the white, slightly pink colour of when she was a puppy! Follow up appointment in 2 weeks.

Kyle was up 5:30am. Ow. Sent him to the caregiver. I seriously can't take the constant 'Maman' "MAMAN" "MAMAN" - constantly, repeatedly. I know, he loves me and wants my attention - did I mention 4 days of a headache and feeling generally not good? I muster every ounce of patience, but I'm only human...and pregnant.

Mike had a very productive weekend. Maybe because I was too 'out of it' that I couldn't bother him. :) Nah, he did a BUNCH of little things that needed to get done. He built the baby commode. It looks beautiful.

I want EI to FINALIZE my claim! PLEASE send me prayers - 7 weeks No Money is NOT GOOD.

The basement is not done yet, 1 last step. Probably some evening this week. We must go buy paint for the baby room. Our weekends are filling up quickly and our time is running out.

Okay. Things were going better with this pregnancy thing once my heartburn stopped. Yes the heartburn turned me into a vicious cranky acid monster.

It's stopped, outside of minor discomforts all is well.

BUT. I've had random body things that have me concerned. NOTE: More than likely they all fall under the normal "3rd Trimester Worry Zone" because obviously if they were something serious...well I'd be dead by now wouldn't I? So I've very aware these things are probably weird quirks, but I feel the need to express them, because otherwise if they stay in my head, they transform into these scary situations.

You ever hate being in bed? I should rephrase. Do you ever hate your bed? Hate the couch, hate the chair?

The word hate isn't over used here, it's exactly how I feel, I hate with a passion everything that I can put my arse or my back down. Yes it's 3rd trimester woe is me. Hips aching, shoulders aching, neck twisted, headache, stuffy nose, lack of circulation in my arms - almost feels like the beginnings of pregnant carpel tunnel, back hurting, can't sleep on my stomach and can't sleep on my back. My choices are pain #1 or pain #2 and I spend the night tossing and turning and being pregnant it's more like tidal wave after tidal wave when I decide I have to move. Then within minutes of accepting the dull level of pain I'll sleep with I end up having to a) blow my nose b)turn over my head (and only my head but not the body to try to decongest that 1 nostril) thus ending up with extremely sore shoulders and neck, thus headache. 1am no sleep desperately tired and very grumpy and hating the bed and basically the only thing stopping the bed flying out the window is that Mike is sleeping on it and I physically cannot kick him out.

I regrettably transfered to another bed in the house (I HATE doing that, I managed to not do that at all with Kyle (granted 1 time and Mike was sweet enough to follow me in the other room)) so I know I'm nearing the end of this pregnancy. But I will not sleep apart from my husband for the remaining time. It wasn't as if the other bed seemed more appealing, I have hated all flat surfaces (bathtub included) since I'm that sore. However the familiarity of my old bed (it's my old bedroom set after all) the firmer mattress at least gave me 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep...until I had to pee.

I write about my pregnancy and I could see my stories being funny...not now for me, but I can see myself as an outsider reading me and laughing. So if I make you laugh, I'm glad. Because as much as I may be whiny, if I can be whiny/funny well ... I'm not that annoying after all! :)

Oh Alex I had a banana and lots of water yesterday..not together though as suggested :) I seriously drank atleast 12 glasses of liquid (10 being water) and I don't know where it went! I didn't pee all that much - so today I'm kind of freaked out!

The headache ... sinuses. It was dormant for a few days just this headache thing...until yesterday the nose thing started. Hullo!? We're in May, it's 25C outside why are my sinuses aching?

I slept in bed yesterday. Sleep..hm.. no wrong word. Watched the hours go by is more like it. I just wasn't sleepy.

I wasn't AS sore (grateful to wonderful husband who massaged me).

I did get a massive migraine...yes it hit migraine status last night. Within minutes I was out of commission. I was shocked at how quickly it developed and how much pain I was in. I managed to take 2 advils (yes I know it should be tylenol) but do you understand HOW painful it was?

Then oddly enough ... popsicles. Popsicles helped tremendously. I had 2 (maybe 3) homemade ones and 4 small Mr Freezes. So did a cold cloth on my forehead and neck.

I was just so..HOT.

I'm still very HOT. I think more popsicles to cool me off.

Casey is doing better. Still itching - but it 'seems' dandruff related. Weird. I'm tempted to bathe her with head + shoulders shampoo! :) Her appetite and eating is way better, so is her mood. I still have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks though.

I've been asking for a connection with this baby. Connection in terms of 'where have we known each other before'. I just couldn't feel it, I couldn't see it I couldn't connect. Yesterday morning I was watching TV and saw 3 pups wolves - and melted. I've always had a connection to wolves, and it's about the 3rd time in so many days that the topic of wolves comes up in my life. While having my temples and face massaged last night I 'saw' her in an awake dream that I sometimes get. This time though it was different vision, it was from a life long ago where up until last night I knew only Mike was with me. Kyle has been with us in other lifetimes. But this time it was a very distinct vision, I know Mike was with me and we had this little girl. We were living in a tribe and I saw this girl dark hair, dark skinned, but my eyes and smile. It was more her character that came through...it could have been me as a child, running around, loving the outside, getting into so much. Just a big explorer. Reminds me of the summers I spent running around my cottage in the wild. She was just as active, if not more so than Kyle, and smart. You could tell she was intelligent, she had the same spark, the same life in her eyes that Kyle does. She also had a pet wolf.

Like I said...she reminded me so much of me...but when I took a closer look at her it was a different soul.

And no...there was no name given to me. :)

Holy Wow the days are long when they start at 5:15am!

It's only noon! I don't even have a nap under my belt yet (I think I'm afraid of lying down anywhere I'm just always sore).

So instead by 7:15am in a sick pregnant woman fashion, I washed my living room and entrance windows. I must have looked nuts.

Then my floors got washed, my laundry got done, AND folded. Frebreezed my couches, washed and hung my curtains, I replanted my plants yesterday, today I cut myself some tulips. I cleaned the bathroom, windexed. Even sat down for over an hour quietly perusing the publisac and flyers. It's only noon! I've ironed 2 shirts for Mike this morning (in a loving wifely fashion).

It's WAY to humid out for me to sit in the sun and bloat. Nice day...but I know what happens when I sit pregnant in the heat...pop!

No thanks, I'll find myself a shady spot and enjoy the day...granted though all my windows are wide open!

In the middle of the morning I've also made a few phone calls. Crazy!

:)

They (powers that be) processed my claim! Woohoo for us! Income...Flowing! Steady! Regular! Oh sweetness it got a wee bit too tight this time.

sighs...I knew it would be okay, it just took FOREVER (7 weeks). In 7 weeks there were 7 mortgage payments, 4 car payments, groceries, a few big articles for the baby, too many vet appointments.

All this without money.

We are all good now, just have to get things settled now.

Went to 3 supermarkets for bargain shopping. Pathetic, but worth it! :) It's my new maternity leave pass time. I realize how much of a kick I get out of saving a considerable amount of $$$ on food! I NEVER realized (or took the time) how much of a rip off some BIG chain grocery stores are!

Depending on what you buy you have to shop around! Bread - go to IGA. Butter + OJ - Maxi.

Silly things like that! :)

I have managed to stock up our freezers and fridge while staying under way under 100$ weekly. I'm impressed with myself!

People encounters today - IGA was a total bitch serving me, she said in a get that kid away "isn't your daughter a little TOO close to the counter" when Kyle (who last I checked was totally dressed like a boy- for fucks sake he doesn't even LOOK like a girl!) was sitting in the freaking cart holding my HBC points card and minding HIS own business. Biatch needed to get laid.

At Super C (okay our favorite brand of ice cream was selling 6.19$ at IGA...at Super C, 2.44$) HULLO! Anyways Kyle totally flirted 4 women in line and said Hi to everyone there. No shyness from him, just flirting! All the women ohhed and ahhed and said how gorgeous he was and what beautiful eyes he had, and what a charming smile...they went on and on...totally stroking his ego! What a guy!

Long weekend. Included was Mother's Day, Mike's Birthday celebration (times 2), lawn care, completing the basement room (YAY) driving to Timbuktu and back for the kids and celebrations, a half day spa, Spiderman 3, a couple of purchases but the one with the MOST impact...

Our Baby Girl Dropped.

IF this was my first child this would be NO news...but considering a 2nd child usually, typically does NOT drop UNTIL birth well...let's say I spent the past few days wondering (and somewhat nervous of the possibility of labour). In my 'wondering' (which could be interpreted as being a little freaked out as I search all the info I can as I feel the baby literally trying to push through to the light at 1am with contractions and all) the facts I found were a)1st children drop, because the stomach and ligaments are already accustomed to babies, and subsequent children either NEVER drop until they are born, or drop merely a few days before labour starts. On the up side, I can breath and my ribs don't ache and I can EAT and even drank a cappuccino without heartburn!

Down side...(okay literally very .. very ... very... down) walking is excruciating as I feel her head rubbing against my cervix bones. Bone against bone is enough to make anyone weak at the knees. Sometimes it's so bad that I feel like I am going to throw up with the rubbing and pressure. Gone are the days of crossing legs, now I sit like a western cowboy...it's so disgraceful...but I'm not squishing her head! As for walking...ha! That's just a sight to see!

Despite having a full weekend I literally just sat and watched. I totally had to kick myself into slow or no gear.

So ... let's see what happens. At 35 weeks should I give birth the baby has a 99% chance. I know I would like to cook her thoroughly first make it to 37-38 weeks (I really don't want any lung problems or any breastfeeding problems) sometimes when they are even a week early breast feeding gets tricky because their tongue and sucking isn't at it's best.

Having her this low I literally have to pee ALL the time and I seriously question how strong of a pain I have to have for my water to break. I jump up sometimes ready to put money that my water broke or is about to.

Yesterday was just fantastic! The half day spa was the best thing in the world! I felt no pain, no heaviness. The floating bath brought such relief to my body, but I think it was the combo of complete darkness and silence that I appreciated the most. Nobody calling my name, nobody needing me, no "Mamam" "Mommy" "Tally" "Sweetie", I was secluded and nobody could bother me. Totally cutting off my senses like that really allowed me to focus on myself, my body and even the baby. Thankfully though even she stayed quiet throughout the entire hour.

The massage was okay but it wasn't as good as some of the others I had, she didn't even rub the baby. Then again she mentioned that the rest of my body needed the attention. She couldn't get over how screwy my body was and referred to my legs/hips/lower back (especially since I had another agonizing cramp that morning that had me wake up screeching in pain) like an old piece of steak that needs to be tenderized - in french it was much funnier 't'est comme un vieux steak qui a besoin d'etre atendrir'. It had me giggling! :)

I slept better last night...but still feel my problem spots. She pointed out my legs, my back, my shoulders and chest, my neck/head(thus sinuses) and even one that I felt but never thought of - my arm, she mentioned that I have mild pregnant carpel tunnel (which when she massaged I realized how sore I was!)

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I bought my husband a bike. :) Not just any bike, we went to our specialty bike store (we love supporting local businesses versus a giant like Canadian Tire or Walmart) and we wanted some degree of quality. So he choose a red/silver/black Hybrid, pretty much fully equipped, gel seats, gel grips, easy gears, a Wallaroo child seat that clips to the back(the gift from Kyle to his Dad), helmet, stand, bottle, lock....the works! :) It's I think by far the coolest gift I ever got him!

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Mother's Day was nice, Melyssa spent the day with us, Mike and her bought me an Oleander Tree to put outside in the summer. Pink flowers and all. It's beautiful! I got a homemade card from her, we made cake (oh and ate lots of cake together all weekend long!) On Saturday we went to my in-laws for mother's day and Mike's birthday and Sunday my parents came over, my Dad and Mike finished the baseboards and moved some furniture down. We went for supper to my their place since I really was tired...you know watching men work is a tiring job. :)

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Turned out to be a really nice couple of days with the great weather! Today the clouds are welcomed so I can literally lounge, sleep and recover. Even in slow gear I'm very tired.

I'm re-reading my online journal that I kept with Kyle and I'm highly entertained. In fact I just keep laughing to myself - I'm quite funny! Yes, I'm laughing at my own jokes! :) I'm very happy of the journal and it's thoroughness, it makes for great memories. If I compare being 35 weeks now and then, then it was 40C outside and I was miserable. Now sure I have the aches and pains of the baby stabbing my pelvis and my lower back, but I am BY FAR better off this time around! :)

I realize that I haven't gotten into explicit details this time around, about my body and the pregnancy but reviewing my journal I see that I am emotionally much better and stronger. In fact if I compare the two, my activity and energy level is surprisingly the same.

Take this weekend for example, I sat, I sat and watched people cook, clean, do yard work, watch movies, play, I just sat and observed and I didn't feel 1 ounce of guilt. Yesterday was the extreme, I basically moved my ass from bed, to computer, back to bed, back the the computer. Took a warm bath to relax my back muscles as baby is having a wild time down-there! I didn't even let the water out of the tub....couldn't be bothered. Complete lethargy. I wasn't tired to sleep I just couldn't be bothered and nor could I care. I even skipped breakfast (something I haven't done in YEARS!) I just couldn't care and I had a very nice day of not caring! :)

I got much entertainment from alexisbean I'll tell you that much! She had me almost peeing myself with her posts - unfortunately it sounds mean laughing at someone you care about having a truly crappy day, but I'm sure she'll read herself in a 2 weeks time and laugh as well!

Mike was sweet and picked up supper (knowing very well I was not going to force myself), got home, he made it, served it and was once again the best. He surprised me by getting Maki sushi just for me to eat while supper was cooking! Mmmm...I'd been craving that but every time I was at a sushi shop recently they only had the avocado so cucumber was a very nice appetizer to supper! Then I ate leftover desserts from the weekend plus an ice cream cone. Whatever, it was 9pm, eating chocolate ice cream, french vanilla cake. then about half hour later Mike had the nibbles and brought up a bag of chips that he bought that evening. We don't often have chips so I over indulged ... without heartburn! Woohoo! But if I go get weighed tomorrow at my appointment and she calls me chunky I'll know exactly what tipped the scale! :)

I'm more than likely going to my appointments weekly now. It's the homestretch after all! I've gained as much weight if not just 2-3 lbs more with this baby. Goes to show that no matter what I did, no matter what I ate I am meant to put on this much for the baby. I started off though 2-3lbs lighter when I got pregnant, thankfully thus far it's always been relatively easy for me to shed my pounds. In fact when I got pregnant this time I people thought it was my first and had no clue I had another at home. It's always flattering to still look young and firm enough to not have children. Then again Mom was in her late 30's and people couldn't believe she had children she looked that hot. She doesn't have any stretch marks or varicose veins, (I'm so happy that's genetic!)

Weight gain perfect 78.8kg, 1kg in 2 weeks. Had a BP scare, they tried taking it with a machine...it clocked in at 131/70! HULLO! I was like 100/50 last time. She took it manually after I told her that it WASN'T normal and I came out at 110/70 - MUCH BETTER. It went up and is a healthy range again.

Baby measures at 34 weeks, I told the doctor she dropped and I was reassured it's just gravity and her weight bringing her down. UNTIL she tried to listen to the heart beat...couldn't seem to find it until she went WAY low. Then she said "you're right, she's REALLY low". Duh. The heart rate was 144-146.

Everything seems to be fine so I'm still on a bi-weekly schedule. I was advised next time that there will be the first internal exam. But seriously I figured as much since today marks 35 weeks, in 2 weeks I'll be at 37, they should go take a look, no? Mike won't be able to come with me as he's out of town for 2 days.

Too bad, the doctor likes him, even called him "Gallant" as he put my shoes on for me. Yes I'm married to the eternal gentleman.

My volunteer work is done, made fruit salad for the local family day since 8:45 this morning. Okay I got there at 9am. Getting up was way too hard this morning for both Mike and I. I spent the morning cutting fruits, then some time serving the salad in the park. It was nice, lots of people - like 500+. LOTS of family and kid activities - we even got to fly kites, so Mike, Kyle and I flew a couple. Well during the time Kyle would stay with us, he was so excited to be running free with tons of things to see - he even sat in a fire truck! The boy's week was made! So flying kites, 'camion de pompier' or "pinpon truck" he says, AND to top it all off his morning started with his first ever bike ride! All installed in the back of Mike's new bike that we picked up Friday evening and my boys went out to meet me at the community center. Kyle seemed to love it because when I got home he was ready with his jacket and ordering Papa to get on the BIKE again! :) I think Mike is going to have MANY MANY more trips with him son this summer - more than he might have anticipated really! :)

Now Kyle is napping - he just passed right out without fussing after his fun filled morning, and I think Mom and Dad are going to pass out too.

Happy 22 months son! (2 days early)

Hope you enjoyed your first homemade Cappuccino Latte! Okay warmed frothy milk with a sprinkle of real cocoa.

We video taped him reading Blue Hat, Green Hat. "silly turkey" was just TOO adorable to pass up! We've had the book since he was born but this was the first time he read it on his own to us. It was his tone of voice with every Oops in the book and he said 'silly turkey'.

SO MANY classic kodak moments today. First thing on the agenda tomorrow morning - camera! 8am the stores open, we are going and buying one!

Kyle has the croup. Once a year. Hit overnight and kept us up since 6am this morning. Called the doctor first thing in the morning, he got an appointment and that 1 dose of antibiotic to reduce the swelling of his larynx and lungs. Should take care of it.

Been up and on the go since. It's 7:20pm and I'm cranky from fatigue. We had such a nice weekend, why can't I appreciate it. Had a beautiful day yesterday, today was great (EXPENSIVE) but really worth every penny.

Oh I'm at the I feel fat and ugly and I want my body back portion. I don't mind the belly or anything else, but I hate my legs. I want my slim, tone, tanned, athletic legs back. NOW.

Oh being able to see the lower part of my legs but not reach them BUT being able to touch my thighs but barely able to see my high thighs - is God's cruel idea of a joke.

We won't even talk about the bikini area.

I've gotten a few random contractions but nothing as intense as with Kyle yet. She's definitely pushing down...and up...and sideways. My skin is as far stretched over her body as it can get.

How pathetic is it that my icon name 'kyle recent' is a picture where he's not even walking yet? Seriously it was high time that we bought a new camera. It seems easy enough, just with the possibility of being VERY technical. I need a crash course, considering it comes with 2 instructions manuals that literally make reference to each other (anyone think of putting it all in ... I don't know... 1 book?!)

This past weekend we got a crib for our baby girl! A gift of sorts. I hadn't set up the bed that was loaned to us, basically waiting for the room to be painted first. Seems though that now we have 1 commode (out of the 2 - but they discontinued the other model in Canada - but it's available in the US) Grr. I would have loved the set, it's available at walmart.com at a fantastic price (add the fact our looney is really strong) but they don't ship to Canada. We don't have passports either so going over the border to the nearest store doesn't seem plausible either. Something else will come up I guess.

I'm also looking for 3 small white wicker baskets with lining to fit into the commode we have. The room seems empty for the size it has, but I know as soon as I start transferring 'baby' things into it, like the swing and other accessories it'll fill in nicely. Also left is finding a white book shelf and a side table. None of these are rush, just ... would be nice to have eventually. Well the side table probably is more important for my glasses of water, food and books while I breastfeed. But we'll make due like usual!

Today I have a lunch date with an old friend of mine. Will be really nice to catch up after all this time. Tomorrow I see another good friend of mine and also get the bonus package of a massage while we catch up! (*my back and calves are cheering*)

Then it's Friday! Hullo!? The week just whisked right on by! That brings the baby that much closer to coming home...and holy shit! A new baby! Okay whoever told me the last weeks were going to fly by was absolutely right. Part of me simply doesn't see the baby room being complete. But we have what we need, we bought newborn diapers and an extra 2lbs of wipes this weekend. Oh boy...more diapers...more wipes. Have you seen the size of newborn diapers!? They fit Kyle's 1 thigh maybe!

Kyle woke up searching for both Maman and Papa today. Our morning routine of going to M's was really sweet filled with lots of hugs and kisses. The weather being warm today he's wearing denim shorts, a white polo, and he insisted on his sandals. He was wearing socks but took those off before putting on the sandals. Ahhh...common sense my boy, way to go! :)

So Kyle talks...and talks...and talks...and knows (as he always has) what he wants. Yesterday I picked him up from M's and we had our usual drive home by the water front conversation (usually 1 sided and I fill in the blanks answers with what I know but he adds in a few random remarks). This time though it went like this.

"So sweetie, did you have a good day"

"Ya"

"What did you have for lunch?"

"nothing"

"really nothing, I know you had no appetite because of your cold, but you didn't eat anything"

"compote de pomme"

...*pauses*

"fish...crackers" (translates into gold fish crackers)

"So you had a good snack, what about lunch though?"

"Panne" (bread in Italian)

"Ya I heard, M told me you only took 2 bites and didn't even want your spinach ravioli that you love"

"no"

..."maman, purple colour"

"I saw you had M's chalk with you, what did you draw today"

"moon...plane...flower"

"all in purple?"

"no, yellow, pink, purple"

..."ewwww...maman, doudouce, icky"

"What's wrong with your doudouce?"

"icky out-ide"

"You played with it outside?! EW, ofcourse that makes it dirty, we'll put it in the wash when we get home"

"okay, bath-time"

So you see from overnight where I started conversations the little guy had LOADS to tell me! He went on to tell me about a friend who got a bobo, he gave me a status on his bobos, he asked about the lion king ... just typical things for a 10 minute drive! :)

He got the hang of saying "Ya" or "yes"...sighs of relief! It's so much better than NO! :) Not that he was terrible with the NO, but him saying yes please surely helps us understand without a sliver of doubt what he wants!

He grew again...he barely fits in size 2 or 2T shirts unless they are made large. This morning he's wearing size 3 shirt and it's just good. It could probably be better in 3T (long torso he has) but so far it looks better than the size 2 he was in yesterday! I realize that most of the summer stuff though is size 2, where it's good for shorts and pants, I have to update him t-shirts. He doesn't have any short sleeve button shirts either. As for pants size 2 is too big (giggles - his proportions are still the same) he fits into size 18 month shorts and pants but he can get away with some 24 months, it depends on the waist. His hat is 3 and is snug on him, I hope it'll last the summer. Socks is a definite on our to buy list! 24-36 months but it all depends on the make since he's got big calves and the elastics tend to cut off his circulation.

His favorite books, the ones he insists on before bed that is ... Corduroy. He LOVES LOVES LOVES this bear. The 2 books we have are the one where he searches for his button, and the other a pocket. We read them EVERY NIGHT. In fact he took one with him this morning to M's. He reads them on his own, he knows what happens, he'll read them to you, he just LOVES the book! A change to our bed time routine is "Blue moon" sung by Mike in Elvis style. Sometimes "Twinkle, Twinkle". But our bed time is really short and sweet nowadays.

He watched Lady and the Tramp this weekend aka. 'doggies'. He knows and giggles at "Kermit" but really enjoys the Lion King (he loves the part with Papa and bebe and insists either Mike or I sit there and watch with him). He giggles uncontrollably with the bird during the song "I just can't wait to be king".

But by far though his favorite thing to do is 'play outside'. We could put him there all day long and not hear a peep. He plays in the garden with his 'shovel', his trucks, his flowers and rocks and dirt and kicks around the soccer ball, runs after Casey, sits on the swing (dindalo-in Italian). If he could have his way, he'd just be there from 5am until he passed out somewhere. The only thing though is we're having problems again with his sunscreen...he seems sensitive to it and breaks out in hives. I'll just have to try another kind. There must be some kind that works for him!

I really can't believe this will be the last month of only have him in our life. I mean, ofcourse I have 2 other kids that are great, but they aren't around for the daily life. I just can't believe that in 1 month, at 23 months he'll be considered a big brother. I do think he's ready, he's matured obviously in the past few months, whereas when I got pregnant he was too young in my eyes to be upgraded to big brother, now I see him being a wonderful big brother. He's even changed with Casey, loves to hug her and kiss her and even tickle her toes!

1 month left of being my baby baby...because seriously, who am I kidding, he'll stay my baby boy forever! :)

It's by far not as bad as 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Kyle...this is only 2 days of summer weather surrounded by great low 20s weather. BUT...the fact remains being preggers in this heat and humidity is really difficult. I swelled up like a puffer fish 2 days ago (wasn't pretty - think Martin Scorsese in Shark Tale, minus the eyebrows that is).

Kyle's still fighting over the cold/croup he got earlier this week, so we have kept him home. However with the weather and how I was feeling or rather not feeling, Mike stayed home. I went for a massage to try to drain some liquid from my extremities and to get some circulation flowing. It worked wonders. However I am relegated to keeping my feet elevated 80% of the day and taking Tylenol for this persistent headache. Hence running after Kyle is somewhat tricky.

But I feel great this morning, not puffy, no headache, we've played outside since from 8am before the real heat kicks in. (I even weeded 2 more buckets full!)

So really it's all good so far.

OH YA! I found the matching armoire for the baby room! Only 1 place left in montreal...the rest are in Quebec city OR in the US. I would have gone to Plattsburgh, (our looney is really strong) but this really helps us out. We should get it in 10 days! Woohoo! Not 4-6 weeks like other stores!

Mike vacuumed upstairs, prepared the baby room, and did the first coat of primer everywhere yesterday afternoon! He bought the paint ... so throughout the week (he's hoping by the weekend) he'll be done painting. It would be done quicker if I could do something during the day...but instead I watch 10 hours go by and I can't contribute (it's somewhat frustrating).

So needless to say, I slept in this morning (until 11am!!) We went to bed before 10. I was up to ship off and kiss my son and husband like I do every day, but since i had no chores to do...well...I got cozy on the couch, a spot in the sun, my back supported and I drifted off to dodo land!

So what kind of a reaction is snorting water through my nose and saying "OH SHIT!" when I read

"Week 37: You have 24 days until Friday, June 22, 2007."

24 DAYS! NOT 24 weeks!

DAYS people!! I'm DAYS away from popping!!! I'm DAYS away from having a bigger family (okay techinally I'm bigger right now, but you get the drift) 1 more seat to fill at the supper table!

DAYS! (bounce, poke, bounce, poke goes my belly as I type this)

What are you doing in a couple of days? Me, I'm apparently going to have a baby.

*giggles*

I think the best thing is that I feel quite good at the moment, forget my arms being too short to reach anything directly in front of me and my bumping my belly into random things like doors, cupboards, counters. But I feel okay good. I can avoid getting up to pee in the middle of the night by this little trick - I usually have to go if I lie on my back, so I wake up, have to pee, simply turn over, baby moves off bladder and I'm good until morning! (hehehe...)

As good as I've been feeling for the past couple of days...today...

OW.

I slept horribly, my hips and legs ACHE. I had to turn over more frequently than you have to rotate a roasting chicken. Very long night, by 5am I was glad the sun was up, it meant the night was done. We are approaching the full moon...let's see how my body reacts to its effects this time.

So far...

OW!

Baby is kicking up a STORM today, as quiet as she was she's sure giving me a workout. I think taking a bath and maybe getting out might do me some good. Nothing too tasking though, maybe change up a pair of shoes Kyle for a size 7. He's got big toes.

OW.

Maybe find a "bring baby home" onesie/outfit. Maybe also pack her bag for the hospital.

OW.

I think that's enough thinking and planning, I have 8 hours, you think I can accomplish getting my ass in the bath, then dressed then out the door?

OOOWWW!